


706

by popnographic



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slice of Life, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 57,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: They wouldn't say they're complacent, but they're happy, and that's good enough for them to keep going. Life is never going to go back to the way it once was, but in some ways, that's a good thing. It's only a matter of learning what's important to the point of remembering, learning what belongs in the past, and what they need to let go.





	1. the definition of 'home'

**Author's Note:**

> I think it was inevitable for me _not_ to write a Mystic Messenger fic once I got into the game and it practically took over what little free time I have. I started playing this game in October, and here I am. As written in the tags, there's going to be spoilers in this. Not just for Seven's route, but pretty much everyone's. So, you know, if you haven't seen a majority of the game, this might spoil a few things for you, starting with the first chapter.
> 
> And hey, if you liked what you read, comment and tell me so! Comments are nice.
> 
> This is going to be a multi-chapter fic updated whenever I've got the time, but I do have quite a bit of this written already. I hope you enjoy what's ahead, and that you'll even consider subscribing!

_She doesn’t hear anything from Seven for a few days after their escape._

_No… he doesn’t go by Seven anymore. Not Seven, not 707, not Luciel. His birth name is Saeyoung, and it’s the name he’s reclaimed for himself, embraced, accepted as his one, true personality._

_She can’t help but be worried, despite him having repeatedly told her to trust him, to believe that they’ll come out of this stronger, happier, free._

_It’s what Saeran wants the most. To be free. And while he definitely won’t be feeling free for the next little bit_ — _or however long it takes_ — _MC hopes that he’ll come out of this feeling thankful for his brother’s efforts of trying to bring them back together again._

_They’re as one, and while the two halves were forcibly pulled apart and kept that way for many years, Saeyoung believes they’ll be okay one day. And if that’s what Saeyoung believes, that’s what MC believes, too._

_She knows they’re at Saeyoung’s apartment. What they’re doing is only something she can guess, but she doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to think about the possibility of Saeran attempting to hurt his twin brother, the possibility that maybe Saeyoung won’t be strong enough to keep Saeran from doing what he’s wanted to since MC and Saeyoung came to Mint Eye’s headquarters._

_A few, very long days pass, but then MC’s doorbell rings. Her heart skips a beat as she walks out into the hallway, looking out through the peephole. The person she sees outside lifts up a hand, smiles, and she can’t open the door fast enough._

_She’s in Saeyoung’s arms faster than she can blink, and when she feels his hand pet her hair, every single emotion she’s kept bottled up since they got separated comes out in the form of her crying._

_“I’m here now,” he says, and she notices that his voice is trembling. “I’m here, I’m alive.”_

_It takes her a while to process things, but when it’s sunk in that Saeyoung indeed is back by her side, the first thing she asks surprises even herself._

_“What happened to your brother?”_

_Saeyoung pulls back to cup her cheeks with his hands, and he’s still smiling, though there’s a sombre look in his eyes. “He’s fine. The hospital staff are taking care of him right now. We’ll… we’ll be okay now.”_

 

* * *

 

If someone would’ve told her nearly four years ago, that she would one day be playing video games with her soon-to-be boyfriend’s twin brother in the apartment she shares with her boyfriend after everything between heaven and hell went down… she would’ve probably laughed and asked what kind of TV show they got _that_ from.

But this isn’t taken from a TV show. Saeyoung’s twin brother is just about to beat MC in a game she’s played almost too much when she was a kid, and that’s just _not_ acceptable.

“You can’t keep jumping around to escape me, and then throw items at me to make me lose! Come down and fight me like a man!”

She hears Saeyoung laugh in the kitchen—it _almost_ distracts her to the point where Saeran _will_ win this game, but she keeps her cool. She knows this game, she’s used every single character multiple times, she’s got this in the bag, as long as she doesn’t—

“And I win _again_!” Saeran triumphs, lifting his fist up in the air in a victorious pose. MC pouts, and then sticks her tongue out at him. “Wow, MC. Was it just a fluke the other day when you won?”

“It definitely wasn’t!” she protests. “Next time, I promise.”

Saeran grins, and puts his controller down before going to shut the console and TV off. “If there’ll even _be_ a next time, that is. Who knows, I might not be up for it considering there’s no competition—“

“Oh you,” MC growls with very little aggression. She feels two arms wrap around her neck and pull her back, and the next thing she sees is a new pair of golden brown eyes, but behind a pair of glasses. She smiles, and Saeyoung kisses her on the forehead.

“Worked up an appetite yet?”

“Are we having crisps for dinner?” Saeran asks from the hallway, and Saeyoung looks up to glare at his twin. “Kidding!”

“I actually know how to cook,” he says. “MC knows that very well, and can vouch for me.”

MC exchanges a glance with Saeran. “Yep, we’re having crisps.”

“Hey!”

Saeran joins them for a dinner that _doesn’t_ consist of Dr Pepper and Honey Buddha crisps, but leaves soon after. Sometimes, MC still finds it a bit surreal that the two brothers can hang out like this, considering the rocky road they’d walked to get to this point in the first place. It definitely took a lot of time, healing, talking, and patience, but MC would say things are probably almost back to the way things used to be before they were separated.

There have certainly been times where MC feels like she doesn’t have the right to be here with them like this, to act like she’s been a part of their lives for way longer than three years. It _feels_ like she’s known them all for longer than that, but then there are times when she realises that no, she’s still not as close to the others as they might be to each other. And that isn’t something she could hope to be, and she knows she shouldn’t aim for it, either. She’s definitely happy with where she is in life now; working alongside Jaehee in their own café, dating and living with Saeyoung and being good friends with the others she met through the RFA. Or technically through Saeran, though not even he likes to think of it that way.

MC crawls in under the duvet, joining Saeyoung. He’d quickly made it into a habit of hugging her from behind in his sleep, and while she definitely doesn’t mind it, MC wonders if that’s something he’s doing as a way of confirming that she’s still there. Some things won’t disappear that easily, and maybe this fear of Saeyoung’s is one of them.

She interlaces her fingers with his, feeling a shiver run down her back as Saeyoung presses a soft kiss to her neck.

“You know,” Saeyoung murmurs. “I still… feel bad sometimes. Guilty. I mean, I know Saeran has pretty much forgiven me at this point, but I still can’t help but occasionally think back to those times.”

MC puts a hand over Saeyoung’s arm, and he in turn tightens his embrace. “Things like these take time.”

“I know. And I know we still haven’t completely restored the bond between us… but at least things are good, which I’m grateful for.”

It had taken almost a year and a half for Saeran’s psychotherapy to silence his demons. And while it didn’t take long after that point for the two brothers to start patching things up, for Saeran to regain some of the bright personality he had as a child, MC knows he’s still struggling with trust issues, and intimacy. It’s something she knows they’ll just have to continue working on, slowly but surely, and to always be patient.

“I’m happy for you two,” MC says. “I’m glad you got your brother back into your life.”

Saeyoung hums. “Yeah, me too. Now I’ve got the two people I love in my life safe and sound and by my side, and that’s all that matters.”

 

* * *

 

Working at the café is better than any job MC has ever had, and she’s been here for two years now. She and Jaehee had decided on opening the café shortly after the RFA disbanded, which turned out to be a very positive thing for them both. Jaehee finally got herself out of working as Jumin’s chief assistant at C&R, and of course—MC no longer worked for the fundraising association started by Rika all those years ago.

It had been a good workplace, especially since she got to meet her now very good friends, not to mention Saeyoung. It’s strange to think that MC owes most of—it not all of it—to someone who just used her to get information from the RFA, to then throw her away when her duty had been fulfilled. It’s a good thing they’re now out of the association considering all the bad things that had been brought upon it towards the end.

The café has grown to become one of the more popular coffee places in town, and they rarely have a day where they stand around doing nothing more than being busy at work. Even so, MC has made sure that they do take days off every now and then, especially considering how Jaehee used to work when she worked for Jumin. It had taken a little while for Jaehee to familiarise herself with the concept of _vacation_ , but MC knew it takes both time and patience to change habits and deep-rooted routines.

The door swings open, and MC turns around at the sound of the bell to greet the customer walking in. She can’t help but smile widely when she sees just who _did_ walk in.

“Zen! So good to see you here,” she greets, and Zen mirrors her smile.

“You act like I’m _not_ here to see my two favourite ladies pretty much every day.”

MC has to stifle a laughter at the sound of someone gasping in clear offence somewhere in the café, but she doesn’t turn to look where the sound came from. Zen either doesn’t pay any mind to it, or he’s gotten so used to things like these that he just doesn’t notice it anymore. MC finds it amazing that Zen takes the time off his busy schedule just to come down to their café and buy coffee, though Jaehee had told her to expect it seeing how much Zen values and cares for them both—something he often makes very obvious.

“That doesn’t mean I’m not glad to see you come in.”

“And contribute to our sales,” Jaehee fills in as she comes out to join them. “Hello, Zen. The usual?”

“Of course.”

Jaehee makes Zen his coffee to go, and MC stays in place, engaging in short conversation with their friend slash regular customer while his coffee is being made. They’re getting near the end of the day, and all MC can look forward to is coming home and taking off her new work shoes that _still_ give her trouble after nearly a week of having worn them at work for several hours a day.

“You usually come in earlier during the day,” MC says. “What changed?”

Zen sighs, leaning on his elbows, chin resting in his palms. “I’m working late. Didn’t have a very long lunch break, so I kind of demanded a longer coffee break now. Which brought me here.”

MC frowns with concern. “I’m sorry. Not too long before you’re done though, right?”

“I know. Not long to go now, so I really shouldn’t complain. It’ll be over soon, and hopefully the next production team will be nicer to me.”

Zen takes his coffee and returns to work, and just over an hour later, work finishes for MC and Jaehee. They always walk together to the train station—something Jaehee had originally protested but eventually had to give up arguing about—and then MC walks back home from there. If there’s anything that’s brought the two closer during all this time, it’s the conversations they have while they walk back home from work. It’s so vastly different from when all they had were phone calls and a chat room while in the RFA, and it’s a thousand times better.

It’s definitely getting colder outside, and it’s obvious that winter is coming just by looking at the mostly naked trees around them. MC pulls up her scarf a little, just below her lips. She hears Jaehee giggle next to her.

“You’ve never been good at dealing with the cold, have you?” Jaehee asks.

MC pouts. “No. I’m a cold-blooded person; it takes me ages to warm up when I’ve been outside for even a short amount of time. And then I also tend to slip and fall a lot.”

“Oh, I know. I very much remember last winter when you dragged me down with you as you fell.”

“Jaehee!”

“What? It’s true, isn’t it?”

MC can’t even pretend to be angry when she hears Jaehee laugh. Even if it’s at her own expense, MC doesn’t mind. It’s just nice to see Jaehee this happy, like a completely different person from who she was when they were still in the RFA. MC knows it mostly has to do with Jaehee’s job as Jumin’s assistant, and his weird and incredibly strict rules, and often thanks the gods above for letting her dodge such a bullet.

She’ll never forget how Jumin had asked her to become his assistant since Jaehee was quitting. It was a good thing Jaehee stepped in, because in her speechless state, MC could’ve been dragged in if Jumin had interpreted her stunned silence as a ‘yes, I’ll be your slave’. Honestly she wouldn’t have put it past him. It isn’t that she dislikes Jumin, she really doesn’t—but sometimes he’s simply too much.

 

* * *

 

**[Jumin: MC. Are you free during lunch today? I would like to talk to you.]**

 

MC frowns in slight confusion at the message on her phone, but replies saying that he’s indeed free for lunch. She’s never really ‘hung out’ with just Jumin before, so it does feel a little weird, and she can’t deny that she’s nervous. She briefly considers telling Saeyoung about the message, but figures she might just tell him after she’s met Jumin, if it _is_ something worth sharing. For all she knows, it could just be him wanting to spend time with her for rarity’s sake—Jumin _has_ changed quite a bit over the years, after all.

Then there’s the not-so-tiny detail that Jumin and Saeyoung have yet to get back to the way things used to be before the big revelation that would soon lead to RFA’s demise. They’ve come a long way since that day, and since V’s funeral, but they still have a bit left to patch up. So maybe it _is_ best that she keeps it to herself for now, even though MC really doesn’t want to keep things secret from him now that he’s sworn to not keep secrets from her anymore.

But MC shakes the thoughts off as she heads to work before Saeyoung does. With the usual ‘have a good day’ kiss, she’s out the door.

When they first opened, it had just been MC and Jaehee working at the café, but as time went on, they’d hired two other people. It still hits MC occasionally that this is what she’s managed to achieve in life, this is where an app on her phone would eventually take her. She’s heard wild stories of people meeting online, dating, and eventually getting married, and this doesn’t feel all that different.

She and Jaehee had, despite the understandable suspicions from Jaehee in the beginning, gotten to know each other quite well in the first few weeks of MC having been thrown into the whole mess. It may have had to do with the fact that they shared the same view on most things, but it probably also helped that MC was the second woman to now join the RFA, seeing as Rika was no longer around.

MC looks up at the clock on the wall, and realises it’s about time for her to go and meet Jumin. Unlike Saeyoung, MC knows she can tell Jaehee the truth, because while their relationship was never the best, at least they went their separate ways on good terms.

“I’m having lunch with Jumin today,” she says as she finishes drying a cup and putting it back on the shelf. Jaehee shoots her a surprised look.

“Really? That was unexpected.”

“I know, right?”

“What’s the occasion? Does he have a new cat-related project he wants to run by you?”

MC snorts. “I sure hope not… don’t tell Saeyoung I said that. I don’t actually know what got into him, but I guess I’ll find out soon.”

She leaves the café and steers towards the pier where Jumin wants to meet. At first, she hadn’t really understood why just by the pier, but it didn’t take her long to realise he wants to eat at the seafood restaurant there, which MC has been to several times. Arguably, the best thing about that restaurant is the view of the ocean you get if you’re sitting outside.

Jumin is already there when MC arrives, and he greets her with a simple nod. “Hi, MC.”

“Hi, Jumin. I hope you haven’t waited long?”

“Not at all. Shall we go?”

The weather’s nice, and it allows them to sit outside. Jumin of course insists on paying for MC’s lunch, saying something about how he’s heard it’s supposed to be customary for men to pay.

She laughs. “So is this a date, then?”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s when that rule applies. Otherwise I think it’s normal just to pay for yourself, unless you owe the other person something.”

Jumin hums. “Then this is my way of saying thank you for what you did for us back then.”

Of course, MC knows it’s futile to try and argue, much like Jaehee hadn’t been able to argue with her on the ‘I’ll walk with you to the station’ thing. It seems she and Jumin may have something in common, after all.

To MC’s disappointment and slight frustration, Jumin chooses to talk about every trivial thing he could come up with. She isn’t dumb; she knows he wants to talk about something else. So lunch is just a warmup for him, apparently. Nevertheless, MC lets Jumin talk about himself, about his job, his father, his cat… everything he wants to talk about while they’re enjoying their lunch out in the sun.

“You haven’t considered getting a cat? I’m sure Luciel would be overjoyed.”

MC rolls her eyes. They’re walking away from the restaurant now, heading towards the pier where they’d met earlier. “He knows I’m not as much of a cat person as he is.”

“And he’s willing to make that sacrifice?”

“It isn’t much of a sacrifice, to be honest.”

“Hm. Well, as long as you are happy, I suppose.”

In the corner of her eye, MC swears she sees Jumin chew lightly on his lower lip as they’ve stopped to look out over the ocean. His normally cool and composed exterior is betrayed momentarily by a hesitant expression, and MC knows he’s probably just trying to figure out how to start talking about whatever it is they met up for in the first place.

“I went to Jihyun’s grave yesterday.”

MC exhales slowly through her nose, not turning to face Jumin. It’s been a long time since she last heard his actual name. “I see.”

She doesn’t have any personal feelings towards V, neither good nor bad ones. How _could_ she? MC barely even talked to V when they were all still part of the RFA, and after his death, the only one to feel sad about it was Jumin. She doesn’t blame him for that—the two had grown up together, so it’s almost to be expected.

At the same time, MC knows not to talk about V with Saeyoung considering how things ended between them. She may not have any personal feelings for or opinions of him, but she’s more than just a little biased because of her boyfriend. She’s always been taught to not judge people unless she’s ‘walked a thousand miles in their shoes’, and that’s something she definitely hasn’t done in regards to V, but it’s a good thing they rarely ever talk about him in the first place, so she doesn’t risk upsetting Saeyoung.

“I feel bad it had to end that way. For all of us, I mean. But… I know things are also better in some ways. Even so, I wish things could have been resolved with Jihyun. He didn’t deserve to die.”

This is the first time MC hears Jumin say something so blunt and so personal at the same time, and she doesn’t quite know what to do or say in response, so she just waits for him to keep talking. She almost wants to ask why he’s telling _her_ all this, of all the people he could’ve chosen to talk to about V. But at the same time, since she didn’t know V very well, maybe that’s exactly why Jumin’s talking to her right now.

“I’m sorry, you probably don’t know what to say to this, do you?”

She turns to face Jumin this time, and tries to offer him a little smile. “I… didn’t know V personally, so I don’t feel like I have the right to offer an opinion. Of course, I’m… still here if you want to talk.”

Everything MC knows about V has come from the other members of the group, mostly Yoosung who only had bad things to say about him. Then there was also Saeyoung at some points, but up until the very end Saeyoung had a great amount of respect for V that was ultimately shattered. But with Jumin, MC knows she’s gotta stay objective. V had been nice to her the few times they’d talked, and she didn’t have any personal reasons to despise him, despite the choices he’d made to make things difficult for the others.

It might not just be because MC knows V the least out of them all, but maybe also because Jumin might feel lonely. MC certainly doesn’t know him as well as she might know the others, but she can definitely tell he hasn’t been the same since Jaehee resigned from her position as his secretary. Sometimes, MC wonders if maybe Jumin resents her for it, for ‘stealing’ Jaehee, and opening a door to her that maybe Jumin would’ve preferred to stay closed.

“I have to admit… that was kind of why I wanted to talk to you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t,” she says, and Jumin offers her a smile in return.

MC used to find him intimidating at times during the short period she spent with the RFA, but while he sometimes makes frustrating decisions and always speaks his mind whether it might come out as offensive to others or not, MC knows he only wants the best for everyone he cares about.

“Thank you. It’s… still a little difficult for me to deal with. He was one I could always come to for a simple chat, for advice, for anything. And now that he isn’t here anymore, things… are certainly different.”

“I understand.”

“I just want everyone to know that the decisions Jihyun made were never meant to hurt anyone. Luciel may think V betrayed him, and I suppose I can see why seeing as Luciel viewed Jihyun as some sort of father figure. But that certainly wasn’t what Jihyun intended to do. He only did what he thought would be the best for everyone… but he also had a bad habit of listening to others rather than himself.”

_And by ‘others’, I’m assuming he means Rika_ , MC thinks, but doesn’t say. As much as she knows she shouldn’t form opinions of people she doesn’t properly know, she knows Rika was someone she could never have liked no matter what. Rika caused too much pain for the people close to her, and it isn’t something MC can just look past because she never knew Rika all that well.

Even though they’re talking about a very sensitive subject that MC doesn’t have the right to have an opinion on, and it’s mostly just for Jumin’s sake of venting his thoughts and feelings for rarity’s sake, MC doesn’t mind. As long as she can stay out of it and just lend an ear, it’s fine. It’d been a little difficult to deal with at first, but now that MC has come to terms with things, it’s a lot easier for her to participate in conversations like these. She may not have known V personally, but she’s at least gotten to know the other members of the RFA to the point of hearing bits and pieces about him.

“How’s assist—Jaehee doing? She always tells me the same thing, that she’s doing fine, but I wanted to hear from someone that might not still want to keep things from me.”

MC can’t help but raise her eyebrows a little. She isn’t surprised that Jumin cares, but she’s surprised he’d ask her about it like this. She knows Jumin and Jaehee went their separate ways on good terms, and they do still see each other quite regularly, but it’s obvious with both of them that they aren’t the same as they were when they’d been working together.

“Well she _is_ doing fine, so she isn’t necessarily lying to you. She seems… happier. No offence.”

Jumin laughs at that. “None taken. I’m glad; she deserves to be happy.”

They spend some time just looking out at the ocean in silence before they both have to return to work. MC knows Jaehee’s definitely going to have a few things to ask her, but she decides before even walking inside the café doors that she’ll keep things between just her and Jumin.

The house is empty when MC returns, as it usually is. The twins don’t close the shop until about two hours after she and Jaehee have ended their shift, so MC tends to have a lot of time after work to either prepare dinner or force herself to be lazy when Saeyoung has insisted on cooking that evening. As it’s her turn tonight, MC has stocked up on a lot of groceries.

In the middle of preparing vegetables, her phone rings on the counter which nearly makes her chop her finger off. MC stares at her phone in a combination of anger and shock before she calmly puts the knife down, and answers the call.

“Hello?”

“ _Good evening, MC_ ,” a smooth voice greets her, and MC smiles to herself as she returns to cooking, holding her phone between her ear and shoulder.

“Zen, hi. How are you?”

“ _Oh I’m doing great. How are you? And Saeyoung?_ ”

“Good, thanks. You were just about to become the reason for me losing a finger.”

Zen gasps on the other end of the line. “ _Are you cooking? I’m sorry! Should I call back later?_ ”

MC laughs. “No, no—it’s fine, don’t worry. Something on your mind?”

Normally when Zen calls, he does so just for a conversation about anything they can come up with. MC has never found it difficult to talk to Zen; they never run out of conversation topics, and it always brightens her day to talk to him. She definitely knows why Jaehee’s so smitten by him—apparently not in a romantic way, she keeps insisting—and why he’s got such a huge fanbase. To people who don’t know him, Zen might look like the same person both on and off stage, but it takes a lot of getting to know him to know that it’s just who he is. He _is_ a lot humbler these days, though, and doesn’t brag about his looks as much. Still does, but it isn’t annoying Jumin as much anymore, which is probably a good thing.

Zen keeps MC company all the way through cooking, and they hang up not too long before MC once again gains company, though in a completely different way, and from a completely different person.

“Honey, I’m home!” she hears Saeyoung sing-song at the door.

“Are you thinking about crisps? Because that’s not what we’re having for dinner.”

“Oh, you’re mean! I mean that _you’re_ my honey, of course.”

“I’m the honey to your Buddha crisps, basically.”

Saeyoung’s laughter fills her ears, and soon enough, he appears in the doorway to the kitchen. Often times, he tends to bring Saeran with him just for dinner and a little company, since they both know he still doesn’t like to be alone all that much, and while Saeyoung says he most of the time has other plans, MC knows Saeran just doesn’t want to bother them that often, despite his brother’s ceaseless insisting. Of course, MC doesn’t mind having him over, either—she’s really enjoyed getting to know him these past few years after everything that happened with Mint Eye.

“How was your day?” he asks, walking over to take MC into his arms. She embraces him back, takes in his scent, and relaxes a bit.

“Peaceful. Yours?”

She feels a slight twinge of guilt in her chest as she consciously withholds the biggest thing that happened to her today. Saeyoung hasn’t even mentioned V’s name since the funeral a few years ago, and the same goes for Saeran. It was never made into an actual rule, but everyone knows that mentioning V or Rika in front of those two is a big taboo, and they’ve all chosen to respect that—even Jumin, despite V being his friend since early childhood.

“My day was great! I’m still so glad that Saeran and I decided to open up the toy shop together. It just… it feels so nice being able to bring people happiness like that. To give kids a better childhood, even if it’s just with toys.”

MC looks up at Saeyoung, and lightly tugs at the front of his shirt to prompt him to look down at her. She stands on her toes to press a kiss to his lips.

“Trust me, I know you’re making a big difference to them. I’m happy for you.”

Saeyoung smiles, his eyes narrowing a little with affection. “How do you always know the right things to say?”

“I learnt from the best, of course.”

“Are you talking about Zen?”

MC snorts, rolling her eyes. “How'd you know?”


	2. not your princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew the trust fund kid would be a good listener?

It’s cold when she wakes up. _Really_ cold. MC opens her eyes, and finds that the blanket is gone. Even if it’s still dark in their bedroom, she can see to her side that a certain someone has stolen the blanket all to himself and even turned himself into a burrito with it. She sighs in annoyance as she attempts to pull it out from underneath him, but Saeyoung’s got the blanket lodged in between his thighs as well as in his tight embrace, so there’s nothing MC can do but to surrender and get out of bed. It wouldn’t hurt to be a _little_ early.

She does get her revenge by turning down the temperature in the shower once she’s finished there herself. When she’s having a quick breakfast before heading off to work, she hears a borderline deafening yell from the bathroom, and she can’t help but laugh to herself. At the same time, she knows she’ll have to get out of the apartment fast if she wants to evade Saeyoung’s revenge, at least for now.

Barely at the café, MC’s phone vibrates in her pocket, and she’s forced to stifle a laugh when she opens the messenger app to see who’s sent a message to their group.

[ **Saeyoung: MC you are so dead tonight that was NOT fair]**

**[MC: why are u writing this in the group chat are u trying to make people jealous or what]**

**[Saeyoung: no i want them to know how EVIL you are and that the nice and innocent persona of yours is just a façade!!]**

**[MC: love u! see u tonight]**

 

She fully expects at least Jumin to comment on how gross they are, but she wouldn’t mind if he did. MC knows that Jumin ultimately does care for them, and now that he’s finally learnt how to joke properly, it’s easier to tell whether he’s serious or not. Zen might pick a fight regardless, but everyone knows it’s all in good fun seeing as those two made up years ago.

They’ve kept the RFA messenger app even after V’s resignation and the conclusion of the first—and last—party MC would ever host. It’s a good way for them all to stay in touch, and an invention Saeyoung is very much proud of, even if it _did_ bring a few bad things as well. Maybe the good things ultimately cancel out the bad ones, at least that’s what she’d like to think now that they’ve been in the clear for a pretty long time. She knows they can never say they’re completely safe, but this is probably as good as it gets in terms of feeling safe.

“Alright, MC, what did you do?” Jaehee asks when they’ve finally got a bit of a break with not a lot of customers to tend to. MC bites her lower lip as to not grin widely.

“Oh it’s nothing. I just got revenge on Saeyoung before I left the apartment.”

Jaehee takes on a wary look. “In what way? Please don’t tell me if it’s anything… you know.”

“No, not like that! He stole the covers last night, so I turned the water to cold in the shower before he went in this morning.”

Jaehee actually snorts at that, and she rolls her eyes. “Oh. Well, that’s a relief. That _is_ a good way to get back at someone.”

Just before Jaehee and MC are about to go on lunch, Yoosung drops by with Saeran in tow. It’s a nice surprise to them both, and they all decide on having lunch together at a nearby restaurant. MC would normally bring lunch with her to work since that saves money and is in general a better option, but she does let herself indulge in a restaurant-made lunch every now and then.

“So, Yoosung, how’s working with Jumin?”

Jaehee gives MC an amused look, and Yoosung shrugs, much to their surprise. “It’s actually okay. I think he’s changed a lot in terms of… well, slaving people around. And I guess in other ways, too. For instance, I don’t have to take care of Elizabeth as often.”

Jaehee sighs. “I wish he’d come to his senses sooner.”

“I do, too,” Yoosung says, giving her a look of sympathy. “But yeah, it’s not that bad, and I do get a pretty decent pay. Can’t complain.”

“Except you _do_ ,” Saeran fills in dryly. “Pretty often.”

“Well, I just don’t like early mornings!”

MC laughs, shaking her head. Saeran and Yoosung had moved in together about a year ago, not too long after Saeran had moved out of Saeyoung and MC’s apartment, saying he didn’t want to depend on them too much. MC and Saeyoung had originally been a little worried, seeing as they both know how badly he deals with being alone, but what they hadn’t known at the time was that Yoosung would soon swoop in and offer Saeran to stay at his place.

Their conversation is interrupted by something beeping, and Yoosung sighs as he fishes out a pager out of his pocket. “Well, work is yelling at me to come back. Sorry I couldn’t stay longer, ladies.”

Jaehee waves a dismissive hand, but smiles. “It’s fine, really. Go and do what you do best.”

“Remember when that thing used to be LOLOL?”

“I do. And I’m glad things changed, that you sorted things out.”

Yoosung scratches the back of his head, grinning. “Yeah, me too. This way I actually get to make a difference, even if it isn’t necessarily saving _human_ lives. Animals matter, too.”

When he’s disappeared, the remaining three make quick work of the rest of their lunch, and then Saeran’s off to work at the toy shop again.

“I wonder why Saeyoung didn’t join them?” Jaehee says as they watch Saeran leave the café. MC shrugs.

“He eats lunch with Tom pretty often, and I’ve heard Saeran doesn’t like him that much.”

“Ah yes, the neighbour. Or former, I suppose. What do you think of him?”

MC hasn’t really talked to Tom all that much, but her impression of him is a good one. He’s a little strange, tends to be very excitable, but he’s a good person. As to be expected of someone who’s managed to become a good friend of Saeyoung’s.

“He’s okay,” she says. “I don’t dislike him, but he’s… a little different. A little too loud for my taste in friends.”

Jaehee laughs. “Yes, I got a similar impression at the party when I met him.”

 

* * *

 

“Jaehee, are you free this afternoon?”

 Jaehee turns around, almost looking surprised. “I am. Why?”

“Do you wanna hang out for a bit? I was thinking we could go window shopping; I wanna look for something for the twins’ birthday.”

“Ah,” Jaehee says, and MC has to bite her lower lip as to not laugh, because she can almost see a lightbulb over Jaehee’s head. “That’s right, eleventh of June. Yes, I’d love to—I want to get them both something, too.”

So MC spends her afternoon with Jaehee. It’s so nice that they don’t ever tire of each other’s company even though they work together and sometimes spend time together after work. MC wonders if she’s ever had a friendship like this one, but figures it’s probably a rare case. Despite everything behind her stumbling into the RFA chatroom all those years ago, she’s so thankful that she did. Many bad things had happened among the good ones, but in the end, it had led them here, and MC feels like it was mostly worth it.

If only V didn’t have to die.

It crosses her mind every now and then, the circumstances of Rika and V. She can’t talk about it with anyone but Jumin, but she doesn’t really want to talk all that much about V with Jumin, either, seeing as they were childhood friends, and Jumin clearly hasn’t gotten over V’s death yet.

Despite her friends’ feelings regarding V, MC has always tried to stay neutral on the matter as she didn’t know him personally. He’d treated her with respect even if he _did_ withhold information—but it had all been to protect her, and everyone else. While she feels like he could’ve definitely skipped playing the martyr and not put Rika on a pedestal, in the end, she figures she does have respect for V, in the end.

Saeyoung is incredibly difficult to buy gifts for. He’s got all the money he could possibly need and _then_ some, he isn’t a materialistic person unless it’s a car or five, and he especially doesn’t like it when MC buys him something. Which gives her the idea to just take him out to dinner at whichever restaurant he wants. She doesn’t want to brag—maybe a little—but she’s gotten rather proficient at convincing Saeyoung to do as she says. So she figures that, with a little puppy-eyeing and convincing, Saeyoung’s going to agree to letting her take him out for dinner.

“That’s a good idea,” Jaehee says. “Since you two rarely eat out at restaurants in the first place.”

MC shrugs. “I do like to cook, but sometimes it’s nice to have someone else do it for you, I guess. I want restaurant visits to feel like that once-in-a-while kind of thing.”

“I know what you mean. Restaurants kind of lost their magic for me after I started working for Mr—for Jumin. God, it’s been years and I still slip up sometimes.”

“It’s fine,” MC laughs. “Some habits are harder to get rid of than others.”

Jaehee buys Saeyoung a new pair of headphones since his current ones are getting old and tattered at this point, which they both know he’ll appreciate. Both siblings don’t buy things for themselves unless they absolutely need to, unless it’s a car and unless it’s Saeyoung. But Saeran is a lot more frugal, and doesn’t even buy new clothes for himself. Past Christmases and birthdays have been good opportunities for his friends and family to fill out his wardrobe, however.

“What should I get Saeran, though?” MC thinks out loud. “A gift card feels kind of… cheap, even though that might be exactly what he needs.

Jaehee laughs. “You’re right, he does. It _is_ difficult, isn’t it? I need to buy him something as well, but I have absolutely no idea what he would like.”

MC thinks about it as they walk down the main shopping street in town, and as they walk by a piercing and tattoo parlour, it hits her like a punch in the face.

“I thought of something… that I know he’s wanted to do for a long time now, but never had enough money for.”

Jaehee turns to look at MC, and they stop walking. It hurts a little to think about, because she knows that’s the reason Saeran wears long-sleeved shirts even in summer, she knows he’s putting this off because he considers it ‘frivolous spending’ and wants to prioritise other things first.

“What is it?”

“How about we give him money towards getting his tattoo removed?”

It takes just a moment for Jaehee to realise, and a pained expression shadows her face for a second. “That’s a very good idea, and I would love to help him get that treatment. We could look at some laser clinics around the area and figure out prices; it shouldn’t take long considering what you and I have worked with in the past.”

MC smiles. “You’re right.”

The two go their separate ways around dinnertime, and when MC is by the supermarket about to go in and buy the necessities for making dinner, her phone rings.

“Hello?”

“ _Honey!_ ”

“… Buddha crisps?”

“ _Ah! Your words shoot through my heart like an arrow. I can’t believe you thought I was thinking of crisps when calling you_.”

“ _MC, he’s a liar! He’s been eating crisps all day!_ ”

MC laughs at Yoosung heard in the background on Saeyoung’s end. “Hi, Saeyoung. I’m on my way home, are you there?”

“ _Actually, that’s what I was gonna call you about. I’m at Saeran and Yoosung’s place for the evening, and I might come back late. I should’ve told you sooner, I’m sorry!_ ”

“It’s okay, don’t worry! Tell them I said hi, and I’ll see you tonight? Unless you’ll be staying the night?”

“ _No, I’m coming home to you tonight, my lovely 606._ ”

“ _Gross._ ” This time, Saeran is heard in the background, and MC’s smile just widens.

“Okay, I’ll see you when you come home, then, 707,” she says, and they both laugh. Sometimes, MC would probably agree with Saeran that they’re gross. But she wouldn’t have their relationship any other way.

MC finishes the phone call, and enters the supermarket. Even though she’s going to be the only one having dinner tonight, she figures she’ll make a proper meal regardless so they can have leftovers for lunch. She remembers the time before she joined the RFA, before she even got close to Saeyoung, and how _terrible_ her cooking skills have been. Almost inexistent. She wonders if maybe she’d unconsciously wanted to get better because, somehow, Saeyoung’s cooking skills were worse than hers. But they’re both still improving, and now they can at least cook, and it tends to come out edible.

It’s a good thing they have stable enough finances to the point where they _could_ eat out every day if they wanted to. Not that MC wants that, because she _does_ like to cook, but it’s nice knowing she doesn’t really have to worry about money the same way she did in the past. She knows Zen would call her a gold-digger if she were to marry Saeyoung, ‘marrying him for his money’.

Marriage is something Saeyoung and MC have only mentioned briefly on very few occasions. MC feels like they don’t _need_ a ring on their left ring fingers to prove to the world that they love each other, and Saeyoung shares pretty much the same opinion despite his religious beliefs. He says his beliefs aren’t as strong these days, but there are certainly times when it shows that he believes.

 

* * *

 

Following dinner on the couch watching TV, MC puts the rest of it in tupperware and into the fridge before she returns back out into the living room. She and Jaehee sent each other pictures of their dinner, and Jaehee had actually gotten takeout like MC would’ve opted for had she not told herself that cooking dinner herself was the better option.

As she’s holding her phone, it suddenly starts ringing, and it surprises her to the point where she nearly drops it down onto the floor. It’s Zen calling, which surprises her a little, but she’s still glad to talk to him.

“Hello?”

“ _MC… babe, hey. What’s up?_ ”

MC raises an eyebrow; Zen is _definitely_ drunk. Already? It’s just past dinnertime, maybe he’s already eaten? MC’s heard that Zen’s eating habits aren’t that much better than what Saeyoung’s used to be a few years ago, and it makes her wonder if he’s been drinking on an empty stomach. Though she doesn’t know _why_ he’d do such a thing, so she dismisses the thought sooner than it had entered her mind.

“Oh, not much, I just had dinner. You?”

Maybe he’s drinking alone? She doesn’t hear anything in the background; no music, no other voices. MC knows she’s thinking too much about this, but she can’t help it. Zen is a good friend of hers, and if there’s something going on in his life that makes things even a little bit tougher, she’d want to be there for him, as she would the others.

“ _I’m just thinking… too much, maybe, but you know_ — _I don’t… I don’t care. I just miss my princess_.”

It makes MC’s heart ache when she hears him say that. She remembers the night before the RFA party she hosted, when Zen had called her, and told a drunk Yoosung that he’d been talking to ‘his princess’ when asked.

 _Lying… Saeyoung has the princess_ …

There was no mistaking it, but a part of MC wishes there was.  That maybe she’d heard it wrong, misunderstood it. That it didn’t mean what she now understood it did. Everyone had told her that Zen is naturally flirty; Jumin had even said that Zen flirts with anything that walks on two legs. ‘Probably also his own reflection.’ So there was never a reason for her to take him seriously when he’d called her ‘babe’ or even ‘princess’, until Yoosung had spoken up.

And she’d be an idiot to deny that it felt nice being complimented like that, that it didn’t make her heart flutter as his attractive, smooth voice would call her all sorts of things over the phone, and eventually face-to-face. Of course it made her happy, even though she knew—or _thought_ —that he did this with everyone.

“Zen, I…”

But she doesn’t know what to say. ‘I’m not your princess’? Does she _have_ to shoot him down? The last thing she wants is to create tension between herself and Zen, because they  _are_ good friends, after all, and she doesn't want their past to get in the way of the present, not to mention the future.

“ _I’ve always wanted you… to call me by my name. Like… like you do with Saeyoung. Why won’t you?_ ”

It’s strange, if she’d actually thought about the reason as to why she ever calls him Hyun, she’d probably realise she’s known for a while that Zen’s feelings towards her are more than friendly. At times, she’s wondered if her own feelings towards him were completely friendly, because sometimes… it just felt like there was something else there that didn’t fit in the friendship category. Now she knows where she stands, but it had taken a while to get to this point.

Calling Zen by his real name feels like calling him something affectionate. They’re good friends, but she feels like there’s that one barrier she doesn’t want to remove out of fear of him trying to get too close when he shouldn’t. Zen has a habit of being overprotective at the same time as he’s flirty, and it’s a very bad combination.

“I think we both know, Zen,” she almost whispers. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Zen laughs miserably, and MC almost wants to hang up. The phone call she’d received the night before the party is nothing compared to this. It’s just them now, no Yoosung around to interrupt—just them. And MC has never wanted Saeyoung to come home faster.

“ _I know. I know I never had a chance, and… and that I should just leave things as they are. You and Saeyoung are great for each other. I mean that. He’s a good guy, and I know he treats you right these days. But, shit… I just wish I was in his shoes._ ”

 _I could’ve made you happy, too_. She remembers that phone call in its entirety still, after all these years, and Zen isn’t really helping her forget.

Tears fall from MC’s eyes down her cheeks, and she fights back a sob before speaking, hoping that her voice doesn’t tremble. “I’ve gotta go, Saeyoung just came home,” she lies. “Get… get some sleep, Zen. Okay? I’ll talk to you soon.”

“ _Okay, MC. Talk to you soon_.”

She doesn’t know whether he bought her lie or not, but she’s glad he at least didn’t say anything about it, and just decided to end it there. It should’ve ended sooner than that, it shouldn’t have happened at all. MC wishes she could just forget it happened, but knows that with her good memory, that won’t happen for quite a while.

With a trembling hand, MC puts her phone down on the coffee table, and lies down on the couch to hug her knees as she lets herself cry. It’s a stupid reason to cry when she’s crying because Zen is in love with someone he can’t have. It hurts probably more than it should to know that she can’t grant him that happiness because her heart belongs to someone else. Anyone of her friends would tell her it’s an incredibly dumb reason to cry and be sad for, but MC can’t really help herself.

 

* * *

 

She feels a little better after crying—lighter, almost. Maybe it’s pent up confusion and frustration from years earlier when she’d been confused in what she really felt for Zen, when she was pursuing Saeyoung. All MC hopes is that Zen forgets this the next day as he sleeps his inebriation off, because if he doesn’t, he’s just going to tell her to forget all about it and pretend like he didn’t mean it, when MC knows that he did. The last time this happened, he _hadn’t_ been drunk, and people do tend to be more truthful when they aren’t completely in control of what they’re doing.

MC turns on the TV to use it as cover for when Saeyoung comes back home, and then she goes to wash her face. She knows that, even if she splashes her face with cold water, it won’t completely erase the traces of her having cried. Saeyoung’s witnessed her crying to films before, it isn’t completely unnatural that it’d happen again even if she’s watched a film by herself this time.

She almost considers calling Jaehee to vent her thoughts and feelings, but ultimately decides against it. Jaehee still considers herself Zen’s fan even if they _are_ friends, and MC doesn’t want to distort Jaehee’s image of Zen. She wants him to stay the way he always has in Jaehee’s eyes.

Would Jumin be willing to listen? MC sarcastically thinks to herself that he almost owes her a favour after that lunch ‘date’ they’d had when Jumin had talked to her about V. It actually isn’t that bad of an idea, and since Jumin still isn’t that close of a friend to Jaehee, it might work. She just doesn’t want to be alone with these thoughts right now.

Hesitantly, MC picks up her phone again and scrolls down her calls list to find Jumin’s contact. It isn’t _too_ late, and she knows Jumin is a night owl, so he should still be up. He might be a little inebriated, though, considering it’s a Friday night and that he tends to drink wine even on weekdays. But she’s relieved when she hears Jumin’s voice on the other end, clear and at full attention.

“ _MC, hello._ ”

“Hi, Jumin… is it a bad time?”

“ _No, I am free. Did you have something on your mind?_ ”

“A lot, actually,” MC confesses through a sigh. “Would you be willing to listen?”

Jumin ponders for a second, but then replies. “ _Of course._ ”

Sure, Jumin and Zen aren’t best friends, but they _did_ make up and can at least tolerate each other these days. But even if they hadn’t, MC feels pretty sure that Jumin would maintain an objective view if he were to offer her an opinion or some advice, because that’s just who he is. If he’s feeling like joking, that’s a different matter, but Jumin is mature enough to know when to joke and when to be serious.

MC quickly finds out that it’s nice to just talk to Jumin like this, even if he isn’t saying much. He makes the occasional acknowledging grunt to let her know he’s still listening, but he lets her talk without interrupting. Despite him being the oldest of the RFA members alongside V, Jumin hadn’t always been this mature. Something changed him, and while MC doesn’t know what _did_ , she’s glad nonetheless.

“ _Maybe you should keep your distance from him for a while,_ ” Jumin says when MC stops talking and lets herself breathe. She’d teared up and started crying again while talking to Jumin about the phone call she’d had with Zen, so now she just tries to calm herself down while Jumin takes over. “ _Zen can be a little all over the place, and I would understand if that’s too much for you now. He really shouldn’t be allowed to use his phone when he’s drunk._ ”

MC manages a laugh at that, and she wipes the new tears away with the back of her hand. “Thank you for listening, Jumin. And for the advice.”

“ _Anytime. I’m glad I could help._ ”

“I won’t take up more of your time,” she says. “Give Elizabeth a pat from me.”

“ _I will. Good night, MC_.”

MC goes to wash her face a second time after the second wave of tears and emotions, and exits the bathroom just in time for Saeyoung to come in through the front door. Seeing him makes her heart swell with relief as she goes to greet him in the hallway.

“I’m home—oh. MC… is something wrong?”

She smiles, and allows herself to be wrapped in Saeyoung’s arms. “No, it’s nothing. I was watching a sad film on TV before you came.”

“Oh,” he says, sounding relieved, and thankfully it seems like he doesn’t detect her lie. Having the TV on in the background _did_ help. “Now I feel bad for leaving you home alone. I’ll make it up to you—how about a picnic sometime soon? Just you and I, taking one of the cars somewhere. We’ll make it as soon as possible, okay?”

“That sounds nice; I’d like that.”

No matter what, Saeyoung is always able to cheer her up. If she’s upset, he always knows a way to make her happy again. And even if it isn’t instant, he’s always there to lend her a shoulder to lean on, and a warm and loving embrace. Never had MC thought she’d be this loved and feel this happy, but now that she’s got exactly what she wants and needs, she wants to do everything in her power to keep it.

There was a time in the early beginnings of their relationship when MC had constantly been afraid that Saeyoung would get cold feet and run away from her. She knew it couldn’t be easy for him to leave his beliefs, having been a secret agent. They weren’t supposed to have close bonds with people, since that could mean their loved ones getting hurt and them not being able to do their job anymore. Work always came first.

And even though Saeyoung had professed his love for her, there was a small part of her that still wondered if maybe something would make him regret his decision, and reset their relationship to the way it was when she joined the RFA.

“Saeyoung,” MC mumbles, and he shifts a little in bed. It’s completely dark, so she can’t see if his eyes are open or not. Sometimes she thinks she should be able to, given that warm, gold colour of his eyes that almost remind her of a cat’s.

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever get jealous? You know… that I talk to Zen a lot. I mean, sure—I talk to Jumin sometimes, too, but not as much as I do Zen.”

Saeyoung hums. “Why do you ask?”

It hurts a little to talk about right now, considering just hours ago she’d talked to Zen, and things had definitely not been good. But she knows she has to ask now, or she won’t be able to sleep tonight. “I just want to make sure you’re okay with us hanging out and talking on the phone pretty regularly. That you trust me spending time with friends who happen to be men.”

MC’s never had to deal with something like this before, so she doesn’t exactly know what to say and ask Saeyoung in this situation. She knows that honesty and communication is key in relationships… but there’s just that one thing she doesn’t know if she can tell Saeyoung, since she doesn’t know how he’ll react. Despite all the time they’ve spent together, there are still parts of Saeyoung that might always be a mystery to MC.

“Oh, well… no, I’m not jealous,” he says, and pulls MC closer into his embrace. “I’m glad you brought it up, though.”

“Of course I would.”

“Not to sound too arrogant or conceited, but… I know you. And I know you chose me. It took me a while to understand why and how you could have, but I’ve been sure for a while now. And it only grows stronger by each day.”

MC smiles to herself, her heart skipping a beat. She feels like it was the opposite of what he’s saying; in the end, he had been the one to open up and accept _her_ , and not the other way around. A lot of patience was required, but it got her to where she is today, and she doesn’t regret any of it, despite how difficult it had been.

“I’m glad. I just wanted to make sure.”

Saeyoung inches closer, and rubs his nose against MC’s. “This is why I love you, because you’d ask things like these, to make sure I’m okay with things. I don’t want to hold you back just because you happen to have male friends; that’d make me look like I’m possessive or something. You’re your own person, and while I’d like to think that you’re mine, I don’t _own_ you.”

“Mmm, you’re right,” MC agrees. ”But you’re right in thinking that I’m yours.”

Saeyoung laughs softly. “And I’m yours, _nae sarang_.”


	3. white silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The RFA celebrate the twins' birthday.

A few years ago, before they’d started dating, Saeyoung rarely slept. His job prevented him from getting a full night’s rest, and he always stayed up until early morning to finish whatever task was at hand. MC had on several occasions tried to get him to just put off work to put his health first, but he’d told her that his health _never_ came first, because work did. It didn’t help that he at the same time had tried to distance himself from her, so his words hadn’t exactly been gentle.

But now that Saeyoung works at the toy shop with his brother, he’s gotten that regular sleep schedule he probably never thought he’d have, and he even tends to sleep in a lot. On weekends, MC doesn’t mind, since he doesn’t work. Today, she _definitely_ doesn’t mind, because it’s the eleventh of June, and it’s the twins’ birthday.

MC wakes up around nine, and the house is nice and quiet when she does. She decides to just let her boyfriend sleep for a bit, and props her chin up on a palm, elbow resting on the mattress, and she watches Saeyoung in his most peaceful state. By now, his overly cheery self from a few years earlier is pretty much just a memory, but she can sometimes see hints of it coming out in him when he’s joking around, trying to make MC feel better, when he’s overjoyed about something. When it’s just the two of them, MC gets to see the man behind the mask, the man who no longer hides anything from her. And not a day goes by without her being thankful for being allowed to be by his side.

She runs a finger slowly, softly, over Saeyoung’s eyelid, along his cheek. Watches his shoulder rise and fall as he breathes, lying on his side. Things like these make MC fall in love with him all over again, and she can never get tired of it. It’s like meeting him for the first time, realising that she’s so madly, disgustingly in love with this man who once brought her into an organisation where her job became to organise a party for raising funds.

Saeyoung’s eyebrow twitches a little, and there’s a slight frown appearing on his face as he slowly wakes up, looking bleary-eyed at MC. “Mornin’.”

“Good morning,” MC smiles, “and happy birthday.”

His eyes widen in surprise. “That’s today? Oh. Oh! I have to call Saeran.”

MC laughs. Priorities in order. “No need, you’ll see him later today.”

“I will? Wait, did you plan something?”

“Oh, not just me. Though I’m pretty sure your brother knows now, too.”

Saeyoung laughs a little, and sits up in bed. “Mmm, you mean Yoosung? Then yeah, probably.”

MC gets out of bed to make breakfast, and forces Saeyoung to stay put. He’s really difficult to convince, even on his own birthday, but if there’s anything MC has learnt in the time she’s known him, it’s to never back down. So she convinces Saeyoung to stay in bed while she goes to freshen up and make breakfast, under the condition that he gets to do this for her on her birthday. (Which he always does, anyway.)

“I know I say this a lot,” Saeyoung says with his mouth full of rice, “but you really _are_ the best.”

MC smiles, shaking her head. “Who else is gonna take care of you?”

“Hey, that’s mean.”

She briefly thinks of the person who sort of used to take care of Saeyoung before, Vanderwood. He’s long since gone to a location neither of them know of, and he’s also got a new name since a few years back. He’s basically a completely new person living god knows where, and it’s strange to think about it that way. MC never understood the life Vanderwood and Saeyoung lived back then, and even if he tried to tell her now, she’s pretty sure she wouldn’t even understand half of it.

A phone vibrates next to MC on the bed, and she quickly picks it up before her nosy boyfriend has a chance to. It’s Jaehee, and she’s messaging MC to find out what their current status is. As always, Jaehee is ready to go way too early, and it makes MC smile.

**[Jaehee: I’m sorry, I may be a little too excited.]**

**[MC: it’s ok! i’ll text u when we’re leaving the house. but that obviously won’t be for a while.]**

 

“Who is it? A secret lover?!” Saeyoung asks over-dramatically, and MC gives him a pretend-shocked look accompanied by a gasp.

“How did you know? Have you been snooping through my phone?”

Saeyoung laughs. “No, silly. If I wanted to find out, I wouldn’t have done something so obvious as _that_.”

It’s true; he may have been out of the secret agent business for quite a while now, but it would take a lot for his skills to diminish when he’d worked in the field for so long and so intensely. There were times when he didn’t sleep for several days in a row, and to this day MC still wonder how the hell he survived living like that. Not many hackers around the country could even dream of being as good as him, but it came to a great price.

MC knows she doesn’t have anything to worry about in regards to Saeyoung tracking her or looking through her stuff, anyway, and Saeyoung probably knows he doesn’t have to worry about MC looking through his stuff either. Trust like the one they have for each other takes time to build up, but with their history, MC feels like it’s stronger than most other people would have for another person they care for so deeply.

MC takes the tray with their now empty plates and bowls back into the kitchen to clean up, and when she returns, Saeyoung doesn’t waste a second in pulling her back into bed with him. She has no time to protest before he places his lips against hers, and she allows herself to melt into the kiss.

“Another year gone,” he says. “And things are just getting better for each year that passes.”

MC smiles and places her forehead against Saeyoung’s. “I agree.”

Saeyoung pulls MC close again, and MC’s heartbeat immediately increases ever so slightly. “So, since it’s my birthday and all… can I ask you for something?”

MC raises an eyebrow. “If it’s what I think it is, then you know you don’t have to ask.”

 

* * *

 

**[Jaehee: I’m outside. Everyone else?]**

**[Jumin: Almost there, got stuck in traffic.]**

**[Zen: i assume you’re not driving? two minutes away at most!]**

**[Jumin: I am not driving, or I would not arrive in time.]**

**[Zen: or at all, lmao.... too dark.]**

**[Yoosung: got the younger bro and we’re there soon! he still has no idea where we’re going lol]**

And neither does Saeyoung, of course, but it’s surprising to MC that Saeran hasn’t dragged the truth out of Yoosung yet. She and Saeyoung have just gotten out of their car, and MC can’t help when she sees Jaehee outside the restaurant. The two greet each other as they always do with a hug, and then Jaehee greet Saeyoung the same way, which is still not as common.

The night before, Jaehee told MC that Jumin had wanted in on their gift for Saeran, and he’d contributed with more than just ‘a little money’ like he’d originally said. As would almost be expected of the owner of a large corporation who’s always shown concern and care through his wallet. It’s strangely endearing, MC has come to think after all this time, because she knows there’s no point in trying to refuse Jumin’s generosity anymore since he never gives in.

Everyone gathers outside the restaurant before going inside, the rest of the gang wishing the twins a happy birthday. It feels very strange that they’ve booked this entire restaurant, but then again, Jumin’s powers are pretty scary sometimes. It’s nice, though, because as well as MC apparently had handled the party she organised for the RFA, she still doesn’t do that well with large crowds. And since this is a birthday celebration, it’s a lot better that it’s just them; it feels more personal that way.

While dinner is underway, Jaehee takes the opportunity to clear her throat and stand up from her seat to get everyone’s attention. The dinner they’ve been served is, of course, over the top and there’s a lot of dishes MC wants to try but knows that she realistically won’t be able to, no matter how small her portions are.

“Saeran, there’s something we want to give you. MC, Jumin, and I.”

“Jumin too?” Zen blurts out, and Yoosung giggles next to him.

Stone-faced as ever, Jumin nods, and turns his attention to the younger twin, who looks at the three of them with a surprised look on his face, his mouth even slightly agape. “We know you have wanted to get rid of your tattoo for a while now, and we decided to help you do that.”

As if on cue, Jaehee proceeds to head over to where Saeran is seated, and she presents him with the gift card from one of the town’s leading skin clinics. MC can’t hold back her wide smile as she watches Saeran’s perplexed expression, and his mouth opening and closing like a fish on land gasping for air as he struggles to find the right words.

“This… this is too much,” he says in a low voice. “You guys are… wow. I don’t deserve this.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” MC says, still smiling. “You _definitely_ deserve it. You’ve done so much for us these past few years that this feels like at least somewhat of a way to pay you back.”

“Don’t try to refuse it; we can’t exactly get the money back,” Jaehee laughs. “Please, just take it. We really want this for you.”

Saeran looks like he’s going to try and protest, but eventually just bows his head. MC thinks she sees his lower lip quiver ever so slightly before he does. “Thank you. This is… the best thing I’ve ever gotten for my birthday.”

As Jaehee, MC and Jumin have already started, the others proceed to shower the twins in their gifts before they proceed with desserts. It’s a nice break, MC thinks to herself. She feels like her heart grows to almost twice its size by just watching Saeran being shown the affection he rarely got as a child and especially during his time with Mint Eye. She sees Saeyoung watch his brother with immense joy and affection, and it’s a sight that she hopes she’ll never get used to.

The RFA spend the rest of the dinner just talking, catching up on what’s going on in everyone’s lives, and it’s as always a very memorable evening. MC thinks it’s a shame the next RFA birthday won’t be until October when it’s Jumin’s turn, because she’d really love it if these big gatherings happened more often. But sadly, with everyone’s clashing schedules, that can’t happen, at least not with the entire gang.

Jaehee tells Saeran how the gift card works and how many sessions he can afford with it, and Saeran says he’ll book his first appointment as soon as he can. It’s nice that he’s finally going to be able to get away from that painful part of his past, to remove something from his life that constantly reminds him of it. He’s come a very long way from having been the “unknown” hacker that led MC to Rika’s apartment all those years ago—it’s almost as if it was a completely different person. Now, with the tattoo disappearing, the differences between Unknown and Saeran increase in number.

 

* * *

 

MC meets Saeran outside the café when she and Jaehee have finished their shift, and after Jaehee and Saeran have exchanged a few conversational phrases, Jaehee leaves the two. Saeran apologises for being late even though MC and Jaehee had just walked out the doors themselves, and MC shakes her head, smiling at him.

“How was work?”

“Good as usual,” Saeran says as they start walking. There’s a certain spark in his eyes whenever he talks about the toy shop, much like Saeyoung, but at the same time different. “There was a kid that came in today who was _really_ into robots. We talked for a while about different kinds, and I persuaded his mother into buying one of our best models.”

MC and Saeran talk while they make their way downtown, where they buy ice cream and do some window shopping. MC’s long since learnt that Saeran’s favourite ice cream flavour is vanilla, and he’s proud to admit it even though he says most people think it’s boring. MC’s favourite is strawberry sorbet, but she’s sad to find that her favourite place is completely out when they walk in. Gladly they _do_ have chocolate, which is her second favourite.

“Can you believe Saeyoung’s favourite is _pistachio_? That stuff both _looks_ and tastes funky.”

MC laughs. “I think it’s okay, actually. Not my favourite, though.”

“He’s bribed you into saying that, hasn’t he?” Saeran asks, pretending to be horrified. “I feel sorry for you.”

“You know, Zen once asked me the same thing when I told Jumin I like cats. What’s it with people being shocked over such trivial things?”

Saeran snorts, looking like MC just insulted his entire bloodline. “Cats are trivial things, pistachio ice cream isn’t.”

“… fair point.”

MC finds herself glancing Saeran’s way a lot, and she can’t help but be curious whether he’s started his laser treatments yet or not. It’s difficult to tell seeing as he’s still wearing long sleeves, but knowing him, he probably has, considering how long his tattoo has been tormenting him, and how long he’s wanted to get rid of it. MC feels bad that it took her this long to think of giving him the option to do so as a birthday gift—this could’ve all been over and done with already had they done it a previous year.

They walk by the park, and watch kids run around and play, laugh, and have fun. There’s an odd look in Saeran’s eyes as he watches them, and it makes MC curious to the point of not being able to hold back.

“Would you want kids one day, Saeran?”

He turns to look at her, looking confused. “Me? Oh… I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I don’t think I’d be against it.”

MC smiles a little. “I know you’d make a great dad.”

“What about you and Saeyoung?”

Like marriage, MC and Saeyoung _have_ discussed having kids before. But for where they are in life right now, it doesn’t feel right just yet to _completely_ settle down. It isn’t a matter of financial stability, because they’ve practically achieved it already, but it’s a matter of feeling mature and emotionally ready to bring a child into the world, which neither of them feel quite yet.

“We don’t feel like we’re quite there yet. To have a kid, I mean,” MC adds. “One day I think I’d like to, and Saeyoung seems to feel the same. I don’t know when, though.”

“What if I meet someone and we have a kid before you and Saeyoung do?”

MC gives Saeran a pleading look. “Please don’t make this into a contest with him.”

“I wouldn’t! Just a thought. I don’t know, I think working at a place where I meet a lot of kids helps a lot. So who knows?”

MC hums. “Indeed, who knows.”

 

* * *

 

Despite having dated Saeyoung for a few years now, MC has never gone on a proper date with him. At least she doesn’t _think_ they have; they haven’t really called it such when they’ve gone out to a restaurant for dinner or lunch before, or when they’ve gone to see a film. It feels a little strange to after all this time be even a little nervous, considering they _have_ been dating for so long. Maybe it’s just something that comes with something labelled as a ‘date’.

“Usually for a date, I’d come to pick you up, but… since we live together, I guess that’s impossible. Unless I were to leave and come back.”

MC laughs, and shakes her head. “We’ve never been traditional with _anything_ , why start now?”

Saeyoung had called and reserved a table in advance for their date at one of the high-end restaurants in town. MC’s never been there before, but she’s heard Jumin say a bunch of positive things about the restaurant, so she’s pretty sure it’ll be a good experience, knowing how picky he is.

It’s so unusual for her and Saeyoung to do something like this, to eat expensive food and really treat themselves unless it’s Saeyoung and his cars. They’re both capable of enjoying life as it is, without any major modifications or additions, and that’s probably one of the major reasons as to why they’ve been together for so long and why it still feels like they’re in their honeymoon phase sometimes.

“MC, you just got a text,” Saeyoung calls from the living room out to where she is at the other end of the house in the bathroom. She’s applying the finishing touches to her makeup, which won’t take long, and it isn’t much work, either. MC’s never been one for wearing too much makeup; she always uses it sparsely, even on nicer occasions like this date.

“Could you read it out loud if you’re there? It might be Jaehee.”

She’d been talking to Jaehee earlier that day about their plans on upgrading a few things at the café. Their espresso machine has been a little wonky for the past few weeks, so it’s on top of their list of things to swap out. Jaehee is continually researching new recipes for coffee drinks, and she’s talked about wanting to put some of those she’s managed to master on the menu.

The fact that they can continually change things like this makes their job always feel exciting, and it’s never monotonous. Before MC met the RFA, and Jaehee in particular, she’d never really had an interest in coffee other than drinking it to help her stay awake for studying or working overtime. But then she’d become good friends with Jaehee, and with it came an interest in coffee making, as well as baked goods to some extent.

MC finishes up in the bathroom, and heads out into the living room when Saeyoung doesn’t immediately respond. He’s holding her phone in his hand, looking down at it with an unreadable expression, and MC frowns to herself in confusion.

“Something wrong?”

“What does Zen mean when he apologises like this to you?”

_Like this?_

MC’s heart stops beating for two very long seconds. Why’d he have to text her about that _now_ of all times? She’s sure she’d made it clear to him that they should just forget that their phone call ever happened, and Zen had agreed to it, but it seems like he isn’t satisfied just yet.

“He called me the other night,” MC says. “He was drunk, and said a lot of things I didn’t think he meant. So I told him we should forget about it.”

“And why didn’t you tell me about it?” Saeyoung presses, and turns to face her. She’s almost scared he’ll crush her phone into pieces, but that’s the least of her concerns right now.

“Because it didn’t mean anything, Saeyoung. Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve told you, but I didn’t think it was important since I just—“

“He said he’s sorry he made you cry. Did he? Is that why you were crying?”

“Saeyoung—“

“Why’d you lie to me, MC?”

His voice is ice cold, and it sends an uncomfortable shiver down MC’s spine. It reminds her of the time they’d spent together at Rika’s apartment when he’d come over to protect her as the security system had been deactivated. Saeyoung’s eyes are dark, and his mouth forms a straight line; if MC didn’t know better, she’d think he was about to do something very dumb.

“Listen, I’m sorry,” she says, trying to keep calm. “It just… made me uncomfortable when he called, okay? That was it. I didn’t want to worry you.”

Saeyoung looks at MC, but now it looks like he’s staring _past_ her, through her, somehow. His eyes aren’t focusing on anything, and he relaxes the muscles in his arms, subsequently dropping MC’s phone onto the floor, which makes her flinch.

He turns around to walk out the door, and panic immediately wells up within MC to the point where it’s almost difficult to breathe. She grabs onto his wrist, trying to get him to stay.

“Where are you going?”

“I think you know the answer to that. Don’t try to stop me.”

If MC thought his facial expression was cold, it can’t even begin to compare with the tone of his voice. He’s like a completely different person, even more distant and cold than he’d been before they started dating. MC had never been scared even when they’d been in the same apartment where Saeyoung, Rika and V had decided to plant a bomb as a security measure, but now, with Saeyoung like this, MC is scared.

He frees his arm from her grip, and walks out the door, slamming it shut behind him. MC immediately follows, and tries to keep up with his long strides to the car.

“Can’t we just talk about this? Nothing happened, Saeyoung!”

“I’m not mad at _you_ , MC. Disappointed, maybe. But it’s Zen I’m after.”

The way he says those words makes MC’s heart beat faster with panic. She’s never seen him like this, and therefore doesn’t know just what he can do when he’s in this state. He’s a former secret agent who still has a lot of his old habits from said profession, which could potentially make him very dangerous. He’d been very adamant about this fact back then, telling MC to stay away since he was dangerous and that she could get in trouble by being close to him.

Saeyoung doesn’t try to stop MC from getting in the passenger seat, but he also doesn’t listen to her constantly trying to tell him to leave it, to instead just drive to the restaurant for their date. At this point, MC wonders if their date will ever happen at all. Saeyoung did say he isn’t angry at her, but she still wonders how much he’d want to go on a date with her after this.

“Saeyoung, please stop,” she pleads as he drives away from their house, but of course, to no avail. He immediately speeds up, driving at a higher speed than allowed on their small roads, and his knuckles are slowly turning white with how hard his hand is gripping the steering wheel.

“He _always_ had to butt in,” Saeyoung mutters through clenched teeth. “He kept trying to brainwash you into thinking all men are wolves, and that you would never be safe with a man regardless of who it was. Bet he didn’t include himself.”

“Zen’s always been one to exaggerate, you know that. I would never listen to you, because you’re the only one I want, back then, and now. So please, can’t we just let this go, and go have dinner?”

At this point, MC is willing to do whatever it takes to stop Saeyoung. She frantically searches her brain for anything useful to tell him that would make him at least stop the car, but nothing comes up, and she hopelessly curses her inability to think straight. Zen doesn’t live far away, and with how fast Saeyoung’s driving, they’ll be there very soon.

“Saeyoung, _talk to me_!” she cries out. “You can talk to Zen some other time, you don’t have to—“

“Are you trying to _defend_ him?!” Saeyoung bristles as he turns to glare at her. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I see him, okay? All I know is that I’ve gotta go over there and yell at him to not flirt with my—”

“Saeyoung, look out!”

When a light suddenly blinds her from the front, MC turns to look, and feels like the world around them slows down. She sees the truck in front of them, she catches a glimpse of the terrified expression on the face of the driver, and she hears Saeyoung yell at her to duck just before the impact, before the light turns to darkness, and the screeching sound of tyres turns into deafening silence.


	4. someone's idea of a cruel prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung wakes up in a world he doesn't recognise, to a reality he doesn't want to acknowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7.5k + 707 POV!

Something isn’t right when he wakes up. Why’d he leave the light on? Did MC forget to turn off the light before they went to bed last night? She’s more likely to forget than he is, which wouldn’t have been true had this been a few years earlier. But over the years, Saeyoung has learnt things like these, mostly because Vanderwood would give him hell if he wasted water or electricity.

The thing is, Saeyoung wakes up in a bed that isn’t his, in a room he’s never seen before, and the first person he sees by the side of his bed _isn’t_ MC—it’s Saeran.

“You… you’re awake?” Saeran whispers. “Oh thank god, I was so worried…”

_Awake?_

“What are you talking about? How long have I been asleep?”

Saeran’s expression goes from worried to sombre, and he worries his lower lip between his teeth before answering. “Five days.”

“What?!”

“Don’t sit up yet,” Saeran continues quickly, placing a hand on Saeyoung’s shoulder. “You don’t… remember anything?”

Saeyoung lowers his eyebrows into a frown. “What are you—“

— _the sound of her screaming, tyres screeching, the truck in front of them coming closer, closer_ —

He recoils at the memory, at the images he sees in his head. It had been his fault. He and MC had been in a car crash.

 _MC_.

“Is she okay?!” he asks frantically. “Saeran, where’s MC?”

“Saeyoung, please… calm down. Let me talk, okay?”

“I can’t calm down until you tell me what’s going on!”

Saeran sighs, but keeps calm to the best of his abilities as he gently pushes Saeyoung to lie back down in his hospital bed. “MC is still in a coma. You just woke up from yours. You’ve been in a coma for five days now, following the… the car crash.”

That’s when Saeyoung notices the cast on his left arm. He broke his arm? How bad _was_ that car crash? How badly hurt was MC? There are so many questions he wants answered, but he knows Saeran won’t be able to answer them all at once, if even at all. Is this really all he got away with—a broken arm?

It all comes back to him bit by bit, and when the final piece of the puzzle is in place, Saeyoung only has one thing on his mind, no—one _person_.

“Where’s Zen?”

Saeran looks at him with a surprised expression, eyebrows raised. “He was here earlier, but he went to work. Why?”

Of course he did. Saeyoung clenches his fist, and exhales slowly through his nose. “He’s the reason I crashed the car.”

“What?! Wait, how?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now. Could you get a doctor?”

“Is something wrong?”

He loves his brother, but sometimes, Saeyoung almost finds Saeran annoying with how he tends to worry so much. Many things have changed about him since they were kids, but this is one thing that didn’t.

“No. I wanna know when I can be released from here.” Saeyoung turns to lie on his right side, his left arm awkwardly lying on top of the blanket. “Please?”

Saeran hesitates, but then Saeyoung hears the chair scrape against the floor. “Okay.”

He listens to the footsteps, and then the sound of the door softly closing behind his twin. Saeyoung takes a deep breath, closes his eyes. He still feels tired, despite apparently having been asleep for five entire days. Why isn’t MC awake yet? How serious are her injuries?

He doubts the doctors won’t tell him this seeing as they probably know he’s dating her. They’ll probably tell him they don’t want to worry him since he’s just woken up from a coma, but it isn’t as if he’s mortally wounded to the point of not being able to handle hearing bad news. It’s all just a bunch of excuses.

Saeyoung wonders if he should’ve listened to MC. If he should’ve put off the confrontation with Zen, and just gone on their date whilst trying to pretend he _didn’t_ just find out that one of his friends is in love with his girlfriend. It wouldn’t have worked either way. Why did Zen decide on sending that text message right then? Everyone in the RFA knew of their plans that night, including Zen. Was he intentionally trying to ruin their evening, was this part of his plan?

Before Saeyoung can get too worked up by his thoughts, the door to his hospital room opens again, and he turns his head slightly to see if Saeran managed to bring a doctor or not.

“Mr Choi,” a man in a white coat—a doctor; good job, Saeran—greets him. “I am relieved to see you are awake. How are you feeling?”

 _Great. Fantastic. Never better_. What does the idiot _think_ Saeyoung will say in response to that?

“I feel just the way you’d feel after waking up from a five-day long coma,” he responds curtly.

“Are you hurting anywhere?”

Of course he’d ignore that. Saeyoung sighs. “No.”

“I am glad to hear that. I heard you wanted to know when you can be released.”

“Well, yeah.”

Saeyoung still doesn’t bother turning around in bed, and just keeps his back turned to the doctor and his brother. The doctor clears his throat, probably sensing Saeyoung’s bad mood, and hopefully choosing to cut to the chase.

“We have to run a few tests to see how you are doing, but assuming you are fine aside from your broken arm, you can be released tomorrow.”

“How’s MC?” he finds himself asking before he can stop his brain from sending the signals down to his vocal cords.

“She is, unfortunately, still in a coma. Her condition is not critical, but also not yet stable. But she will wake up soon enough.”

 _Not critical, but also not yet stable_. Which means he’s still got a reason to be worried, and it just makes him wonder why the doctor’s trying to tell him there’s a chance MC wakes up if her condition isn’t stable. If there’s something Saeyoung can’t stand, it’s unnecessary and _unrealistic_ optimism. If there’s a chance she won’t make it, he’d want to know even if it’d obviously hurt. He doesn’t want people to swap out his glasses for a pair of rose-tinted ones.

Now that he’s started asking questions, Saeyoung wants to keep firing them at the doctor currently staring at his back. But he chews on the inside of his cheek and chooses to keep it to himself for now.

“Thank you, that’s all I wanted to know.”

“Alright,” the doctor says. “I will send a nurse in soon to check up on you as well as give you some food. In the meantime, please get some rest.”

 _I’ve had plenty of rest these past five days, thank you_ , he thinks to himself. The doctor leaves the room, but Saeyoung knows without turning around that his brother’s still there. A twin’s sense, maybe.

“Did you want something else?” he asks.

“No, I’ve just… been worried about you. And I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Oh.”

Saeyoung realises he’s being too harsh on his brother who hasn’t even done anything. If there’s someone he doesn’t want to shut out of his life again, it’s his twin brother. They’ve spent far too much time apart in their lives, and their relationship still isn’t _completely_ healed from all those years ago.

“Saeran, I’m sorry,” he continues. “I’m just annoyed. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“It’s okay,” Saeran replies. “I’ll let Zen know you want to see him, but… I don’t think he’ll want to come if he knows what it’ll be about.”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes. “Kind of figured as much. I think Jumin’s the only one who could convince him _without_ beating him up.”

“… I’ll see what I can do. Just don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

Saeran leaves shortly after, and Saeyoung is left alone with his thoughts. Once the silence settles in again, said thoughts grow louder in volume, and Saeyoung shoves his head in under the pillow, attempting to drown out the noise. Well, he might as well do as the doctor advised him to, and get some sleep. He may have slept for five days straight, but it certainly doesn’t _feel_ like he has.

 

* * *

 

A nurse rudely wakes him up far too soon, and tells him they’re going to start testing a few things to make sure he’s really okay to be discharged the following day. It’s mostly just a bunch of questions that need answers, a mobility test, and the worst part—talking to a therapist. He remembers having fervently encouraged Saeran to talk to a therapist to try and get his issues sorted out, but now that he’s in Saeran’s position, he regrets having been that adamant about it, as he doesn’t want to go through this himself.

She asks him questions he doesn’t have definitive answers to, and questions he doesn’t have _any_ answers to. She tells him to let her know what he’s thinking regarding the accident, what he remembers, how he feels now that he’s awake and has been able to recall everything that happened. He knows he can’t be _entirely_ truthful to her since he could’ve easily gone over to Zen’s place to kick his ass. If MC hadn’t been in the car with him then, he knows he definitely would have.

If MC hadn’t been in the car with him, this wouldn’t have happened. Zen might’ve been the one in the hospital, but would that be that much better? Should Saeyoung honestly wish harm upon someone else so that his loved one doesn’t have to suffer? He’s good friends with Zen, they’ve pretty much always been on good terms, agreeing on most things. Normally, Saeyoung wouldn’t wish harm on _anyone_ in the RFA—barely even V after his betrayal.

But there’s just something that blurs the line when it comes to someone Saeyoung holds dear. If someone, _anyone_ , does anything to hurt someone he loves, all bets are off.

He must’ve said the correct things, because the therapist tells him he’s all clear for discharge the next day, and then she leaves. As she does, Saeyoung spots someone else in the doorway, and he raises an eyebrow at the other person.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up here.”

Zen doesn’t move. His facial expression is completely blank, but Saeyoung can see he hasn’t been well these past few days. There are dark circles under his eyes, his hair is unkempt, and he looks like he hasn’t showered in a while, either. So maybe it’s a good thing he keeps his distance, but Saeyoung can guess why he’s doing it, and it probably isn’t because of his potentially bad body odour.

“I came here because I wanted to apologise to you.”

“For what? For being the cause of the car crash that put us both in a coma?”

Zen recoils at Saeyoung’s harsh words, but Saeyoung doesn’t regret being blunt. If anything, Zen deserves _worse_ than this. Saeyoung knows how to be cold and heartless thanks to his previous profession, and this is a perfect opportunity to bring that out of him again.

“Listen, I know that my inebriation isn’t an excuse for calling MC and telling her… all those things. I’ve been an ass, that’s indisputable. But know that I would’ve never told her if I hadn’t had so much to drink.”

Saeyoung barely resists a snort. “So you got drunk just so you could do it, and then blame alcohol?”

“No! Saeyoung, I would never dream of destroying what you have with her. I respect what you two have, I fully support your relationship… but I’m still struggling with my own feelings for her. I was drinking because I’d had a tough day at work, and I can’t control myself when I’m drunk. I didn’t even mean to _get_ drunk, it just happened.”

Is it hypocritical of him to say that he’s tired of lies when most of his past is filled with nothing _but_ lies? It just hurts to know Zen feels like he has to lie to protect himself, that he’d so easily throw their friendship and trust built up over so many years, for a woman who isn’t even his girlfriend to begin with.

“So what?” he asks, still unimpressed. “What do you expect to get out of this? Forgiveness?”

Zen shakes his head, and Saeyoung notices him clench his jaw briefly. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I wouldn’t, either, if I were you. But I wanted to apologise, and to explain myself. To tell you that I’d never do anything to jeopardise what you have with MC.”

Saeyoung’s tired. He feels like he’s seen too many people today, and now all he wants is to just be left alone. For his last visitor of the day to be Zen isn’t exactly how he wanted his day to end, but he’s wise enough to not wish for too much.

“Fine. You did what you came here for, so now I guess you can leave. In fact, I want you to.”

Zen looks like he’s about to say something, but then he seems to think better of it, and turns around to leave. He hesitates, and then actually speaks up.

“The doctors said MC’s condition has improved a little. They say they’re expecting her to wake up soon.”

And with those words, Zen leaves. Saeyoung makes sure to hear him close the door before slamming his fist into the wall next to him. Why _not_ injure his other hand, too, while he’s at it?

 

* * *

 

He’s hardly happy to be discharged from the hospital, but at the same time, he feels like he probably shouldn’t be there more than he has to. Saeyoung’s tempted to go in and visit MC, but still feels guilty over having caused the crash that sent his girlfriend into a coma in the first place. Yes, Zen had been the catalyst, but Saeyoung had ultimately been the cause. He’s usually a really good driver, he _can_ talk while driving. He’s even fought with his boss over the phone while driving before, but of course, this one time when he’d been in an argument with the one he loves, he’d crash his car and start doubting his driving skills.

No, his driving skills aren’t the issue here, the cause for their argument is. Now that he’s been released from the hospital, Saeyoung is free to do whatever he wants to. His therapist could’ve easily seen through him and told the hospital to keep him there for a while until his rage would subside—which he highly doubts—but Saeyoung had gotten lucky, and now he can do anything.

As he walks away from the hospital, he considers making a stop by Zen’s on the way home. He realises it’s a weekday, and that Zen’s probably at work, still. And since he doesn’t always work in the same place, Saeyoung doesn’t know where he is right now. He _could_ go home and find out via his computer, but that’d take too much time.

Life is _never_ easy on him.

The house is too empty when Saeyoung returns. It’s too quiet, too big for him alone, and he wonders how he ever dealt with it before he moved in with MC. Sure, Vanderwood used to come over a lot to help him clean up and also yell at him to keep his focus where it should be. But it was never the same as _living_ with someone, and Vanderwood did eventually leave.

Despite this, Saeyoung tells himself to at least _try_ and make the best out of the situation. MC will wake up, he tells himself. She’ll wake up soon, and before she does, he’ll have to make sure to actually visit her. He’s heard that it helps to talk to people in a coma so that they can hear voices they recognise, and while he’s sure that’s what the others have been doing both to him and her while in a coma, he figures maybe hearing her boyfriend’s voice would be different. _Good_ different, he hopes.

Saeyoung tries to busy himself; meticulously cleans the house with music playing to drown out the silence, does what little laundry they have in their laundry basket—he even arranges books and their DVD collection in alphabetical order on the living room shelves. Everything he can come up with to distract himself from thinking too much about MC, anything that could possibly prevent him from doing something he might regret.

Amidst everything, he hears a faint noise that sounds somewhat like his phone ringing, and when Saeyoung lowers the volume of his music, he realises that’s exactly what it is. At first, he considers letting it keep ringing and go to voicemail, but it _could_ be important. What if MC woke up? What if her condition worsened?

He nearly flies across the house with his wide strides to catch the phone call, and is slightly out of breath by the time he picks up without even checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“ _It’s me_ ,” Jumin’s monotone voice says. “ _I was thinking of visiting you earlier, but you had already been discharged. Reminds me of Zen’s strange recovery speed_.”

Saeyoung nearly hisses. “I don’t wanna talk about him. Why did you call?”

“ _Oh, did something happen between you two? No matter, if you do not want to talk about it, I won’t force you. I am calling on behalf of… well, everyone, I suppose. We are worried about you._ ”

“Don’t be. I’m fine.”

“ _I have learnt to take things like that as the opposite when they come from you_ ,” Jumin says, and he actually laughs, oddly enough. Yes, he may have an almost constantly monotone voice and he’s still _Jumin_ , but he’s definitely changed since Saeyoung first met him. “ _I am on my way over. Just me. Will you let me in?_ ”

Why would _he_ do this, out of all people? Yoosung is prone to worrying, and Saeyoung honestly would’ve expected him to be sent by the other to check up on him. But Jumin? It’s odd, and at the same time bad since it _is_ Jumin, and he’s the most stubborn out of all of them. If it gets too late, he’ll go back home but return the next day to repeat the process of trying to get inside. He’d even risk the chaos that would ensue at C &R if he were to take a day or five of work, just because it’s about an RFA member.

So Saeyoung knows he doesn’t have a choice but to let Jumin in once he starts knocking on the door. There was a time when he’d forced everyone to buy an Arabic pocket dictionary and bring with them whenever they wanted to visit, just so they could answer the password his front gate would give them. There hasn’t really been any need for it for quite some time, but now, Saeyoung almost considers installing the program again.

He barely has time to hang up before Jumin’s apparently arrived at his doorstep, and with a heavy sigh, Saeyoung waves his white flag, and opens the door. As always, Jumin’s dressed in his black suit with a white and pinstriped dress shirt underneath, and of course the dark blue tie.

“Jumin,” Saeyoung says stiffly. “Come in.”

Jumin offers him a nod, and does as he’s told for once. Immediately, he makes it clear he won’t leave anytime soon by removing his suit jacket and his shoes, and he steps inside the house, at which point Saeyoung can’t do anything but follow. As expected from the heir of one of the biggest companies in the country—he can boss people around, verbally or not, and they won’t have any choice but to do as he wants.

It’s scary, but strangely impressive.

Theirs is a strange relationship; Jumin and Saeyoung are neither friends nor enemies, but they know enough about each other to practically consider the other family at this point. And sometimes they do. But then there are times like these, when you can almost physically feel the distance, and it’s a situation where Saeyoung knows Jumin wants to close it while he wants it to become greater.

“Are you going to visit MC?” Jumin asks, getting straight to the point. It’s something Saeyoung normally appreciates, but right now, he could’ve done with a little distraction.

“Yeah,” he says, and wants to leave it at that, but Jumin of course will want more than just an affirmation.

“When?”

“I don’t know, soon.”

Jumin frowns lightly. “You are not trying to avoid her, are you? I hope you are not blaming yourself for what happened. It was not your—“

“You weren’t there,” Saeyoung bites back, interrupting Jumin. “You weren’t in the car with us when I ran straight into a truck.”

“The truck driver was under the influence. He drove over on the wrong side of the road, Saeyoung. It was not your fault.”

No one at the hospital had told him what exactly happened after the crash. All he knows is that he’d crashed their car while in an argument with MC, and that he’d essentially been the cause for them both ending up in a coma. Saeyoung doesn’t really know what this new information is supposed to do, what Jumin expects out of him now that he knows a little more about what happened. Should he be happy? Should he agree and say that it _wasn’t_ his fault, when he’d been the one driving?

“If I would’ve paid attention, I could’ve seen him. I was sober, and I would’ve seen it coming. But instead, I looked away from the road. It _was_ my fault, Jumin.”

“I know this is going to come off as blunt and possibly rude, but these things happen. You get distracted, accidents happen. But you were not directly responsible for what happened. The one really at fault is the idiot who decided to get behind the wheel after he had been drinking.”

Yes, Jumin is blunt, and Saeyoung’s grown used to that, but it still doesn’t make him feel better when Jumin tells him that these things just happen. As if MC ending up in a coma isn’t a big deal and that there’s nothing they should do about it even if they could. As if he should just… give up. Accept the outcome.

“So what are you saying I should do?”

“I say you should visit her at the hospital. Sit by her side, talk to her, have faith that she will wake up. That is what all of us are doing.”

_Then isn’t that enough?_

No. Saeyoung _wants_ to visit her. He wants to go, but he’s also terrified of possibly having to talk to her if she wakes up. Will she think of it as his fault? The last thing she’ll remember _will be_ their fight, after all, and what if she’s still hung up on it? No, they weren’t fighting about something between themselves, this was about someone else. Someone who should’ve been an outsider but who’s been trying to get in between them all along.

Saeyoung clenches a fist at his side. If anything, this should motivate him to actually visit MC as much as he can. Prevent Zen from being by her side when he should be the one there.

“Has Zen been to visit her?”

Jumin blinks, and looks at Saeyoung with a confused expression. “Zen? No, why?”

“You act as if it’d be unusual.”

“Hm, no—I guess it wouldn’t. He knows he should keep his distance, and he knows you do not want him there after what happened. Well, after everything, I suppose.”

Saeyoung exhales slowly through his nose, allows himself to relax a little. “Good. Then I’ll go first thing in the morning. I just need to properly land for a bit, you know?”

Jumin nods, seemingly satisfied with his answer. “Good. That is what I came here for, after all. Keep in touch.”

He leaves shortly after, and Saeyoung’s left alone again. Strangely enough, even if it hadn’t necessarily been a very uplifting conversation, Saeyoung feels a lot more motivated now. He’ll visit MC, he’ll make sure to be there as often as he can, and he believes that she’ll wake up. Not many good things have happened to him over the course of his lifetime, but ever since MC appeared, and even more so after they started dating, Saeyoung has dared to hope.

 

* * *

 

When Saeyoung wakes up by himself at eight, having had plenty of sleep, his first thought of the day is his brother. He’s completely forgotten about the toy shop, and guilt punches him in the gut as he scrambles for his phone on the nightstand to call Saeran. There’s been times when they’ve had difficulties running the shop together, and Saeyoung can’t even imagine how difficult it must’ve been for Saeran these past five days.

“ _Hello? Saeyoung?_ ”

He remembers how rude he’d been to Saeran yesterday, and the heavy feeling gets worse. He swallows hard before talking. “Saeran… are you at the shop?”

“ _Yeah, I just got here. Why?_ ”

“I’m sorry,” Saeyoung says. “I was… really mean to you yesterday. I didn’t mean to.”

“ _It’s okay, I know you must be stressed. And you’d just woken up, too. I understand._ ”

Saeyoung doesn’t deserve his brother being so nice and forgiving. During the first few months after they’d rescued Saeran from Mint Eye, Saeyoung would’ve never thought this is what his brother would become once he’d gotten all of the drugs out of his system and had the necessary psychotherapy to restore his mental health. While he feels like he doesn’t deserve the immense amount of kindness, Saeyoung couldn’t be happier to know that his twin is such a kind-hearted person after all those years they’d spent apart.

“I… wanted to go see MC today,” he says instead of what he really wants to say. Saeran won’t let him win, anyway. “But I completely forgot about the toy shop.”

“ _Oh, that’s why you were wondering. In that case, I’m doing okay here, and I have been. It isn’t that bad, actually. But I do miss having you around here. Even so… you should go see her. I can manage the shop_.”

Saeyoung raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Are you sure? It can get hectic sometimes.”

“ _It can, but I think many people who come in realise it’s just me here, so they’re extra patient? I don’t know, but I’m handling it just fine. Okay? Just go. Call me whenever you get the chance_.”

He can’t do anything but smile and shake his head to himself; Saeran is often too good to be true. Sometimes, Saeyoung wonders if they really _are_ twins, considering their differences. But deep down, they’ve got that connection only twins can have, and that’s what convinces Saeyoung in the end that they _are_ twins.

Leaving the toy shop to Saeran in a slightly better mood, Saeyoung gets out of bed to shower and get dressed. After having gotten himself breakfast at a Seven-Eleven, now steering his steps toward the hospital, nervousness hits him so hard he almost finds it difficult to breathe. He’s vowed to himself to visit MC as often as he can until she wakes up, but what if she _does_ wake up when he’s there? What would she say, what would _he_ say? Do they pick up where they left off just before the accident? Do they pretend like they _didn’t_ fight, do they talk it out?

Saeyoung hates confrontation. He wants to be a person who would prioritise sorting problems out first thing, but he’s scared of what consequences said confrontation would have, what the outcome would be. What would be the last straw that would make MC leave him? How can he be so sure he’ll be able to control his emotions and not say something he’d live to regret? Even so, Saeyoung decides he’s got to become stronger. For his own sake, for _her_ sake, and for everyone else.

So he continues walking toward the hospital, and takes a deep breath before walking inside the automatic doors. A woman greets him in the reception and asks him what she can help him with. He almost stutters when he asks where MC’s room is, and he states their relationship so she won’t just flat-out reject him and force him to turn around. Luckily, she’s very helpful, and tells him where to go to find MC’s room, and she also lets him know when visiting hours are over.

It feels eerie walking through these pale, cold hospital corridors. It brings back memories of when he and Saeran had been admitted here, when he’d come to visit Saeran after he’d been discharged. Why does he always suffer the least, and why do his loved ones have to suffer more than he does? It isn’t fair, and Saeyoung feels like God is laughing at him from above.

He reaches MC’s room, and places a slightly trembling hand on the handle. She’s probably not even awake yet, but he can’t help but hesitate in case she _might_ be. The possibility is always there. At the same time, he should’ve probably been notified of her waking up seeing as he’s the closest person she has with her parents no longer being alive.

MC’s room shows signs of people having visited her; there’s a a bouquet of flowers in an expensive looking vase—definitely from Jumin—a teddy bear right next to it that's definitely from Yoosung. Saeyoung doesn’t think Jaehee’s the one who got them, though, but it's somehow obvious she's still been here a few times. She's probably the one who rearranged things and made this room look as nice as it does… well, for a hospital room. It’s strange, because they’ve made it look like a happy place when it’s nothing but. It might be filled with hope, but not happiness.

There’s a chair by the door that Saeyoung carries over to place by the bedside, and as he hesitantly sits down, his immediate instinct tells him to get up and leave. He feels panic bloom inside him, but he tries to will it down as this is something he knows he _needs_ to do.

They told him to talk to her, so that’s what he’s got to do. Even if it’ll be awkward, he’ll do anything that might increase the chances of her waking up, if even just a little bit. There’s a ridiculous saying that comes to mind, ‘you can eat an elephant if you take one bite at a time’. Small steps. It might be difficult at first, but it may actually pay off. All he’s gotta do is try.

“MC… hi,” he begins tentatively. “I… I got discharged yesterday. Woke up the day before, and it felt like… like I was out of place. It felt like I didn’t belong there. And I know why. It was because you weren’t there with me. And technically… technically you still aren’t, but you _are_. It’s strange.” He laughs awkwardly. “Hearing the beeping noise from your life support machine is kind of reassuring, because it means you’re still alive. And that gives me reason to hope.”

The expression on her face is almost serene; she looks like she’s having a nice dream. Saeyoung can’t help but bring a hand to MC’s face and softly stroke a strand of hair away, leave his hand to cup her cheek. She feels cold, which makes him even more worried. He tries his best to keep the negative thoughts at bay; MC’s still alive, as evident by the beeping on the machine next to her bed, and it could be worse, as hard as that may be to believe.

It gets a little easier talking to her as time goes on. He leaves only briefly at some point to go get himself some lunch, but otherwise, Saeyoung spends the majority of his day by his girlfriend’s side. He tells her all kinds of stories; tells her what the RFA members used to be like just as the foundation had been formed and they all became a group, he talks about the happier parts of his childhood that he spent with Saeran… anything he can come up with that makes him smile. If it makes _him_ smile, it might’ve put a smile on MC’s face, too.

If only he’d be able to see it happen.

He ends up staying just until eight in the evening when visiting hours and when they’ll kick him out. During the day, Saeran’s come by briefly after work, and Yoosung came to keep both Saeyoung and MC company for a while. It was nice, and definitely helped to brighten the mood a bit. Saeyoung doesn’t often say it, but he feels like he should tell Yoosung just how grateful he is to have his friend in his life. Yoosung is very good at livening things up when others might think it to be impossible, but at the same time, he definitely knows when he shouldn’t _try_ to do so.

Saeyoung almost feels guilty having to leave MC and the hospital that night, but he knows he’ll be back every day from now on. He’ll go back to work starting tomorrow, but as soon as he finishes, he’ll go straight to the hospital and stay there for as long as he’s allowed. And he’ll keep on doing the same thing every day until MC wakes up.

 _Until_ she wakes up.

 

* * *

 

It feels good to be back at work. Not only because he hasn’t moved much in the past week, but also because it helps keep him distracted for a bit. He knows he should definitely focus on reality, but sometimes it’s good to take a break so he won’t completely break down. He trusts the doctors and nurses to take good care of MC while he isn’t there, and that if anything happens, he’ll be the first one to know as soon as it does.

He’s glad to be back by Saeran’s side. The two pick up from right where they left off, and it’s as if Saeyoung hadn’t just chewed Saeran out for nothing, and as if Saeyoung didn’t just recently wake up from a five-day long coma. They both know it’s best not to dwell on things that don’t matter; at least he’s awake and well now. Besides, there’s more pressing matters at hand, such as the fact that MC’s still _in_ a coma, unlike Saeyoung.

Even though they’re forced to close temporarily, Saeran insists on the two of them going out for lunch. It’s a little inconvenient, and it once again reminds Saeyoung that they really need to get over their weird stubbornness and hire more people so they can take actual breaks. Up until now, they haven’t really needed the help of other people to run the toy shop, but it’s situations like these, something simple as wanting to go out for lunch together, that makes him even more sure that they need to do this.

They buy takeout which they bring with them to the pier, where they go to sit down and look out over the ocean. It’s a nice break away from everything, and even more so when it’s just Saeyoung and his brother. Ever since they’d gotten separated at the age of fifteen, Saeyoung’s biggest wish was to once again be reunited with his brother. Now that it’s come true, and that he’s able to spend time with his brother like this, he makes sure to not ever take it for granted, and always treasure their moments together.

“You know,” Saeran says. “I still remember when we were kids, and you’d take me out for ice cream. And we’d sit like this, just watching the clouds in the sky. I liked that.”

Saeyoung smiles. It was such a simple, little thing, but it meant the world to them both. It’s nice to know Saeran remembers and values it as much as Saeyoung does.

“Yeah. I liked it, too. I felt like… that was all I could do for you back then. Just take you out of the house for ice cream whenever she couldn’t stop us.”

“I’m glad you did. Now we can do it all we want… just like I’d dreamt back then. That we’d be free.”

“We finally made it,” Saeyoung breathes, and his chest swells with a similar relief to the one he’d felt when Saeran hugged him the first time after having been rescued from Mint Eye. “Sometimes it’s still hard to believe.”

Saeran hums. “It is.”

A phone ringing disturbs their peace, and Saeyoung realises it’s _his_ phone ringing. He puts his now empty lunch box down on the bench next to him, and finds an unknown number calling him.

“It might be the hospital,” Saeran says when he notices Saeyoung’s hesitation. Saeyoung swallows hard, his heart suddenly racing in his chest, and he picks up the phone call with his breath stuck in his throat.

“Hello?”

“ _Hello, is this Saeyoung Choi?_ ”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“ _Good afternoon. I’m calling on the behalf of MC as you are listed as her next of kin._ ”

The world suddenly stops moving around him, and Saeyoung doesn’t know what to say, what to ask. What happened? Did she wake up, did she not make it? Did things get worse?

“Oh… yes, that would be me,” he says slowly. “What… happened? Is she okay?”

“ _MC has woken up from her coma and is able to receive visitors now, if you would like to come see her._ ”

Saeyoung suddenly finds the ability to breathe again, and tears begin falling down his cheeks. “She’s… she’s awake?”

“ _Yes. She has been awake for a little while now, but we wanted to make sure she was able to receive visitors before calling you; doing a few checkups and such as she woke up._ ”

It feels like a dream. It _has_ to be. MC woke up? She’s awake, she made it… she didn’t die?

Saeyoung nearly drops his phone from the shock that hits him with the woman’s voice on the other side of the line. Saeran looks at him with an expression showing everything from shock, happiness, relief, and worry, and it’s strange. It’s all strange, it doesn’t make sense. But god, does it make Saeyoung _happy_.

“I’ll… I’ll be right there,” he stutters. “I’m coming over as fast as I can. Thank you so much for calling me and letting me know.”

The woman laughs. “ _It’s my pleasure. We’ll be waiting for you to arrive_.”

He barely has time before Saeran hugs him, and Saeyoung reciprocates the hug, albeit maybe not as enthusiastically as he’s still in a shocked daze.

“Go,” Saeran says. “Don’t worry about the shop; I can handle it. I’ll come over as fast as I can once the shop closes, but you need to go _now_. I can’t believe she’s awake, Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung tightens his embrace, and he smiles to himself. “Yeah, neither can I. Are you sure?”

“Yes, just go.”

He practically runs all the way from the pier to the hospital, which is normally a fifteen-minute walk. Adrenaline buzzes through his entire body as he runs, and he doesn’t even care that people around him stop to look at him like he’s gone absolutely insane.

 _MC is awake_.

Saeyoung walks in through the automatic doors to the hospital nearly out of breath, and he meets the same woman in the reception he’s met before. She smiles upon him walking up to her, and nods in acknowledgement.

“I’m—I’m Saeyoung… Choi,” he pants. “I’m here to see MC.”

“Of course, go right ahead,” the woman replies. “I assume you know by now where her room is.”

“I do. Thank you.”

While he’s tempted to run again, Saeyoung wills himself to walk normally to MC’s hospital room. Normally he hates hospitals. They’re filled with death, with disease, uncertainty, with things definitely not associated with what Saeyoung feels right now. He feels _hopeful_ , happy, excited. Things can finally resume, go back to the way they were.

He knocks on the door, and feels like his heart might break through the confines of his ribcage when he hears MC’s voice tell him to come in. Does she know he’s here?

Saeyoung opens the door, and walks inside, closing the door behind him. MC’s still got a bandage around her head, and she looks pretty much like she had the last time Saeyoung came here, but now she looks _alive_. She’s here, she’s looking right at him, and she’s smiling.

“MC,” he breathes. “You… you’re awake. I can’t believe it.”

“I heard you woke up just the other day? I’m glad. I don’t really remember what happened, but maybe you could fill me in, Seven?”

He’s just about to walk up to her when he stops. _Seven_? It’s been years since she called him that. He can’t help but frown in confusion, and she looks back at him with confusion as well, tilting her head to the side.

“Something wrong?”

“You… you called me Seven,” he says. “You haven’t done that in years.”

MC blinks in further confusion, and then she laughs a little. “ _Years_?Has it really been that long? I don’t know what else I would… oh! I know Zen and Jumin call you Luciel. Would that be better than 'Seven'?”

This can’t be a joke. MC would _never_ joke about calling him Luciel after what happened, after what made Saeyoung take his birth name back after so many years of going under the Luciel alias, and later on Seven as well. So why would she suddenly suggest it now? Does it have to do with the fact that she can’t recall what happened before the accident?

“Luciel is worse,” he says, trying not to speak through gritted teeth. “You really don’t remember my real name? What… _do_ you remember?”

MC hums, appearing in thought. Saeyoung feels like the floor is slowly breaking apart beneath his feet, and that the hole that would form will swallow him any second now. His heart’s beating so hard against his chest that it hurts, and he hears the pounding loudly in his ears. It feels like he’s swallowing sand, and breathing is made nearly impossible because of this.

“You and I live together,” she says, and Saeyoung’s hope is reignited before she continues, “at Rika’s apartment. You came to live there with me temporarily to fix the security system, and to make sure that I was safe. I know your name to be Seven or Luciel… but you seem to think I should know of a different name?”

He backs up against the door, and slides down onto the floor, which alarms MC, and she asks him if he’s okay. If he’s _okay_. MC’s basically just told him he doesn’t remember their time together. How is that possible? How doesn’t she remember him as Saeyoung, why did all of these years just disappear from her memory? Is this a punishment, and if so, who is supposed to be punished; him or her?

“Do you remember Saeran?” he asks, his voice a mere whisper.

“Who?”

_She doesn’t remember us._

… _She doesn’t remember **me**_.

“Never mind,” he replies slowly, and gets up from the floor. What’s the point? What’s the point of _anything_ if she can’t remember him? How will they live once she gets discharged from the hospital? Is she just going to move back into Rika’s apartment, or worse, to where she lived _before_ that?

And if she does, that means she moves out of their house. _Their house_. Why would she live there now that she doesn’t even know who Saeyoung is? There’s no way they can pick up their relationship when _it doesn’t even exist_ to her.

“Seven? What’s wrong? I don’t know what’s going on… could you please just tell me? Fill me in on what I don’t remember?”

 _What’s the point_?

He probably deserved this. The agency told him not to form close personal relationships, because if he did, they could get hurt. He tried his best to keep MC away, but eventually gave in and started dating her. Now they’ve been together for years, and for what? In the end, MC got hurt, and now she doesn’t even remember who he is.

Saeyoung remembers telling MC that he used to not want to be remembered. He wanted people to stay away so that they wouldn’t remember who he was when he disappeared. But when MC came into his life, all he wanted was for her to remember that he existed.

Now, he’s not so sure anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I can’t do this.”

“What? Seven?”

But he doesn’t listen. He turns around, opens the door, walks out, and closes it behind him. He hears MC call for him again, but Saeyoung doesn’t open the door again. Instead, he walks away, walks out of the hospital, and tells himself to not return for MC’s sake.

Because what’s the point?


	5. the heart remembers (when the brain doesn't)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC begins the daunting journey of trying to catch back up to speed.

She watches Seven walk out of her hospital room, and when it closes behind him, MC feels more confused than she ever has been. What was with his reaction? Why is it so bad to call him Luciel? Why was he so reluctant on helping her, on telling her about everything she’s clearly missing in her memory right now?

… Will she ever get back those lost memories?

It’s strange… Seven acted like they’d been dating. Had they? MC will admit probably only to herself that there _had_ been something between them at the apartment, but every attempt MC had made at trying to get close to Seven, he’d crushed, pushing her further away from him. Sometimes he’d been outright mean, and if MC didn’t know any better, she’d think he really did hate her.

But she knew he just did it to keep people away from him.

It’s difficult to believe that the two eventually started dating, and that Seven would act like _that_ around her. She almost wants to say she doesn’t believe him… but there’s really no mistaking the way he was acting, and the way he’d been talking to her. They really _were_ in a relationship… as hard as that may be to believe considering what she remembers.

Does this mean they aren’t dating now that MC doesn’t remember it? If they live together, where’s she going to live now? She’s probably long since been evicted from the apartment she lived in before she moved into Rika’s apartment to work for the RFA, so that’s not a place she can return to anymore. And considering everything that happened at Rika’s apartment, MC doesn’t feel so sure she’d live there now.

So what’s she going to do?

MC doesn’t have much time to think about it before a nurse comes in to check up on her. The nurse seems surprised that Seven’s left already, but MC lies and tells the nurse he had to hurry back to work. As little as she still understands of the situation, she doesn’t feel like she’d be able to tell the nurse the truth of why Seven so suddenly left her hospital room.

Her doctor comes in to talk to her at one point, but she’s still so out of it that she only hears half of what he says. There’s something said about a memory loss she already knows she’s suffering from, and that they’re apparently looking into getting her a therapist as soon as possible to try and jog her memories, or at least the few she’s still got left.

In addition to the treatment they’d given her before Seven came in, they readjust her position in bed so that she won’t puncture a lung, and they also remind her of the breathing exercises she has to do regularly. Six more weeks in this room is going to be a living hell, MC just knows it.

 _Six more weeks_. She feels like she’s been here for an eternity already, and she’s only spent five days here but in a coma. All MC wants is to get out of there, to go back to her normal life… though she doesn’t even _remember_ her normal life, the life she apparently spent with Seven, a man whose real name she can’t remember.

She tries to think of the other RFA members; Jaehee, Jumin, Yoosung, Zen, V. She never met V, but she’s talked to him on occasion in the RFA chatroom. It’s strange, because she knows she’s met them all. She became good friends with Jaehee, and the two even opened a café together. She’s close with Yoosung and Zen, too, and talks to Jumin on occasion now that he’s no longer the same stuck-up person he used to be the first little while after MC had joined the organisation.

Are there things she doesn't remember about the other members, too? Or is he the only one she doesn't remember everything about just because they'd been so close?

The doctor and nurse leaves to let her rest, and MC tries to do so, but to no avail. It’s really impossible to try and sleep when there’s so many thoughts racing through her head, one especially persistent thought with Seven’s name on it. What _is_ his real name? She obviously learnt it from him, but why would she forget?

MC gasps, and her hand flies to the nightstand next to her bed to grab her phone. Someone else has to know his name. Literally anyone in the RFA should know at this point, if she’d gone so far as to date and live with Seven.

She scrolls through her phonebook, trying to find just about _anyone_ she could call about this. One name in particular stands out to her, and it reminds her that Seven had mentioned it earlier. _Saeran_. Who is Saeran? It can’t be a member of the RFA, or MC would’ve known. Is that what V’s real name is? No, she continues scrolling down her phone book, and finds that she’s named a contact Jihyun “V” Kim, which is most definitely him.

So who’s Saeran, and why does she seem to have forgotten about them, too?

MC decides on calling Zen, and is relieved when it doesn’t take him forever to pick up.

“ _MC…? Are you… is it you?_ ”

MC frowns to herself. “Yes? Why wouldn’t it be me?”

Zen gasps, and she hears a chair scrape against the floor on Zen’s end of the line. “ _You’re awake. Oh my god, you’re awake. How… how are you?!_ ”

MC actually laughs; it’s really nice to hear his voice. “I’m… well, I could be doing better. But I’m okay, I’m awake. I’m sorry, are you at work?”

“ _No, I just got back home. Why?_ ”

“Could you come over?”

There’s a brief silence, almost as if Zen’s hesitating, and it just adds onto MC’s confusion about what the hell it is she’s forgotten. There’s definitely a large chunk of her memory missing, and it might affect everyone in her life, and maybe not just Seven.

“ _I can, but… are you sure I’m allowed to?_ ”

“Why wouldn’t you be?” she asks. “Visiting hours aren’t over yet. Could it be that you don’t want to?”

Zen sighs, and MC has a hard time trying to figure out what kind of a sigh it is. “ _I’ll… be over soon. As soon as I can_.”

They hang up, and MC is given some time to think about her strange phone call with Zen. Why wouldn’t he be allowed to come over if Seven was? Maybe it has to do with the relationship they have, and maybe Zen wouldn’t be allowed to come in since he isn’t dating MC? That wouldn’t make sense, though; normally you wouldn’t need to be in _that_ kind of relationship with a hospitalised person. Sure, family would have priority, but seeing as not even Seven is family, Zen should be allowed to visit her, too.

 

* * *

 

When there’s a light knock on her door, a voice follows that lets MC know it’s Zen. An immense amount of relief washes over her when he walks in, and she can’t help but smile widely.

“Thank you for coming,” she says. “God… I don’t even know where to begin.”

Zen stops in front of her bed, and while he looks hesitant, he takes her hand, and kneels before her. “That’s my line. I’m so glad you’re awake.”

“Now would you _please_ tell me why you wouldn’t be allowed to be here?”

His expression turns sombre, and his shoulders slowly rise and sink with a deep breath. “He… he told me not to come here, that I wasn’t allowed to see you. Don’t you remember? You had a fight… because of me. I screwed up really bad, and Saeyoung got _really_ angry with me.”

_Saeyoung?_

“So that’s his real name.”

Zen must’ve realised what he said, because he flinches, and looks like he regrets it. “He told us not to tell you.”

“Why?” MC asks, though she’s fairly certain she doesn’t want to know the answer to that question considering how Seven—no, _Saeyoung_ —had acted before when he’d visited MC, when she’d called him both Seven and Luciel.

“Because you didn’t… remember it yourself. It’s strange, I know, but that’s just how he is. I’m sorry.”

MC slowly clenches a fist, and then relaxes her hand again on top of the blanket. She’s got a few puzzle pieces that she doesn’t know what to do with, where they go, how they all fit together, but she’s still got a long way to go before she can even see what the picture is supposed to be. It’s so frustrating, and she feels like she’s just dragging everyone down like this, by having them come over and worry about her all the time.

And of course Saeyoung would tell everyone not to let MC know his real name when she couldn’t even remember it herself. She was probably the only one he’d expect to remember it, and then she didn’t. What a convenient memory loss she’s suffered, one that seemingly only erased memories of the one she loved, and no one else. Like removing specific pieces of a puzzle, or cutting out faces from photographs.

It makes her wonder if her brain did it on purpose. Why? To protect her? From what, in that case? From what she’s gathered, Saeyoung no longer works as a secret agent, so why should she need to protect herself from him? Nothing makes sense, and it just frustrates her even more that she can’t even come to this one conclusion on her own. The doctor said it’ll take time, but it’s time she feels like she doesn’t have before her chances of reconciling with Saeyoung are reduced to zero.

“What did you do to cause a fight between us?” MC asks, and immediately regrets her wording. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. But… what happened? Do you know?”

Zen scratches his chin, and smiles awkwardly. “It’s fine, it _was_ my fault, after all. I… well, called you when I was drunk. And I said some things I should’ve kept to myself, things that ended up making you upset. And Saeyoung really didn’t like that I caused that.”

There’s something at the very edge of MC’s mind, a voice, that tries to reach out to her. She tries to listen to it, tries to make out what it is the voice is telling her. Slowly but surely, through the fog of her mind, she recognises Zen’s voice. His _drunk_ voice, nonetheless.

 _… I just miss my princess_.

MC blinks, coming back out of her reverie, and she’s suddenly hesitant to look at Zen. Now she knows why. It’s strange how that works, how Zen just saying the right thing can so easily unlock something in her mind. So she _didn’t_ lose this memory, after all. Maybe she’s locked away several others, too, instead of completely losing them?

“Oh,” she says. “Now I remember. It’s strange… I remember the phone call, but I don’t remember anything else surrounding it. It’s like a standalone memory with nothing connecting to it… ah, I’m so frustrated!”

Zen gets up from the floor, and gets the chair by the door to sit by her bed. He almost looks like he wants to leave, but he doesn’t make an attempt to. They sit in silence for a while, and MC lets herself try and gather her thoughts and maybe trigger another memory while she might still be on a roll. Having Zen here definitely helps, and while it might not unlock memories she’d need right _now_ , she could still find puzzle pieces that would ultimately, _hopefully_ , restore the puzzle back to its completed state.

“I’m sorry,” Zen finally says. “I’m sorry for being selfish, and only thinking about myself while I lie and tell everyone I think of them, too.”

“But I know you do,” MC protests. “You _do_ care about others. Besides, everyone’s selfish in one way or another, it isn’t just you.”

MC recalls the time right before Jaehee had made the decision to quit working as Jumin’s secretary, when she’d been miserable, wanting something more out of her life. When Zen had gone over to visit her, coming with a very generous and thoughtful gift that would convince Jaehee to follow her dreams of opening a cafe. That, to MC, tells her that Zen isn’t a selfish person. He may have moments where he acts in selfishness, but he isn’t selfish.

Zen laughs miserably, and runs his fingers through his hair. “Thanks, MC. I still don’t feel like I deserve your forgiveness, because of what ultimately happened. Have you… talked to Saeyoung?”

There’s a twinge in MC’s chest at Zen’s question, and she looks down at their joined hands on her lap. With a little difficulty, she decides on telling Zen what happened when Saeyoung came in not that long ago, only to leave within a few short minutes. She realises that she must’ve really hurt him in calling him Seven and even Luciel, when Zen tells her why that name in particular makes Saeyoung upset to be called. This is also when MC finds out that the Jihyun “V” Kim contact in her phone belongs to a man who’s no longer alive, and that he's responsible for Saeyoung reacting so badly to being called Luciel.

It’s difficult to believe that all of this happened in the time she’s known the RFA members. That V took his own life, that MC and Saeyoung have lived together for _years_ , but arguably the most shocking thing; that Rika is still alive but in a place where no one can reach her, having been the cult leader of Mint Eye. What MC gathers from this is that every single memory she’s lost is connected to Saeyoung in some way, and she wonders just how she’s going to get them back if he won’t even talk to her.

“I… apparently forgot someone else, too,” MC says in a low voice. It’s odd; she doesn’t know how to approach the subject when she’s practically talking about a stranger. “Do you know who Saeran is?”

Zen visibly recoils at her words, almost as if they physically hit him. It makes her so annoyed that both Saeyoung and Zen would react like this when she has no idea what’s going on.

“Saeran… he’s Saeyoung’s twin. You don’t remember him?”

MC looks at Zen to try and see if he’s joking, but he’s dead serious, and this isn’t a joke. “I don’t remember Saeyoung having a twin.”

“How about… uh… Unknown? Ring a bell?”

Her frown turns into wide eyes, and she slowly shakes her head. No. It can’t be. They can’t be _twins_. Saeyoung, and Unknown? They look completely _different_ , there’s literally no way. And why would Saeyoung’s twin be the hacker that brought her to the apartment, the person who threatened to blow her and Rika’s apartment to smithereens?

“Is that him?” she asks. “Saeran… is Unknown?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you friends with him?!” MC nearly yells, and feels panic rise within her. “Why are you friends with a _criminal_ , with someone who did all of that to us, someone who—“

Zen squeezes MC’s hand, hard enough the point where she stops talking. He slowly lets go at this point, and once again sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s… there’s a lot we should tell you, because a lot happened after… apparently the last thing you remember. Saeran is a good guy, let me just start with that. It was all Rika’s doing.”

Never in a million years would MC expect to hear what Zen would then tell her about the guy she only remembers as Unknown, but someone the rest of the RFA later got to know as Saeran, Saeyoung's twin brother.

 

* * *

 

In the following days after Zen having visited her, MC is also visited by Yoosung, Jumin, and Jaehee. MC feels an immense amount of guilt over not having been able to help Jaehee with the cafe, but Jaehee just laughs it off and tells MC to sort out her priorities. To put herself first, for once.

But that isn’t something she’s used to doing. For as long as MC can remember, she’s always prioritised the happiness and well-being of her loved ones over her own. Apparently, that’s something she has in common with Saeyoung, too. She finds it strangely amusing that when she’d first met Saeyoung, she thought the two of them couldn’t be more different. But as time went on and as she got to know him even just a little better, MC realised the two shared quite a few things in common that apparently led them to starting a romantic relationship.

During all this time MC spends with her friends who come to visit her and help her jog her memories, she doesn’t see Saeyoung even once, and his phone is turned off whenever she tries to call him.

“He’ll come back to you,” Jaehee says in a comforting tone. “I think you’ve just got to give him some time to get himself back together. I don’t want to say this isn’t difficult for _you_ , but I think it’s difficult for him, too. In a different way, of course.”

MC nods slowly. “Yeah, I… I get that. I just feel bad, because I _want_ to remember him. Why is it that I can remember you guys, but not him? And why don’t I remember Unknown as Saeran if I’ve met him, and even become friends with him?”

Jaehee gives her a concerned look, and then turns her gaze to the flowers on MC’s nightstand. “He wants to come see you.”

MC raises her eyebrows. “Who, Saeran?”

“Yes.”

Her heart suddenly starts beating faster, and she knows it isn’t because she’s excited. The last thing she remembers of Saeran is when she _didn’t_ know his real name, and when he’d broken in through the window of Rika’s apartment to come take MC away, presumably to Mint Eye’s headquarters. She’d found him absolutely terrifying then, and doesn’t know just how she’d react if she were to meet Saeran now.

“What’s… what’s he like?”

Jaehee blinks in confusion, but then lets out a little _oh_. It’s probably weird to talk about it like this, but MC reckons she’ll probably have to get used to weird in the next little bit.

“He’s very kind. Maybe not as talkative as his brother, but he’s a good listener. Passionate, funny, and smart, too. And I know you only remember him as Unknown, but… trust me. Saeran is a very good person. It’s all thanks to you, and to Saeyoung.”

It’s hard to believe MC had anything to do with this transformation of Saeran that both Zen and Jaehee tell her about. But at this point, seeing as two people _do_ share the same opinion of him, there’s no room for doubt. Maybe it won’t be so bad to meet him, and maybe it’ll actually _help_ MC in restoring her memories. She doesn’t want to be too careless, but it might be okay for her to be alone with Saeran seeing as there _are_ hospital staff around at all times, considering her need for observation.

“I think I want to meet him, too,” she finally says.

“Do you want to see him alone? Or do you want someone to be with you, in case you still feel unsafe about the whole thing?”

MC shakes her head. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will be,” Jaehee replies, still looking a little concerned, “but I just want you to feel safe. I want you to be the judge of your safety for once.”

But MC reassures Jaehee that she’ll be fine. If Rika isn’t anywhere near them, there isn’t anyone for “Unknown” to report to anymore, so even if Saeran came over, he doesn’t have much of a reason to be the way he used to, unless he’s working under a different organisation now. It seems highly unlikely considering how the RFA seem to be living these days, so MC assumes she’ll be safe meeting Saeran alone.

She won’t deny that it’s a little nerve-wracking, though. No one’s going to be around when she meets “Unknown”, and who knows just how she’ll react to doing that. Even if she'll most likely be safe, she has no idea how things will turn out once they meet.

So far, she’s talked a little with just about everyone. Yoosung came over and tried to get her to remember things using photos on his phone, which is something he's promised to do regularly from now on. There were a lot of photos stored in the RFA messenger that Yoosung pulled up; photos MC had apparently taken of Saeyoung when he hadn’t noticed, when they’d been at the apartment and Saeyoung had pushed her away. It hurts to think about, that she’d once put so much of herself into trying to get through to Saeyoung, to get him to realise just how much she wanted to be with him.

That same spark is slowly being ignited within her again, but she knows it’s a little different this time around. With the help of her friends and soon also a therapist, she’s slowly regaining her memories. The only thing remaining is trying to get in contact with Saeyoung, which no one seems to have succeeded in doing so far.

MC’s therapist turns out to be a lovely woman who doesn’t push her in the least bit, who lets MC take her time in talking and trying to remember things. The therapist slowly but surely guides her along, tells her just _how_ to go about thinking of things, and already after their second session, MC feels like she’s gaining a lot from this. She still has a long way to go, but the fact that things are moving forward is reassuring enough for her to keep going and not giving up.

“While this may be obvious to you,” her therapist, Ms Yoon, says, “it’s best to just let things come as they wish. Some memories will be more difficult to uncover, many may come all at once and it could very well be stressful for you if it does. But I want you to be prepared for this. It isn’t going to be easy.”

MC exhales slowly, looking down at her hands. “I sort of figured as much. At the same time, I don’t really have much of a choice, do I? If I _can_ recover my memories, I’m going to do it, whatever it takes. Even if it’ll be a tough road.”

She knows everyone would agree that it really is the only option, though if MC knows Saeyoung right, she knows he’d probably want to present her with the other option she’s ignoring on purpose. If she’s already ‘forgotten’, she could just let it be that way. Start her life over and pick things up from there. But if she did, she knows she’d have to do it without Saeyoung by her side.

As little as she still remembers of their life together, she knows that the person she was before the car accident would definitely want to remember him, to remember _everything_. So that’s what she’s going to do; try her best to recover her lost memories, and try to get Saeyoung back into her life again.

And all of that might actually begin with her meeting his twin.

 

* * *

 

**[Jaehee: Saeran should be over very soon. Are you sure you’re okay with this?]**

 

MC takes a deep, slightly shaky breath, looking at the message Jaehee sent her. It should be fine. Just because she’s apparently lost every memory she has of Saeran and only remembers him as Unknown doesn’t mean he _is_ Unknown, still. Many years have passed, and she knows the RFA definitely wouldn’t be hanging out with him if he were still the same person he was back then.

**[MC: yeah, i’m sure. i think i have to do this, not just for me, but for everyone. probably him, too.]**

When she puts her phone back down again, she suddenly remembers something she should’ve probably done way sooner—to look through the photos on her phone. That, if anything, should help her get at least some pieces of her memories back. No one else seems to have thought of it, either, because they haven’t said anything, and MC knows they’re as keen on her recovering her memories as she is.

There’s a lot of photos of just Saeyoung; when he’s asleep, when he’s repairing a toy brought home from the toy shop he apparently runs with his brother, when he’s laughing, concentrating on something, frowning, pouting… it’s a completely different side of him that MC doesn’t recall, and a side she finds herself being more and more desperate to remember. Someone’s definitely played a cruel prank on her to make her only forget memories of the one she held dearest.

MC finds photos of Saeyoung playing video games with Yoosung and a man who looks almost identical to himself, the man MC assumes to be his twin. Aside from the glasses Saeyoung wears, there isn’t a whole lot that tells them apart, and the man MC sees in these photos looks vastly different from the white and light pink-haired man with green-blue eyes who once threatened to kill her. This man has red hair and golden eyes just like Saeyoung, and it’s hard to believe he once looked like he did when she and the rest of the RFA only knew him as “Unknown”.

What _happened_ to him for things to go so wrong? As much anguish as he’d caused MC back then, she can’t help but feel sorry for him. It can’t all have been his own doing. But if that’s the case, who would put him through all of this? And for what reason?

MC’s thoughts are interrupted by a knock on her door. It sounds hesitant, and it makes MC’s heart sink while she almost feels nauseous at the same time. It’s got to be him.

“Come in,” she says, and it takes two very long seconds before the door actually opens, and the man MC found in the photos alongside Saeyoung and Yoosung enters her hospital room.

“Hi, MC,” he says, sounding as timid as his knock on the door. He looks nothing like the Unknown she remembers so well unlike many other things she _wants_ to remember. And maybe it helps her calm down a little, because that at least somewhat confirms what everyone’s already told her multiple times. This man isn’t Unknown. He may have been a long time ago, but many things have changed, and he seems to have changed a lot, too, besides his looks.

Saeran looks a lot like Saeyoung. In fact, now that he's no longer using those coloured contacts and dyeing his hair, there's very little that separates them physically. Seeing Saeran like this makes MC wonder if maybe she really  _has_ been worried for nothing. If he'd still been like his "Unknown" personality, he probably wouldn't have stopped dyeing his hair, and he'd probably still wear those contacts as to not look like Saeyoung's twin. At the same time, she isn't  _completely_ over her hesitation, and knows the only way it'll disappear is if she actually talks to Saeran.

“Saeran… right?” she asks, and he nods.

“Can I sit by you?”

“Sure. Yes, absolutely.”

Saeran grabs the chair by the door, and places it down by her bed. He seems terrified of looking her in the eye, no—almost _ashamed_ to do so, and it makes her heart ache. She puts her phone down next to her on the bed, and clears her throat to begin speaking again.

“I’m glad you came here. Thank you.”

He shakes his head, still looking down. “I should be the one to thank you. For letting me come over, I mean. I… I know you don’t remember me, but I hope you will.”

This time it’s MC’s turn to be tentative, as she slowly puts her hand over his. Saeran flinches, but he doesn’t move away, and this time he dares to meet her gaze.

“I want to remember you,” she says, and she hasn’t been this sure of anything since she woke up from her coma. “Will you help me?”

Saeran’s eyes seem to almost light up, just a little, and MC sees a tiny spark of hope and excitement in them. He nods.

“Yeah, of course. Anything you want.”

It’s a very slow, hesitant start, but things go well. The two continue to go through the photo album on MC’s phone, and Saeran explains the things MC doesn’t understand or remember, and he eventually starts warming up to her a bit. It’s sad, because MC knows she and Saeran used to be close. That much she can tell just from the way he’s acting, and from the photos on her phone, as well as from what others have told her about him.

When Saeran talks, he gets more and more enthusiastic, and soon enough he doesn’t hold back. It’s nice to see, as strange as it probably should be. She’s gone from being nearly outraged at the fact that the RFA are still friends with “Unknown”, to now sitting in her hospital room and talking to his true self, to Saeran, and once again bonding with him.

“So,” Saeran says, and he almost goes back to being timid again. “You… you remember the tattoo I had, right?”

There’s no way she could forget the scary symbol of Mint Eye that she’d also seen on Saeran’s right arm. MC nods.

“Yeah, I do.”

“For my birthday, well—for _our_ birthday, you, Jaehee and Jumin gave me a gift that would help me get rid of it.”

MC raises her eyebrows. She got Saeran something with both Jaehee _and_ Jumin? Everything really _is_ possible when she doesn't remember anything past the first week and a half of having lived in Rika's apartment. “What was it?”

“Laser treatments,” Saeran continues. “It’s bandaged now, so you wouldn’t be able to see, but I’ve had two treatments so far, and it’s slowly starting to fade away. They say I’ll need six treatments at most, and while it’s painful, I’m… getting through it. I both want and have to.”

She remembers having heard from either Zen or Jaehee that the twins’ birthday is in June sometime, and since it’s still June, Saeran must’ve started his treatments shortly after he’d gotten the birthday gift. It makes her both happy and sad to hear; happy because she’d given him something he obviously appreciates and has use for, but sad because she knows he must’ve wanted to get rid of it for quite some time to be so eager to get rid of it as soon as the opportunity came to him.

Saeran must’ve gone through a lot, MC realises. She still doesn’t remember much of him, but she knows he must’ve had a rough past with Mint Eye, and that it must still haunt him to this day, especially with the tattoo on his arm as a daily reminder.

“I’m sorry for having thought you were still… the same person you were back then,” MC whispers, voice thick with sadness and guilt. “I’m so frustrated… that this happened. That I lost my memories of you both. You were obviously very important to me, so I don't understand why _you_ two are the ones I don't remember.”

Saeran shakes his head. “It’s not your fault, MC. All we can do now is work together to make sure you get your memories back.”

There’s one thing she’s been wanting to ask for a while now, and MC can’t keep it to herself anymore. It’s strange, because her heart seems to remember more than her brain does.

“Is Saeyoung okay?”

He looks at MC, surprised at first, but then he takes on a dejected expression, sighing.

“I’m not gonna lie, he’s… he’s been better. He pushes me away whenever I come over to see him, so I’ve decided to give him some time. Saeyoung even went so far as to change the password language on the front door to Latin, of all languages.”

“Wasn’t it Arabic before?”

A memory comes back to her after her mouth’s spoken the words without her really knowing she said them, and what she remembers is Saeran telling her he always keeps an Arabic dictionary with him whenever he comes to visit. She remembers being in Saeyoung’s apartment. She remembers _living_ there. And that’s not all; she remembers a white cat, too. The thing is, she’s absolutely sure it wasn’t Jumin’s Elizabeth the third.

“Yeah it was. God, it was so difficult to pronounce the words, I’m sort of glad he changed. But Latin isn’t easy, either.”

“Saeran… did we have a cat? Do we?”

Saeran looks at her, confused. “What? No. I mean, sure—Saeyoung’s still obsessed with them, but no, you don’t have a cat. Unless you mean Meowy?”

 

_… he looks really angry, and the robot cat definitely doesn’t help, MC knows that much. Saeyoung turns around to work on his computer again, and MC turns her attention back to the robot cat in front of her._

_“Meowy, let’s be quiet for now, okay?”_

_“That is a voice I’ve been programmed to not ever disobey! So I will listen!”_

 

“... Yes. I remember the robot,” she whispers. “He’d made it for me. He said it was programmed to talk like his 707 personality in the messenger.”

Saeran looks at her with a grief-stricken expression, and while he still seems very hesitant, he slowly brings a hand forward to wipe tears from MC’s face that she hasn’t even realised she’s shedding.

“MC…”

“I’m okay,” she says, and tries to smile. “My therapist told me this would be tough. But it’s fine. I know I’ve got… good friends by my side to help me through this.”

Saeran seems to relax a little, and he lets his hand fall to his lap again. “I can bring you the cat if you want to. I doubt Saeyoung would have anything against it—he didn’t like it that much, anyway. But… I think it could help you get at least some of your memories back.”


	6. groundhog day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every day at the hospital is pretty much the same, until one day Saeran finally gets back in contact with MC, and changes things quite a bit; for better, and for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! Bit late at this point, I suppose.

MC’s hospital routine is quickly starting to tire her out. She’s been there for almost two weeks at this point, but it didn’t take long for it to feel like she’s been there for _months_. Nurses come in to check up on her constantly, they make sure she’s doing her breathing exercises correctly, they change her bandages, help her get a bath, take her out in the yard to see the sun and get some fresh air while in a wheelchair.

It all makes her feel like she’s a bird trapped in a cage, and if she had wings she knows they’d be itching really bad at this point. There are so many things she both wants and _needs_ to do, yet she’s stuck here in this hospital under near-constant surveillance for the next few weeks because of two broken ribs that could easily puncture her lungs if she isn’t careful.

Saeran starts coming by regularly after work, too. Much to MC’s surprise, having initially been scared of meeting him because of the memories she had of him, it doesn’t take long for them to be really good friends. She knows that’s what they used to be before the accident, and guesses he’s probably relieved things are returning to normal. While she’s still got a long way to go yet down memory lane, she’s at least making progress, and that’s all that matters.

The cat robot MC remembered now resides on her nightstand in her hospital room, thanks to Saeran having gotten it from her and Saeyoung’s apartment. It’s obvious that Saeran’s trying to avoid talking about his brother, so MC doesn’t press him even if she may want to. Instead, whenever she isn’t having people over and when nurses and doctors aren’t breathing down her neck, MC spends her time talking to the cat robot Saeyoung made for her.

It’s initially very awkward talking to something that isn’t human or even an animal. It’s essentially a toy with an artificial intelligence, but it’s so well-made that it could just as well _be_ a sentient being. Saeyoung really is good at what he does, and that doesn’t just mean being a hacker. It was probably a given that the Choi twins would one day open a toy shop together given their combined skills and interests.

Talking to the cat really reminds MC of how Saeyoung used to be in the messenger before he came over to protect and live with her in Rika’s apartment. The cat is always happy, makes terrible jokes, and makes MC feel less lonely than she might be when no one else is around. That was probably why Saeyoung made it to begin with, and it doesn’t help ease her guilt thinking of it that way. He’s done so much for her, and this is how she thanks him? By _forgetting_ him?

“I know this probably isn’t the right thing to say, but… I really can’t wait until it’s okay to hug you.”

MC smiles at Yoosung, sitting by her bed. “I want to hug you, too. All of you. This is so frustrating, but I know I have to be patient.”

“Does it hurt?” he asks, frowning in concern. She shrugs.

“Not usually, no. Sometimes maybe if I move around and turn my upper body wrong, but it’s not that bad. It’s healing pretty nicely, I hear. I talked to a nurse the other day who said I’ll probably be fully healed in about a month, as long as I keep taking care of myself properly and generally taking it easy.”

“Wow,” Yoosung says. “You kind of remind me of Zen… but he’s more extreme in the healing department.”

She laughs. “Maybe I got some of it from him. I should thank him.”

“Yeah.”

MC hasn’t talked much to Zen since the day he came to see her and talk about “Unknown”, or Saeran. She’s still recovering memories around that one phone call they talked about, and the one thing that was apparently the catalyst that caused a chain reaction which would eventually lead to MC and Saeyoung ending up in a car crash. It’s odd to think of it that way, but that’s essentially what it is. They’d been fighting about Zen, and Saeyoung hadn’t looked in front of him on the road when they’d collided with a truck.

Most of these things, she’s heard from Jumin or Jaehee, but some of it are things she’s deduced on her own. Not remembered, which is how she’d prefer it to have come to her, but she knows it’ll come in time. Her therapist said it would be a painful process, and it could also be long. _Could_. There’s no telling how long it’ll take for MC to regain all of the memories she’s lost, and not knowing is the worst part.

“Have you… heard anything from Saeyoung?”

MC’s smile fades, and she slowly shakes her head. Her heart aches at the mere thought of him. “No. You?”

“I haven’t, and I don’t think anyone else has, either. Maybe Saeran, but he doesn’t tell me anything. I might also be a little shy to ask.”

“It’s fine. I think… he might just need some time.”

“Yeah, but it’s been almost two weeks now since you last heard from him. How much time does he need?”

She sighs, and looks out the window. It’s been raining pretty much all day, but it’s finally stopped now, and it seems like the sun might peek out through the clouds soon.

“I’m willing to give him all the time he needs, however long it may take.”

Yoosung takes MC’s hand, and squeezes it a little. The first thing he always does when he wants to comfort someone close to him is to hug them, but now that he can’t, MC knows this is probably the best alternative he has. And she really appreciates the gesture.

“I wish I was as strong as you,” he says, laughing a little. “I… I really admire you, MC.”

MC doesn’t see herself as a strong person, not physically, and definitely not mentally. She knows that’s partly why she’s in this situation to begin with; something was too much for her to handle that her brain chose to either just delete the information too tough to keep, or shoving it into the darkest corners of her mind so it’d be harder to find. So of course, when someone _tells_ her she’s strong, it comes as a major shock.

She may even shed a tear as Yoosung says it, and it causes him to panic slightly. “Wait, did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to make you cry, MC!”

“No, it’s okay,” she says. “I just didn’t expect that. Thank you, Yoosung.”

He makes a sound akin to a dog’s impatient whine. “Now I _really_ wish I could hug you.”

MC laughs at that.

 

* * *

 

Even though she knows it won’t work, MC tries calling Saeyoung. She calls once, is sent to voicemail, and then tries again about half an hour later. The same thing happens again, and this time she only waits five minutes. She knows it’s dumb to think that maybe, just _maybe_ he might pick up some time, because in reality, it might just piss him off more that she can’t take a hint.

Whenever she’s sent to voicemail, she hears a gentle voice greeting her, and it almost breaks her heart in two. This is not the person she remembers.

“ _Hello! You’ve reached Saeyoung’s voicemail. I’m unavailable right now, but leave a message and I’ll call you back when I can!_ ”

He sounds happy, carefree, and like a completely different person than Seven or Luciel. This is _Saeyoung_ , his real self, the one who doesn’t hold anything back, and is bright and honest. Just hearing him like this makes MC fall in love with him again, and that’s why it hurts.

“I want to clear up a misunderstanding, MC.”

Saeran’s come over to visit, which he does fairly often now, more so than anyone else. His voice is serious, and MC gets a slightly worrying feeling in her stomach as she studies his light frown.

“What misunderstanding?”

“Saeyoung isn’t avoiding you because he hates you.”

“Then why is he avoiding me? I don’t even know what I _did_.”

“That’s exactly it,” Saeran sighs. “You didn’t do anything. _He_ did, at least according to himself.”

She’s about to continue arguing, but then it occurs to her that this exact same thing has happened before, and she _does_ remember it. Whenever Saeyoung had come over to Rika’s apartment to fix the security system, he’d avoided being close to MC as much as he could, even suggesting using a sharpie to draw a physical line on the floor between them that MC wasn’t allowed to cross.

It had been difficult to get through to him at the time, since he either just raised his voice against MC, or completely ignored her. The most frustrating thing is that MC barely remembers any of the time _after_ that. Obviously things must’ve resolved at some point, or they wouldn’t have been dating for as long as they had. But it’s very frustrating to know that every memory MC still has of Saeyoung is linked to the time when she only knew him as Seven, and when she’d just gotten to know him outside of his messenger personality.

Both Jaehee and Yoosung have told her that neither the messenger Saeyoung nor the one she’d lived with at Rika’s apartment are part of his real personality. It was something he’d been forced to use as a mask to not show his real emotions, to not have people get close to him. If they got close to him, they could get hurt, and Saeyoung didn’t want that on his conscience.

“Because I got hurt,” MC says without a shred of emotion in her voice. “He’s distancing himself from me because he blames himself for the accident. And if he gets close to me once more, I might be in danger again.”

“Yeah, that’s… a good way to summarise it,” Saeran replies. “I think it’s something that never quite left even after he quit his job at the agency. Agents are told to not have personal relationships because people can get hurt because of them if they do. Saeyoung seems to think you forgot him because of him. That he caused it.”

“But that’s ridiculous!” MC protests. “That doesn’t even make sense. It was just… a terrible coincidence that wasn’t his doing.”

Saeran laughs bitterly, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter if you tell him that, because he’ll just tell you that the car accident was at least his fault, and that’s what eventually caused your memory loss. So he might as well be responsible for that, too. That’s just how he works.”

So what’s MC going to do, just accept that Saeyoung no longer wants to be around her because he’s scared ‘he might get her hurt again’? Things had apparently worked out just fine last time thanks to MC’s perseverance and patience, but who’s to say things will work out the same way again? If anything, he should remember how things went then and go out of his way to make sure she doesn’t get close to him the same way she did back then?

No. If there’s anything knowing Saeyoung has taught her, be it knowing him as Seven, Luciel or Saeyoung, it’s to never give up if she truly wants something. Or someone. And while her feelings haven’t completely returned to her yet, along with her memories, MC is determined to make sure things go back to the way they used to be. Because that might just be the only thing that makes sense.

“So what do I do?” she asks. “I can’t get in contact with him if he refuses to take my calls, and I can’t leave the hospital yet. I feel like the longer I wait, the less likely I am to get back together with him.”

“Leave it to me,” Saeran says. “I’m probably the only one he talks to these days, and I’m actively trying to get him to change his mind. It’s… quite a process, though. But trust me, and please be patient. I do want things to go back to normal.”

MC manages a smile, and she reaches out a hand to touch Saeran’s arm. “Thank you, Saeran. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this, how much I appreciate you coming to see me so often.”

“Well, we’re… practically family, so that’s a given,” he mumbles, his face slightly shifting colour.

 

* * *

 

**[Zen: MC, can i come over?]**

MC’s been so busy the past few days that she hasn’t had much time to think about Zen. Either she’s got a visitor, she’s seeing her therapist, or a nurse or a doctor is checking up on her. The thing is, whenever she’s had a visitor, it hasn’t been Zen. Up until now, apparently.

**[MC: yeah, of course!]**

 

Things may have been a little stiff between them lately, but MC hopes they can get past it and move on as friends. She knows that might not be what Zen wants first and foremost, but at least she can _hope_ he’ll be willing to settle for friendship instead.

And things may be a little awkward when he first arrives, but Zen and MC do find their way back to normal rather quickly.

“I’m sorry I stayed away,” Zen says. “I guess I just needed some time to sort stuff out.”

“It’s okay, I understand. I’m just happy to see you again.”

He smiles a little. “Yeah, likewise. How are you feeling?”

“It’s better,” MC shrugs, “but I’m not quite there yet. It’s gotten a lot less painful, though.”

“Well, that’s good. I wish I could transfer some of my weird healing abilities to you… I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have broken bones for several _weeks_. It would drive me insane.”

MC laughs. “Yeah, it _is_ driving me insane. I do get to come out and such, but it’s not the same as being able to walk outside by myself. I’m tired of being tended to like this. I feel like a child again.”

Zen’s still smiling, but it slowly fades, and he looks down at MC’s hands on top of the blanket. “Still haven’t heard from Saeyoung, I assume?”

“No,” she sighs, looking out the window. Until just recently, the day had been mostly clear, but it looks like it’s going to rain soon with grey clouds gathering in the sky. “I talked to Saeran the other day, though, and he told me to leave it to him for now. And I guess that’s all I can do, seeing as he’s the only one Saeyoung talks to now.”

“He’s done this before,” Zen says, and MC turns her gaze away from the window to look at him again.

“Done what?”

“Straight up abandoned you. I don’t… know if you remember this, but… there was a bomb at Rika’s apartment.”

That’s at least something MC won’t forget, and she wonders if she should be thankful for retaining such a memory but not others she _would’ve_ liked to still have. Knowing she was living with a bomb but that she couldn’t _leave_ the apartment… was by far the toughest thing MC has ever experienced. She remembers Seven swearing to her that he’d protect her with all that he had, and that her safety was his top priority. Never in a million years would she believe it would all lead to her actually being in love with and living with him.

“No, I do remember that part,” she mumbles. “Kind of difficult not to.”

Zen laughs bitterly. “Figured as much. He just… he kept saying that he’d do everything in his power to save you, to keep you safe. But then when the opportunity came for him to go over and be there with you in person, he just _didn’t want to_. Can you believe him? It still makes me mad thinking about how he acted back then.”

“I’m sure he had his reasons. Maybe agency restrictions.”

At this point, she realises she’s just making excuses and trying to defend Saeyoung with basically nothing. And it makes her think that, if she’s doing all this, maybe there _is_ a part of her that remembers him, and still loves him the same way she did before the accident.

Zen snorts. “You know, if my agent told me I wasn’t allowed to go and save you from getting blown up, I would tell him to screw off, and I’d still go. My job isn’t as important as the life of someone close to me.”

 

“ _I can’t come over and save you right now, but remember that I’m on the list of people of those who want to_.”

 

MC gasps, and widens her eyes at the sudden flash of memory that enters her mind, like lightning. She feels her body run cold for a second, as if she isn’t _there_ but she still is, somehow, as if her soul and mind are forcibly removed from her physical being to recall a whole slew of memories all at once.

Zen gives her a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I just… remembered something. You called me… before he came over, I’m assuming. And you said you would’ve come over if you could.”

This time, it’s Zen’s turn to avert his gaze, and look out the window. His shoulders sink as he exhales. “Of _course_ I would have. I was so worried about you… I mean, we all were. You didn’t deserve any of the things that happened, after having joined us and helped us in so many ways. I know now why Saeyoung lost his respect and trust in V.”

V is a topic Saeran’s only ever mentioned once, and it had been through gritted teeth. MC vaguely remembers that V had something to do with why the brothers got separated, and why Saeran ended up as Unknown working for Mint Eye. Going by what she’s heard from everyone, and mostly from Yoosung, MC assumes that her initial impression of V couldn’t have been more wrong.

At the same time, V is the very reason why MC was allowed to join the RFA to begin with. He was the one to allow her access to the messenger, and the one who didn’t kick her out of Rika’s apartment, because she could now work for them and help organise another fundraising party. Had it not been for V, MC would’ve never met the members of the RFA.

Had it not been for V, she would’ve never met Saeyoung. And maybe that’s what Saeyoung wishes—that V would’ve said no from the very beginning so that none of this would’ve ever happened.

“I think it might’ve been a mistake for me to join the RFA after all,” she mumbles.

“What?”

“I just… ended up causing you all problems. Not just for… for Saeyoung, but for all of you. For you, too, Zen, because you always care about me, worry about me—”

“MC, stop!”

She doesn’t realise she’s crying before Zen takes her face in his hands, and forces her to look at him. Zen gently rubs a thumb along her cheek to dry her tears, and she instantly wants to get away from the affection and care she doesn’t deserve. But Zen doesn’t let her look away, doesn’t let her turn her head, and makes sure she keeps eye contact with that intense stare of his.

“Zen…”

“No, listen to me. You coming to the RFA was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to us. I know that Saeran’s still conflicted about it all, and that he doesn’t like to talk about how it all started, but ultimately… it all turned out to be for the best. Okay? We all cherish you a lot. Not just me, not just Saeyoung, but all of us.”

MC tries to laugh despite crying, and she shakes her head. “Saeyoung hates me now.”

“He doesn’t hate you. I know that, and you said Saeran even told you he doesn’t. He pretends to, he wants you to _think_ he hates you, but that’s how he works… or that’s at least how he used to be. I know you only remember him as Seven, as the happy-go-lucky guy from the chatroom, but in reality, Saeyoung is… completely different from the personality he takes on in the messenger. And you knew that once. I know that you’ll remember this someday.”

It makes MC think of one of the first phone calls she’d ever had with Saeyoung, where he’d told her that getting close to him was dangerous because of his profession. He’d laughed it off as a joke, like he did everything, and back then, MC hadn’t really paid attention to what he’d said. Apparently, that was exactly what he wanted, too.

“Zen?”

Zen pulls back, but only to take MC’s hand in his. “Yeah.”

“I would really appreciate it if… if you could tell me what he’s like. I would like to remember the Saeyoung I loved, and want to love again.”

A sombre expression shadows his facial expression, but then Zen smiles again. “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

Much like what had happened with Zen, MC doesn’t hear much from Saeran following the last time he’d come to visit her. It’s for a completely different reason, and she knows it, but she can’t help but want to contact him and ask how things are going. If there’s a chance she’ll at least get to _talk_ to Saeyoung again.

Many of her memories return. Sometimes a bunch come at once, even if they aren’t directly linked, sometimes there’s only tiny fragments of an entire memory that she has to piece together with the help of her therapist.

Writing things down definitely helps, because that way, she can turn abstract thoughts, feelings and memories into something somewhat tangible, something she can _see_. She tries creating a timeline of the memories she’s regained so far, and while it _is_ helpful, it also makes her realise just how much of her time with Saeyoung is still missing. She’s strangely enough managed to remember a lot about Saeran, and she thought memories of Saeyoung would be linked to him and come to her automatically, but she’d been wrong.

“I want you to think of the collection of your memories as a box, and the tiny inklings beginning to form memories are threads leading to memories locked away inside said box,” Ms Yoon says, but then she laughs a little. “It might be a little strange to think about. Do you understand what I mean?”

MC nods slowly. “Yeah, I do. So, I just have to figure out a way how to pull at the strings to obtain the memories?”

“Well, yes, sort of. Certain actions will pull at these strings, and you'll be able to pull out memories either one by one or several at once. As I'm sure you're already experiencing.” MC nods again, and Ms Yoon continues. “When your mind has decided that it’s completely safe to open the box, it’ll open, and you'll regain your lost memories easier than you are right now.”

“Okay,” MC says. It’s a lot to take in, but that’s something she knew beforehand, something Ms Yoon actually informed her of earlier. “Is there a possibility my brain locked away memories because it wanted to protect the memories themselves? And not… well, me?”

Ms Yoon raises her eyebrows. “Yes, that’s actually very plausible. It isn’t very _common_ , but there have been cases where this has happened, where some sort of self-defence mechanism has kicked in that allowed the brain to lock away important memories in order to not have them… well, be lost forever.”

It all makes it sound like MC is some sort of computer suffering from memory corruption. As if she’s gathered too much important and heavy information that, in the end, her brain decided to reset, but still keep those important memories stored away in a safe place.

 _… I sound like him when I think like this_.

“So… if they’re not harmful, I can get them back, right?”

“Yes, of course,” Ms Yoon replies. “It’s the same situation like the box I explained to you. All it takes is patience, constant but not too forced ‘jogging’ of your memory… and writing things down certainly helps. As we’ve now established the fact that your memories aren’t _lost_ , I think it’s safe to say you’ll get them back soon.”

MC doesn’t have the time to be patient and wait for her memories to come back with moderation. The longer it takes, the less likely she is to reconciling with Saeyoung. And at that point, it won’t matter how hard Saeran tries to get through to his brother, because it would’ve taken too long, and Saeyoung would’ve most likely moved on.

Flatmates Saeran and Yoosung come over to spend the evening with MC, with ‘just this one time’ permission to stay past visiting hours. They’ve brought a bunch of DVDs, and using the tiny TV in MC’s hospital room and Yoosung’s gaming console as the DVD player, they watch a film, eat popcorn, and have a really fun evening together.

It’s been a long time since MC had this much fun. As much as she sometimes feels like she’s caused the RFA problems by joining, she also couldn’t be happier that they accepted her to join and work for them, because the foundation gave her the best friends one could ever have. One unexpected, friend, sure, but he’s quickly becoming one of MC’s closest friends once again.

Even so, she doesn’t have visitors all the time. Her friends have lives to live, jobs to do, and while they’re busy doing their own things, MC is stuck in a hospital bed unable to do anything else. The frustration that comes from not being able, as well as not being _allowed_ , to go to work and do something useful yet might just amplify her feeling of loneliness. She misses feeling like she’s done something with her day, feeling like she’s made a difference.

“How are you doing today?” the nurse asks. _Same questions every single day_ , she thinks. Her response has become almost robotic at this point. “Fine.” “Good.” “Okay.” Things don’t change a whole lot when she’s stuck in this godforsaken bed, even if she _is_ healing, and will be discharged within a few weeks.

“The usual,” MC decides to say instead, and the nurse gives her an understanding smile.

“I know this isn’t going to help a whole lot, but… at least _try_ to see the positive in the fact that you’re just over halfway through your predicted healing period.”

The nurse is right, it _doesn’t_ help. Rather, it makes her feel like time’s almost moving slower than how she perceives it. But MC decides to not let more of her impatience show, and she thinks the nurse actually believes her.

When MC’s been put back in bed after a shower and change of gauze, she checks her phone as she always does. To her surprise, Saeran’s sent her a message, which doesn’t happen all that often seeing as he’s busy, and generally doesn’t text a whole lot. Surprisingly, though, he prefers talking on the phone over sending text messages.

**[Saeran: can i call you?]**

 

He’s probably the only one of them who would ask instead of just calling, MC realises. His short message makes her worry a little, but she tries not to think too negatively as she sends away an affirmative response. When her phone rings, though, MC can’t help but take a deep breath, and exhale slowly before picking up.

“Hello? Saeran?”

“ _Hi, MC_ ,” he says. “ _Are you available right now?_ ”

“Yeah, I just came back after my regular check-up. Why?”

When he doesn’t immediately say something, the worrying feeling at the bottom of MC’s stomach grows, and she starts chewing on her bottom lip anxiously. Something bad could’ve happened. She knows she shouldn’t automatically think that way, but with the way Saeran’s acting, it seems very likely.

“ _Saeyoung’s coming over_.”

“He’s… he’s what?”

She hears Saeran breathe on the other end of the line, and she even hears her own heart pounding against her ribcage. “ _He’s coming over to see you soon. Well, I was going to ask if it was okay. Is it okay that he comes over?_ ”

MC’s initial thought is to almost yell at Saeran that, yes, of _course_ it is. But then she registers a key part of his statement. _I was going to ask if it was okay_. Saeyoung didn’t want to ask it himself, and instead asked his brother to do so. His visit is most likely not going to leave MC with a smile on her lips. As for what he’d want to come and talk to her in person about, she has no idea. Considering the fact that he’s been doing his best to avoid talking to her, this wasn’t even on MC’s list of things to expect.

But even so… she wants to see him. She can’t say no when he’s refused to take her calls for so long, and he hasn’t been in touch with anyone but Saeran since that day he came to visit MC. It’s a big risk to take, but one MC’s very much _willing_ to take if it means she gets to see Saeyoung again, and maybe try and get through to him.

“Yeah,” she says. “Yeah, of course.”

“ _Okay, I’ll tell him that. Talk to you soon_.”

When Saeran hangs up before MC has a chance to say goodbye, she gets the feeling he knows something he chose not to tell her. She sits and stares at her phone screen in disbelief and shock for a few seconds before she puts her phone down on her lap instead, letting a sigh rush through her lungs.

It’s strange, because as much as MC wants to see him, she wonders if it’s really for the right reasons. She feels like maybe she just wants to see him for her own, selfish reasons, because she wants to recover her memories, and Saeyoung could probably help if he’d be willing to. Because even if she’s in love with him, MC still doesn’t remember quite how she felt about him before the accident, meaning her feelings aren’t as strong as they probably should be.

Saeyoung looks tired when he arrives. His hair is slightly more dishevelled than it usually is, and he’s got dark circles under his eyes as if he hasn’t been sleeping well. MC doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, but if she’s to believe what everyone else’s told her so far, she has a pretty good clue why he looks the way he does.

“Hi,” she says as he closes the door behind him. _I’ve missed you_. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t make an effort to move away from the door, and just stands in place with his arms crossed over his chest, not looking directly at MC. His eyes instead fall on the robot cat on MC's nightstand. “Saeran brought you the cat.”

“He did,” MC replies. “It's good company when there's no one else here.”

She almost wants to laugh at herself for thinking that this isn't as bad as it was the first time Saeyoung had pushed her away like this, because right now, they're at least talking. That wasn't the case back at Rika's apartment, where he'd even suggested drawing a line on the floor between them that neither had been allowed to cross. It honestly wouldn't have surprised MC if Saeyoung had just pulled out a sharpie from his pocket and done so.

Yes, things are different now, because even if Saeyoung's trying to push MC away the way he did before, it isn't going to be as easy this time around, and there's a lot more that's happened between them for MC to just let him do this.

“I’m not gonna be here long. I just had to tell you this one thing, and then I’m leaving.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve got somewhere to be soon.”

Even if MC doesn’t know him as well as she used to, she knows he’s lying right now. But she also knows there’s no way she’s gonna be able to convince him to stay, and if she calls him out on his lie, she’s gonna end up cutting his visit _very_ short.

“Okay,” she says instead. “What did you wanna talk about?”

Saeyoung seems to prepare himself a little before speaking; not in the way of taking a deep breath, but just contemplating his words and their possible consequences. “I’ve talked to Jaehee,” he begins. “I asked if it was okay if you moved in with her for a while after you get discharged from here.”

MC raises her eyebrows. “Why should I move in with her?”

“Because I’m moving your stuff out of my place.”

“And why are you doing that? Why are you pushing me away?”

He frowns lightly, still refusing to look MC’s way. “You can’t live with me, for several reasons. It’s for the best that we don’t live together anymore. And trust me, if it had been a case of me living at _your_ place, I would’ve moved out.”

MC could’ve figured that one out on her own; she knows he probably would’ve moved out the same day Saeyoung first came to visit her at the hospital and she’d called him Seven. It feels like she’s gone back in time, back to the days when he’d been distant and cold towards her, sometimes even insulting and bordering on _scary_. The only thing is that now he’s lacking the threatening part, and he’s just being very cold and distant.

It wouldn’t surprise MC if he tried his insulting tactics again to get her to dislike him, believing that would make it easier on them both to just get this over with.

“Why are you doing this again?” she asks in a low voice, clutching at the blanket and gripping tight.

“Doing what?”

“Deciding things for me. Telling me what to do without asking me if I’m okay with it.”

“I’m telling you that this is for the best,” Saeyoung says through gritted teeth. “For the both of us.”

If she hadn’t been in love with Saeyoung, and if she hadn’t lived with him, she definitely wouldn’t mind living with Jaehee if the other didn’t mind it, either. They’re good friends, and they even work together, so _living_ together wouldn’t be anything but positive, in MC’s opinion. But now that she _does_ live with someone else, now that she’s in a relationship with Saeyoung and is in love with him, she _does_ mind him telling her to go live with someone else.

“What if I don’t agree?”

“Then _don’t_ live with her! Go find your own place, then; I’m just trying to make it easier on you. All I’m saying is we’re not gonna live together anymore.”

MC lets out a frustrated sigh, and she _really_ wants to get out of that goddamn bed right now to walk up to him, be close to him, maybe shake some sense into him. But she knows the nurses and her doctor will be absolutely livid if they find out. And she _does_ want to get out of her as soon as possible, so she decides to stay put, even if it’s really maddening.

“Can’t you just tell me why you’re doing this?!”

“Because if you’re with me, you obviously get hurt! I told you this once, but you wouldn’t listen. You forced me to stay with you even _after_ I secured your safety, something I had to do since I’d put you in danger to begin with. And now you wanna put this on me again?”

MC angrily blinks away the tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and takes a deep, shuddery breath. “Things aren’t like that around us anymore. You don’t work for the agency, Mint Eye doesn’t exist anymore. What more could you possibly be afraid of that would mean immediate danger to any of us?”

“You didn’t have to be part of the RFA to have gotten into that car accident for starters,” Saeyoung argues. “This is what I’m talking about. It’s not just because I was a secret agent—I’m _surrounded_ by bad luck. It’s who I am, MC. I was dumb to believe it would just disappear because you came into my life… in a way, it got worse, because I managed to get something. Which means I had something to lose.”

The way he talks makes it sound like they’ve already broken up, as if it’s been a while since it happened, and as if he’s already moved on. This is one of the things MC had been afraid of; that when she met Saeyoung again, he’d have gone past all stages and landed on acceptance, waving his white flag. Is this really it?

“You know… I thought you were one who wouldn’t give up just like that,” she says. “Someone who would fight for what he wants, someone who would try again if the first attempt wasn’t successful. You can’t stay away from me just because you’re scared something will happen. Things might still happen even if we’re not together. That’s how life works, Saeyoung.”

“Don’t say my name.”

“No, I’m going to, because you allowed me to do it once, and nothing has really changed since. All those years ago, I allowed you to take out your anger on me, because I could take it. I still can, but I don’t deserve it this time, and you don’t have a reason to take things out on me, because this wasn’t my fault. And it wasn’t your fault, either. Sometimes… things like these just happen.”

Saeyoung snorts. He leans his head back against the door, and closes his eyes. “You sound just like Jumin. He said the same thing.”

“Well, then maybe there’s some truth to it. Do you think it’s my fault that I can’t remember you or Saeran?”

“No.”

MC almost wants to sigh in relief, even though she pretty much knew he’d say no. What she didn’t expect was that he stopped himself after that, instead of saying that it’s rather _his_ fault. But maybe he thinks better of it because he’s already mentioned it too many times, probably knowing MC is going to argue with him every single time he says it, like she already has been doing.

Things are different now. Of course, if their roles had been reversed, MC wouldn’t feel too happy about the situation, either, but she knows she definitely wouldn’t have pushed away someone she loves just because they don’t remember her.

“Then please don’t shut me out,” she almost whispers. She told herself to _not_ sound desperate, to _not_ cry, but it seems like she can’t keep herself from doing either. That might just be the consequence of her having such deep feelings for Saeyoung, even if she can’t remember everything just yet.

Saeyoung finally faces her, looks straight at her, and he sighs while pinching the bridge of his nose. “You always manage to make it so difficult for me. You always tell me to _not_ be scared of anything happening to you, but if you look at our history, you can’t blame me.”

“You’re right, I can’t,” MC admits. “But are you really going to let our past define our future?”

“I… MC, I can’t do this right now.”

“Why?”

He turns around to leave, but hesitates once he’s opened the door. MC waits for him to say something, and it feels like the few seconds that pass last for several minutes. But then all Saeyoung does is sigh, before he exits the room and shuts the door behind him.


	7. all that remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehee lends out a helping hand more than once, and Saeran makes a suggestion to MC that could mean both good and bad things not only for her, but himself, too.

“I don’t care what he says, you’re not staying with me. And it isn’t that I wouldn’t want to live with you, don’t misunderstand.”

MC shakes her head. “It’s okay, I get what you mean.”

“What makes Saeyoung think I would just let him do that?” Jaehee sighs, running her fingers through her bangs. Her hair has grown past her shoulders, and it really suits her. Not that the short hair didn’t, but everyone, including herself, associates it with Jaehee’s job as Jumin’s assistant, and she doesn’t like to be reminded of that past.

“Do what?”

“Whatever he wants! Just because he can’t handle living with you doesn’t mean he gets to decide who you live with.” When MC flinches, Jaehee frowns, and averts her gaze for a second. “I’m sorry, that was too harsh. I should really learn to choose my words more wisely. What I meant to say is that he can’t decide for other people what they should do when he wants something in particular.”

Maybe she’s getting too ahead of herself, but MC thinks she saw some hints in Saeyoung that he _does_ want to be with her, but that he’s holding himself back because he thinks he’s just causing her trouble. It might be the case, but she might also be sorely mistaken. And not knowing which it is, is the worst part.

“You’re… right,” MC replies. “I definitely don’t want to impose on you, but I also don’t want to cause a bigger rift between me and Saeyoung. I really don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I’m going to continue arguing with him until he gives in. I’m not afraid of him—I used to even be scared of _Jumin Han_ , but in comparison, Saeyoung doesn’t even come close to Jumin’s level of intimidation.”

MC can’t help but laugh. Jaehee has changed a whole lot these past years, from always taking Jumin’s orders, never doing anything for herself and always putting herself last, to being someone completely different. The Jaehee sitting here right now is the very definition of freedom, MC realises. She’s broken free from her chains and is running her own business, doing something she _wants_ to do. MC might even be a little _jealous_ of Jaehee’s courage and determination.

“Tell me if there’s anything I can help with,” she says. “I feel like I’m just having you all help me with something I _should_ be able to deal with on my own, and I feel bad.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t feel bad. You helped us a lot in the past, so now it might be our turn to repay the favour. But yes, of course I’ll let you know.”

The way Jaehee says ‘helped _us_ ’ makes MC feel like her heart doubles in size, and she feels her cheeks heat up a little with embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

The day finally comes when MC is allowed to walk around on her own, even though she isn’t allowed to wander off too far. At least it’s something, and at least she doesn’t have to sit in a wheelchair whenever she wants to go outside. Her doctor says it’s a good thing to try and get her body back to the way it was, and albeit small, this is a step in the right direction.

Just sitting out in the sun in the little garden area behind the hospital helps a lot. She doesn’t have long until she’ll be discharged, and just thinking about it makes her more motivated to keep going with her odd breathing exercises, as well as squeezing her shoulder blades together to help her ribs get back to their original strength.

She’d gotten lucky in the medication department, because her doctor told her that in the worst cases, people are prescribed with anaesthesia or very strong pills to deal with the pain. MC, on the other hand, has only had to take three Ibuprofen a day with her meals, and hasn’t had all that much pain thanks to these pills. She no longer experiences pain unless she stretches wrong or sits in a weird position, and it’s a relief to know she’s gotten this far.

It’s been just over a month, and MC can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The only thing that makes her nervous about it is that she doesn’t know where she’ll live once she gets discharged. She knows that in worst case scenario, Jaehee will gladly take her in, but neither of them want it as their plan A. MC wants to be with Saeyoung, because that’s where she belongs. Had she not dated Saeyoung, she would’ve probably lived with Jaehee since they work together, or she might’ve moved back to her old apartment.

She wonders if she would ever want to go back to living in Rika’s apartment should Saeyoung absolutely refuse her moving back in. Would she be able to cope with the bad memories associated with that place? Even if Mint Eye is now gone and there’s no immediate threat towards the RFA, would MC be able to feel safe living there? She still has the combination to the lock, but it isn’t as if she can just waltz in there like she had once before. The contract is still technically in Rika’s and V’s names, but since neither of them are around, Saeyoung technically owns the apartment.

But maybe he wouldn’t be so opposed to letting her live there as long as she doesn’t live with _him_.

“Feels good to be at least a _little_ bit more free, huh?”

MC sighs happily. “Yes. I feel like I appreciate being outdoors a lot more now.”

Saeran smiles at that. “I get what you mean.”

There was a time, MC’s started to remember, when Saeran didn’t smile. When all he did was be extremely wary of people, being paranoid, scared, threatening people who came close to him. It all had to do with the heavy drugs he’d been fed daily for so many years, and the brainwashing Rika and Mint Eye had subjected him to. MC still can’t believe V would just stand by and let it happen because his love for Rika was so strong that he didn’t dare stand up against her.

V was a complicated man, MC understands. She only met him in person less than a handful of times before he died, but from what the others have told her about him, she’s gotten the impression that, while he was humble and loved the people around him very deeply, he was easily swayed by Rika, who learnt to take advantage of it. V did what he thought was best for everyone, but him never consulting anyone about it was the biggest mistake he could make.

Even so, despite MC’s complicated feelings about V and everything that happened, she can’t bring herself to hate him. She knows that he ultimately betrayed the twins, but he probably wouldn’t have done so if Rika hadn’t been in the picture. At the same time, MC can’t say that Saeran and Saeyoung’s hate for V is completely unjustified.

It’s very difficult, but ultimately, MC knows it has very little to do with her, despite her deep involvement with the RFA, and especially Saeyoung.

She remembers more and more of him. Remembers her deep feelings for him, recalls some of their moments together that so far aren’t connected. She has a lot more pieces of the puzzle in her possession now, but it’s only a matter of putting them down in the right place, and finding the rest of them.

“Saeran?”

“Yeah.”

“Has Saeyoung gone back to work?”

Maybe it’s a weird thing to ask, but she can’t help but worry for the both of them. For Saeyoung, if he’s just locking himself inside the house, never leaving or doing anything else. But also for Saeran, who would in that case have to run the toy shop all by himself. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to take her question the wrong way.

“He has. At first, he was… kind of distant. Not rude to the customers, but pretty close to crossing the line… so I kind of scolded him for it. Well, I guess I just _talked_ to him about it more than anything.”

“I’m… sad to hear that he’s having a hard time. I wish there was something I could do, but he’d just reject me if I tried.”

It sounds to MC like Saeyoung’s just brought out his old 707 mask to wear at work, and that’s probably what he’s done, too. In a way, maybe it’s a good thing to be able to just switch on a fake personality like that at times, but it had certainly been a shock for MC to meet Saeyoung the first time to realise that it _had_ just been a mask he was wearing.

“I know this might sound weird, especially coming from me… but I think it would be good for you to go back to… to her apartment,” Saeran says. “Since it could help fill in some gaps in your memory.”

MC nods slowly. Of course, she’s thought about doing so, and not just in the sense of her possibly moving back there in case Saeyoung absolutely refuses to have her live where she used to live with him. But when someone else suggests it, giving her another reason to go back there, it makes her almost nervous, scared. No one lives there, so there won’t be any immediate danger, but she’s scared of what she’ll remember.

“I agree… it could probably be good for me.”

“And I don’t have to be the one who goes with you; god knows I’m probably the last person on the list of people who _should_. But I’m sure one or several of the others would go with you.”

She frowns, and looks up at Saeran. “Don’t say that. I know who you are now, I remember you. And I wouldn’t mind going back there… as long as you wouldn’t.”

Saeran averts his gaze, looks out over the hospital yard. A complicated expression shadows his face for a moment. “It’d feel a little weird, but… maybe it’d be good for me, too. Could give me some closure, maybe.”

In that sense, it does sound like Saeran’s the _best_ candidate for going with MC back to the apartment. They both have things they need to either remember or overcome, and since they have each other in a completely different sense from back then, it seems like the only logical solution.

MC takes Saeran’s hand, which makes him turn to look back at MC, and down at their joined hands. “Let’s go together, then,” she says. “Once I get discharged, let’s go to the apartment.”

 

* * *

 

It feels weird to get discharged even though her memories aren’t completely restored, but MC knows it’s because she isn’t mentally _unstable_ , she can still function properly. And while she still has to do some light, regular rehabilitation for another week, it isn’t anything she can’t do at home, or even during a break at work. It’s a good thing her job isn’t physically strenuous in that regard, because MC has been itching to get back to work for quite some time now.

There are some last-minute check-ups to be made, and then she has to sign several pages of a form before she’s officially released, along with all of the gifts she’s received since she was first admitted to the hospital. She decides to throw away the flowers, though, since they probably won’t survive long without water. Jumin probably won’t mind it, she tells herself. If anything, he’s probably going to get her a new bouquet for having been released from the hospital.

Jaehee comes to pick MC up, and she’s offered to let MC stay at her place if Saeyoung absolutely refuses to let her in. Jaehee, however, is confident in her persuading skills, and has assured MC that she’ll probably convince him to let her come back home. MC can’t help but be a bit nervous despite this; not because she doubts Jaehee, but because she knows just how stubborn Saeyoung can be, especially when it comes to pushing people away.

“Are you okay?”

MC tears her gaze from the window, and instead looks at Jaehee, who casts a slightly worried glance her way. They’re leaving the hospital, and MC doesn’t look back. It’s been a strange six weeks she’s had to spend here, filled with all sorts of emotions and events. She’s really glad to leave, even though her doctor and nurses have been really kind and helpful. A hospital isn’t a place you’d really want to stay longer than necessary in.

She blinks a few times to get out of her odd reverie, and then nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. It feels a little weird, though.”

Jaehee hums. “That’s to be expected. Things will come back to you in time, though. How often are you going to see your therapist now?”

“Once a week is apparently good enough,” she replies. “She told me I probably won’t need much more seeing how I’ll get a lot of… ‘treatment’ while I’m just out doing the stuff I used to. Talking to you guys, working, just living life.”

“That makes sense,” Jaehee says. “And of course, we’ll all be here to help.”

MC looks down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her fingers. She thinks about what Saeran had suggested, wonders to herself just how it might go. What will they accomplish? How will Saeran react upon returning to a place where he’d once threatened two people to death, a place he’d broken into to attempt kidnapping a person he’d half-forced to live there to begin with? What memories will return to MC once she steps inside the apartment?

“Saeran… suggested I should go back to Rika’s apartment.”

Jaehee looks at her again, this time with both anger and surprise in her facial expression. “Why? To live there?”

“No, it’s not like that,” MC says hurriedly. “He said it might help get some memories back if I go back there. A lot happened at Rika’s place, after all. And a lot of it is connected to Saeyoung.”

This time, Jaehee takes her time in responding. She lets out a deep sigh, focuses on driving and looking at the road ahead of them while her grip on the steering wheel loosens ever so slightly. “Oh. Well… it does sound like a good idea. Are you going alone? Do you want me to go with you, or someone else?”

MC shakes her head. “I asked Saeran to go with me. I think… he might need it, too. For closure.”

“That makes sense, I suppose. Are you gonna be okay, though? Both of you?”

“I don’t know,” MC answers honestly. “But I do know we both need this. And it isn’t as if we can’t just leave if things get too heavy.”

They spend the rest of the short ride back to MC’s and Saeyoung’s house in relative silence. MC can tell Jaehee wants to say or ask something else, but she ultimately doesn’t. MC doesn’t have all the answers, but hopes she will soon. She’s nervous about going back to Rika’s apartment, of course, but she’s also determined to do this, because she just knows it’ll help to uncover her memories.

Jaehee parks her car down the street from Saeyoung’s house. MC’s legs feel sort of like uncooked pasta as she gets out, and the two begin walking up to the house. What’s she going to say? ‘Hi honey, I’m home’? That’s obviously not going to work considering how their previous meetings went. And even if MC _did_ live there before the accident, can she really just waltz in now like nothing’s changed since?

No. Saeyoung told her as much; she isn’t welcome back here. If she’s to listen to his words, she should turn back around, get into Jaehee’s car, and have Jaehee drive MC back to her place. But is she really going to just accept that after everything they’ve been through? Knowing what he’s really like, that he’s done this before? MC isn’t one to give up that easily… though she can’t deny the fact that she has a bad feeling about this.

As Saeran had said earlier, the gate’s Ai really does want a password in Latin now instead of Arabic. Jaehee sighs upon learning this, pinching the bridge of her nose with a frown.

“Yet another language I don’t know.”

MC shrugs helplessly. “They say it’s a dead language.”

“Well, that’s only logical, considering how old it is and how you only really encounter it in ancient writing. What do we do now? Do you think Saeran has a Latin dictionary lying around like he does an Arabic one?”

“He does?” But then she remembers. “… Oh. The gate once asked you to solve a simple maths puzzle in Arabic, didn’t it?”

Jaehee raises her eyebrows. “Yes, it did. Saeran was the one who solved it for us so we could come in.”

MC looks back at the gate, and hums. “Maybe we should call him… provided he’s gotten off work.”

“ _No need_ ,” they hear from the speaker above the door, and MC nearly jumps two metres up into the air with how it frightens her. But then she recognises the voice, and she suddenly finds it hard to breathe. “ _What is it?_ ”

“Saeyoung,” Jaehee calls. “Can you let us in?”

MC glances up at the security camera, wondering if he’s looking at the feed. If he’s looking at her like he used to when she lived at Rika’s apartment, making it sometimes feel like they actually made eye contact.

“ _Why are you here?_ ” he asks instead. His voice is lacking emotion; it sounds mechanical, like he’s just reading out loud from a script. He sounds… tired.

“MC lives here,” Jaehee states simply. “I brought her back home from the hospital.”

Saeyoung doesn’t immediately respond, and MC wonders if maybe he left the room or just cut the connection. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but she also knew there was no other option. Going to Jaehee’s would mean her accepting that Saeyoung’s pushing her away again, and it could also spell the end of their relationship. Going back to the house where she lived before the accident means she’s ready to fight for what she wants and what she used to have before her locked away memories kept it out of her reach.

“ _I told you both she’s living with you now_ ,” Saeyoung says. “ _I’m sending her stuff over within the next few days._ ”

“Are you really going to do this?”

“ _Do what, Jaehee?_ ”

Jaehee narrows her eyes, glaring at the security camera as if she’s looking directly at Saeyoung. “Shut her out like this. Shut us _all_ out. What did we do to you?”

Saeyoung _laughs_ , and it sends an uncomfortable chill down MC’s spine. “ _That’s exactly it; you didn’t have to do anything. I’m doing this to prevent more bad things happening to you because of me. You should be grateful_.”

“I already told you this wasn’t your fault,” MC says. “I told you to stop pushing me away like this just because you don’t want things to happen to me. That’s out of your control.”

“ _MC_ —“

“No,” she cuts him off. “You once told me that I’m safer with you than with anyone else. Doesn’t that still apply? What changed?”

“ _You got into an accident because of me, that’s what changed!_ ”

Jaehee instinctively takes a step forward to say something, but MC grabs her wrist and stops her. As thankful as MC is that Jaehee’s here with her right now, she has to do this on her own. If she can’t win back Saeyoung herself, who can? And even if anyone else could, would she deserve to get him back, then?

“Saeyoung… please give us another chance. I know you’re scared, and I don’t blame you. But I want to be with you, and I think… I think you want to be with me, too.”

He goes quiet again for quite some time, during which neither Jaehee or MC say a word. Someone walks by behind them, but thankfully doesn’t pay them any mind and just keeps walking. MC keeps going back and forth between thinking this is a bad idea, and thinking this is all she can do, there’s no turning back unless Saeyoung comes out to physically shove her off his doorstep.

“ _It doesn’t matter what I want, or what you want. Don’t you get it? People can’t always have what they want, that’s not how it works. This is for the best. Now please leave_.”

“Saeyoung—“

But then she hears him turn off the intercom. Jaehee looks at it as if it’s just offended them both.

“I can’t believe him. That he’d do this.”

MC turns around, unable to look at Saeyoung’s house. Now what’s she going to do? She can’t just go back to Rika’s apartment without his permission, even if she has the passcode to get inside. She doesn’t have her old apartment anymore, either, so what’s she going to do? Where’s she going to live? Why is he doing this again, when he knows how bad they’re both going to feel?

“MC, come live with me,” Jaehee continues, taking MC’s hand in hers. MC turns around again to face Jaehee.

“I can’t do that, I don’t want to impose and make things difficult for you.”

Jaehee waves her off dismissively. “MC, please don’t think you’d make it _difficult_ for me if you live with me. I’d like some company, actually. Really, it’s okay. And I’m sure this isn’t permanent—he’ll come around soon. I’ll make sure he does, even if I’ll have to get help from someone else from the gang.

MC wants to say something else, but she only manages to open her mouth without being able to form words. All she gets out are a few stutters before she gives up and closes her mouth again. Jaehee leads her back to the car, and after they’ve both gotten in, Jaehee drives them both to her apartment.

That night, she falls asleep in Jaehee’s arms, in her bed. The last thing she wants is to be left alone, despite her previous claims that she wouldn’t want to burden Jaehee like this. Of course she doesn’t, but MC also wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than Jaehee right now.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t know for how long she’s been asleep when Jaehee wakes her up, but she can’t tell it isn’t early morning. What day is it, even? MC has no idea. It could be Thursday, it could be Monday, or even the weekend—she wouldn’t have a clue.

“You should eat something,” Jaehee says. “I made you breakfast.”

At least it’s breakfast, and not dinner.

She eats, but she doesn’t taste anything. Shame, because it looks really tasty, and pretty, too. The only thing she notices is the slightly burning feeling as she’s chewing on the kimchi. It’s a good thing knowing that Jaehee’s got similar tastes to her own. It seems to be homemade kimchi, too, which amazes MC, because she knows just how long it takes to make.

“How are you feeling?”

She shrugs, and Jaehee frowns in concern.

“Your phone rang earlier… I didn’t want to pick up, since it isn’t my business. Do you want me to get your phone?”

“No.”

The last thing she wants right now is contact with anyone else. This is about as much as she can handle right now; she knows she’ll be sent over the edge if she even talks to Yoosung, or even Jumin. They all know, she’s sure, and she can’t even think about the looks on their faces that they’d have if they were to meet her right now.

MC finishes eating, and when Jaehee leaves with the tray to go back into the kitchen, MC lies down again and pulls the cover up over her ears. Jaehee’s bed is incredibly comfortable, and MC can tell it was pretty expensive. She’s sure she slept well, but MC still feels tired, as if she’s only slept for three or four hours.

Her heart definitely remembers more than her brain is allowing her to right now.

The next time she comes to, Jaehee’s back with more food, but this time, she knows it’s dinner. And this time, she feels a little better than she did when she’d woken up to eat breakfast. She still has no idea just what time or day it is, but maybe that isn’t relevant when she’s just lying in bed doing nothing but feeling sorry for herself.

“Jaehee,” she says as Jaehee’s putting their stuff back together on the tray. “Can I borrow your shower?”

Jaehee looks at her in surprise. “Yes, of course. I left a towel in there on the stool by the bath tub, and I also took the liberty of washing and drying your clothes you used at the hospital. So there’s new clothes you can use afterwards in my bottom drawer.”

That apparently opens the floodgates, because tears fall down MC’s cheeks, and when she tries wiping them away, they keep coming.

“MC? Is something wrong?”

She shakes her head. “No. It’s just… you’re doing so much for me, and I… I’m just being worthless right now. Feeling sorry for myself.”

“No, no—MC, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset; I would be, too. I’m sure I would handle it a lot worse. I want you to take time to heal, and allow yourself to _be_ sad, and sleep for as much as you want.”

“But the café—“

Jaehee laughs at that, taking MC’s hands in hers. “Is that the first thing you’re worrying about? Please don’t. We can afford to keep it closed for a day or two, it’s fine. And even if I’ll have to go to work by myself, that’s fine, too.”

Well, maybe it’s a good thing that they never expanded their business, then, because running a bigger place alone would be impossible, MC’s sure.

As always when MC tries to argue against Jaehee, she can’t win. Jaehee is the most stubborn person she knows after Saeyoung, but she knows if Jaehee wouldn’t have been working under Jumin for so long, she would’ve definitely trumped Saeyoung in stubbornness.

MC finally gives in, and allows Jaehee to just take care of her while she rests up and ‘lets herself be upset’. The knot in the pit of her stomach hasn’t disappeared since she last talked to Saeyoung outside their—or his?—house yesterday, but it feels like it’s been a week already. Will he ever come around? If so, how long’s that going to take? How long will that _feel_ like?

 

* * *

 

She finally returns to work three days after her breakdown. It feels good to be out of the house, to be back at work even though it sort of feels like it’s her very first time working there. It’s strange, she both remembers and _doesn’t_ remember working alongside Jaehee in a café they opened together following the RFA party MC didn’t attend in favour of going to Mint Eye’s headquarters. As soon as they’d come back, the first thing Jaehee asked of her after welcoming her and Saeyoung back was if MC wanted to open a café with her.

These memories are slowly unveiling themselves, and piecing themselves together, and it feels like MC’s puzzle is missing a lot less pieces. There’s a picture forming, slowly, and she’s just now beginning to see what it’s supposed to be when it’s finished. She knows she can’t feel satisfied and relieved yet since she’s still got a lot left to find out, but she can’t help but feel hopeful that things will work out.

After work, Saeran calls her when she and Jaehee are heading back to Jaehee’s apartment.

“ _I talked to Saeyoung_ ,” Saeran says, and MC stops walking. Jaehee does the same, and MC feels her friend’s concerned eyes on her.

“Okay. What did he say?”

“ _I asked him if it was okay that we go to Rika’s place. He says he’s fine with it, so… green light, I suppose. When do you want to go?_ ”


	8. shattered glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran and MC revisit Rika's apartment in search of memories, and of closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning** : A suicide attempt is mentioned in this chapter.

It’s a little strange to MC that Saeyoung would so easily agree to her and Saeran going to Rika’s apartment. Normally he’d probably talk about security and stuff… maybe he just doesn’t care about their security anymore? No… the threat from Mint Eye is long since gone, and the biggest threat to them had been a heavily drugged and ‘brainwashed’ Saeran who’s now more or less a completely different person. So maybe that’s why Saeyoung agreed so easily, because there _isn’t_ a risk involved in going there.

Even so, MC doesn’t ask. All she wanted was a green light to proceed with the plan Saeran had proposed, and now that they’ve got it, all they have to do is prepare themselves mentally and go.

Jumin, however, isn’t pleased when he finds out. At first, MC doesn’t understand his reason for inviting her out for lunch, but she recalls the one time he did not too long ago when they talked about V. She had a feeling that wasn’t the topic he’d want to bring up today, and once they did meet up and start talking, her suspicions were confirmed.

“While there may not be a direct threat to your lives, consider what the _emotional_ consequences could be. I know Saeran has gone through extensive therapy after what happened, and that it’s been a while, but I still don’t think he would be ready for it.”

MC looks out the window, shrugging. She supposes she’ll never get used to the very fancy restaurants he brings her to for what’s supposed to be a simple lunch before they both return to work. It’s nice to know that, now that they’re no longer in a boss-and-assistant kind of relationship, Jumin even takes Jaehee out on lunches like these every now and then. They had an awkward start to their new relationship, but over time, things have become more natural, and a lot better.

“Maybe you’re underestimating him. I think… Saeran’s a strong person. Considering everything he went through, and for him to come out of it like the person he is today… you can’t deny he’s got an incredible mental strength.”

Jumin hums, and in the corner of her eye, MC sees him still lightly frowning in concern. He may not always seem like it, but Jumin is deeply concerned with the safety and well-being of the members of the RFA, and of Saeran who’s now sort of a member though they technically aren’t active as an organisation anymore. He sends text messages and calls regularly to check up on them all, even though he’s mostly buried in work and shouldn’t have time for it.

“You’re right that I cannot deny it, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Thank you for the concern, Jumin, but… we both think it’ll be good for us. We’ll leave as soon as either of us start feeling like it’s too much. Okay?”

He sighs. “There’s really no convincing you, huh.”

MC smiles. “No, sorry.”

They decide to wait until the end of the week until going back to Rika’s apartment. In case something goes horribly wrong and there’s a huge emotional toll on either of them, MC can’t see herself going back to work like nothing happened the next day, and she wouldn’t want Saeran to do so, either. So Friday it is, and MC can’t really stop thinking about Rika’s apartment, and what they might possibly uncover while there. She’s glad she isn’t going alone; even though she used to live there all by herself, things are obviously very different now, and there’s a lot she doesn’t remember that might’ve affected her negatively.

She also wonders what her next step will be, once they’ve gone there. If she doesn’t have much success in remembering things when going this time, will she have to go back? If she _does_ manages to gather enough pieces to the puzzle, what else is she going to do to gather the rest? Writing things down chronologically only does so much—she’s got to have new material to put down in order to proceed.

**[Saeran: you ready? i’ll be outside the café in two minutes.]**

 

She’s just finished closing with Jaehee, and now MC’s heartrate picks up while reading Saeran’s text message. Maybe she’s making too big of a deal out of it, but she wouldn’t be the only one. This _is_ a big deal, this is the first time she’s going back in several years, and the same thing goes for Saeran who only went there once.

[ **MC: yeah. see u soon.]**

 

“Whew,” Jaehee sighs as she comes to join MC behind the counter again. “Hectic day, huh?”

“It really was. I’m glad this place’s still popular.”

Jaehee softly bumps MC in the side with her elbow. “We make a good team.”

MC smiles. “Yeah, we do.”

This coffee shop wouldn’t exist had it not been for Jaehee’s immense amount of courage, and her idea to open up this place to begin with. Of course, as a way to pay Jaehee back, MC had practiced making different kinds of coffee and coffee drinks, as well as baking pastries, so she can contribute with _something_.

It’s the best job she’s ever had; a job that never gets boring despite how it’s pretty much the same stuff happening over and over. The thing about it is that they get to meet and interact with people every day, feel like they’re doing something good, even if it’s just serving coffee and baked goods.

There’s a knock on the door, and MC looks up to see Saeran standing outside. He waves at them, and Jaehee offers to get up and let him in. Meanwhile, MC goes to the back to take off her apron and grab her stuff, and she also takes a deep breath to calm her nerves. It doesn’t sound like a big deal to go inside an apartment she used to live in, but it is.

“… and I felt so bad for him that I gave him one of our smaller toys for free on top of the one his mother could afford.”

“Saeran, that was so kind of you. I’m sure he was overjoyed.”

Saeran smiles a little, scratching his ear. He lifts a hand in a greeting gesture at MC when she comes to join them.

“Yeah, he was. I thought his mother was gonna cry right then and there, but she just took my hand and thanked me. It… it felt good, even if it wasn’t much.”

“I’m sure it meant a lot to the both of them,” MC says. “It sounds like you had a good day.”

“I did. Well, we both did—I think it’s been one of the better days in a while.”

MC thinks about Saeyoung, and her heart skips a beat. She wonders when she’ll get to talk to him again… _if_ she will. No, she has to stay positive. One day, they’ll find their way back to each other. It’s exactly like Saeyoung had said back when he’d first admitted his feelings, that it’s a matter of them finding their hearts.

The three leave the café, and Jaehee locks behind them. MC and Saeran follow Jaehee to the train station, and once she’s gone, it’s just the two of them left as they begin walking to Rika’s apartment building.

“Feeling okay?” Saeran asks.

MC shrugs. “I don’t know yet. It’s weird, I… don’t really feel anything in particular. I was nervous earlier, but now it’s gone. How about you?”

“I might be a little nervous,” he confesses. “But I still want to do this. I know it’ll be for the best.”

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

It’s a bit of a walk, but it gives them both time to think. So, naturally, neither of them say a whole lot during said walk to the apartment building. A series of thoughts play on repeat in MC’s mind, like a film of still photographs, some moments are like short snippets of video where she properly remembers what happened, what was said. Therapy has certainly paid off, and not to mention the immense help she’s gotten from Yoosung who regularly came and saw her at the hospital and showed her photos and videos on his phone of them all.

It’s all a jumbled mess at first, but she somehow manages to piece most of it together. She recalls their time at Mint Eye, some of the time after when she didn’t get to see Saeyoung for _days_. No phone calls, no messages, nothing. He’d been back at the house with his brother whom they’d helped escape from the hospital, and wanted to try on his own to help Saeran recover.

And finally, Saeyoung came back. Remembering this part reminds MC of having a set of keys and only one lock, and finally finding the key that opens up said lock.

 

* * *

 

Saeran and MC enter Rika’s apartment after MC enters the combination on the door. It’s still very much engrained in her finger memory, and it’s surprising considering how long it’s been since she last came here. She takes a deep breath before they walk inside.

A few beats of silence pass once MC’s turned on the light to properly reveal the apartment. All they do is stand right there at the entrance, and stare. It’s strange, because as much as MC had anticipated to feel, she doesn’t. There’s a lot less there than she would’ve wanted. And surprisingly enough, she feels good about it.

“This place looks so… impersonal,” she finally says. “Rika lived like this?”

Saeran shrugs. “Didn’t know her that way; she always acted like her days with the RFA were a fat, fabricated mess that V came up with, and I was never in the right mind to ask her about it. Of course.” Saeran laughs bitterly before he goes silent for a few seconds, surveying the room. “This just feels like one of those apartments you move into and then make your own place. But… didn’t she live here for a while?”

“She did. Years, I think.”

MC wonders if Rika simply didn’t care about making the place into her own, or if she didn’t spend as much time there as V made them think. She already knows there’s a lot he kept from them, and many things he also straight up lied about, so this could very well be one of those things. It’s strange; MC did live there for a while, but the décor of the apartment wasn’t exactly one of the first things she thought about.

Saeran is the first one to actually start walking around the apartment, but it doesn’t take MC that long to do the same. Now that there’s no one around to restrict their movements, it feels a little safer to do whatever they want, like opening drawers and cabinets. MC remembers the contents of the drawer she and Saeyoung had opened, how it had started a chain reaction that eventually led to Saeyoung completely losing his trust in V, and resenting Rika with every fibre of his being.

“MC?”

“Yes?”

MC turns around to find Saeran standing by one of the windows. He touches it with his fingertips, as if he’s checking to see if it’s going to break by him merely touching it.

“Did Saeyoung say these were bulletproof?”

“He did, and V did, too.”

Saeran snorts, and walks away from the window to join MC by the desk. “Those windows are _not_ bulletproof. You do know Rika _wanted_ me to come steal the guest information, right? I just remembered this, when I saw the windows. One of which I broke, to get in here once.”

It doesn’t really come as a surprise because the information is new to her, but because she just hasn’t thought of it that way before. Just goes to show how well they managed to trick her, and not to mention the rest of the RFA. MC knows she’s lucky to have made it out alive. Saeran probably wouldn’t have been the one to do her in, but Rika may have sent one of her brainwashed followers to do the job if MC had already started realising things back then.

Because if there was one thing they made clear to MC, it was that if she wasn’t needed anymore, they’d get rid of her.

“Jesus,” she laughs, shaking her head. “I’m lucky to be alive.”

“You know… coming here was a lot easier than I thought. Thank you.”

MC raises her eyebrows. “Thank me? For what?”

“Being here. I don’t know how easy it would’ve been dealing with it all on my own. I would’ve probably thought of things a whole lot differently.”

“No, thank _you_ ,” she insists. “For suggesting this. You were right; we both needed this.”

Put in perspective, the fact that Saeran and MC spend the end of the afternoon and a good part of the evening in Rika’s apartment talking while having takeout may seem humorous. But it works wonders; it helps MC come to terms with a lot of things, get used to the fact that she was part of an organisation heavy with dark secrets, and with the help of Saeran, connect a lot of her loose memories.

In turn, Saeran feels a lot more at ease, too. He leaves most of it in his past, and MC notices him _forgive_ himself. It was never his fault that he ended up with Mint Eye. It was never his fault that things ended up the way they did, because someone else was always pulling the strings. He’s spent half a lifetime blaming himself for things that were out of his control, but with this visit to Rika’s place, MC thinks it might stop now.

“I… I don’t know if Saeyoung ever told you,” Saeran says, almost hesitantly. “But during the time he and I spent in his— _your_ apartment after you helped me escape from the hospital, I almost killed myself.”

MC’s eyes widen as she looks at Saeran with both surprise and horror painted all over her face. “You did?”

He seems ashamed to admit it, as he breaks eye contact to look down at his hands, and his shoulders rise and sink as he takes a deep breath. “I wreaked havoc in the house, and broke a lot of things. I realised a lot later that he forgot to clean it because he was so scatterbrained because of me; up until then I'd found it really stupid and odd of him to _not_ clean up broken glass on the floor. Instead of cleaning up, he'd went out to get us food. So when he left, I took one of the shards from a glass I’d shattered and tried slitting my wrists.”

She can’t help but recoil at his words, at the fact that he doesn’t sugar-coat things. In a strange way, she sort of appreciates that he doesn’t. Saeran tried to kill himself; there’s no denying it at this point, and no use in trying to make it sound like something it isn’t. MC may have heard a lot about their struggles after she and Saeyoung had helped Saeran get out of the hospital, but she also knows she hasn’t even heard half of it.

It should probably sound odd to her that Saeyoung didn't first think to clean up the broken glass on the floor. But put in a situation where his heavily drugged and long since brainwashed brother is wreaking havoc in his house, MC can't blame him for his actions. Blame him for instead deciding that feeding Saeran was more important than cleaning his house, even if Saeran had caused it, and it had been about shattered glass.

“I wanted to be free,” he continues with a sigh. “I’d spent my entire life in pain, suffering, doing things I didn’t want to do, being in places I’d rather avoid. So I thought... the only way out was if I died. And when Saeyoung stopped me, I thought… I thought I’d have to get rid of him first. I knew that as long as he lived, I wouldn’t be allowed to die.”

MC recalls the strange red marks she’d seen on Saeyoung’s neck when he returned briefly to update her on the situation. She'd asked him about them, but all he said was that it wasn’t anything serious, and that it was ‘over and done with now’. She never knew they were caused by Saeran trying to kill his own twin in an attempt to free himself from this world. Kill his brother, so he could die himself.

“But I… I realised that I couldn’t kill him. I’m guessing it’s our bond, as twins. We feel whenever something’s wrong with the other, we sometimes know what the other is thinking. I hated him as much as I loved him, and maybe that’s why I didn’t do it. And I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad he saved my life… twice.”

She can tell it’s difficult for him to talk about, but the fact that he chose to talk about it himself must mean he’s come to terms with what happened, and that he’s willing to leave it in the past. It’s probably also a lot easier talking to someone like MC about this, because she isn’t directly involved like Saeyoung is.

“I’m glad he did, too,” she says, and Saeran offers her a little smile before he looks out the window.

“I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, and it might just be me still being a little biased, but… V wasn’t a bad person.”

MC lets Saeran’s words hang in the air for a bit. She’s never had the right to state an opinion on V since she never truly knew him, and the only thing she has as a reference on what kind of a person he was, is whatever the other RFA members think of him. And that really doesn’t make it easier, when there’s people like Jumin who has sworn a lifelong loyalty to V, and Saeyoung, who threw his loyalty in a paper shredder.

“Okay,” she chooses to say instead.

“I mean, he was… nice. When Rika wasn’t around, he took care of me. Asked me if I was okay, sat and talked with me when he probably noticed I felt lonely. It’s taken a while to dig these memories back out, but I’m glad I do remember this now. I don’t want a one-sided view of him, because as bad as many of his decisions were, I most definitely wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him.”

Saeran is probably telling the truth, MC thinks. She’s often gotten the impression that V was way too deeply in love with Rika, and that it made him develop tunnel-vision that prevented him from seeing the whole picture. It’s scary, really, what love can do to some people.

“I didn’t know V,” MC begins slowly, “so I don’t know what to think. All I know is that I think he could’ve done better in regards to you two. I don’t know how bad it was, but it seems to me like it wouldn’t have been all _that_ impossible for him to just… do whatever he felt was right.”

Saeran shrugs. “I’m guessing he thought following his heart was the best decision. And we all know what that means. All I’m saying is that I don’t resent him… maybe a little, but in the end, I’m still grateful to him. It’s strange.”

“I don’t think it is. He was the father figure you didn’t have while growing up.”

“I suppose so. So, what I’m saying is that I… think I wanna visit his grave. Feels like a natural next, probably last, step in this whole closure thing.”

MC looks at Saeran, and the look he gives her in return is full of determination, but it still remains soft, almost humble. She’ll never quite understand Saeran’s opinion of V, but that doesn’t mean she can’t respect it.

“Then I think you should go. Do you want me to go with you?”

Saeran smiles a little. “That’d be nice. I’m sure I could go with Jumin, but… I feel like our views and general understanding of V might be very different. So it could be a little weird.”

“I understand. Well, I’d love to go with you.”

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

It’s quiet, peaceful, strangely enough makes her _think_ of V. That’s the vibe he gave off whenever she talked to him, even if it’d just been in a messenger app. But the way he wrote, the way he spoke, was very different from anyone else she’s ever met. The pictures she’d seen of him only strengthened this image of V that MC had. He was mysterious, seemed graceful, almost, and he seemed like a very kind man.

His final resting place is decorated with a very modest headstone with minimal text engraved. There are flowers there, too—MC assumes Jumin comes here often, still. She thinks of the time she’d met him for lunch, and he’d wanted to talk to her about V because no one else would’ve wanted to. And maybe because Jumin felt like she was the only one he _could_ talk to about V, or Jihyun, as his real name was.

Saeran kneels before the grave, puts his hands together, and closes his eyes. It’s apparent that whatever he’s saying to V, he’s saying in his mind, maybe his heart. It isn’t something meant for others to hear; it’s just for V, and no one else. So MC respects Saeran’s privacy, and stands off to the side while she’s waiting.

It’s been a long journey to get here, she realises. All of them have experienced a lot; suffered, laughed, cried out of happiness or sadness, screamed in sheer anger. In the end, it all led them here. They’ve suffered losses along the way, but they know that they can’t stop, and they can’t go back. All that’s left to do is to move forward, for the sake of those they’ve lost, and for themselves.

To this day, no one knows just where Rika is. Zen and Yoosung sent her to a rehabilitation centre in Alaska, but since they apparently move around regularly, it isn't certain they'd be able to find Rika even if they tried. And honestly, MC doesn't want them to go looking for her. She understands that Yoosung may want to since it's his cousin, and she understands that, but at the same time, she feels like there isn't anything they can really do even if they do find Rika. She knows that both Jaehee and Saeran share her opinion, and Saeyoung probably does, too.

When Saeran gets back up, MC places down her own bouquet of flowers next to Jumin’s, before bowing, and then the two of them walk away. They don’t say anything on the way back, but they don’t need to. They’ve done what they could and needed to, in order to move on, and now all that’s left to do is to keep walking.


	9. jigsaw falling into place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC tries her best to live her life as normally as she can while still living at Jaehee's, and she has a very interesting conversation with Yoosung.

Things slowly go back to normal, or as close to normal as it could get. There’s still a big piece missing in MC’s puzzle, but she hopes that patience will get it back to her, because that’s all she has now. She can’t be persistent, because that’ll keep pushing him away from her. She can’t be outright demanding, because that’ll make things even worse. Patience is the only thing that won’t drive him away, because she’s already staying away from him as much as she can. And that isn’t difficult considering the fact that she doesn’t go near his house or the toy shop.

Saeran, however, visits the café often. Sometimes with Yoosung, sometimes he comes alone. MC has learnt his favourite coffee drinks and pastries, and often teasingly asks him if he’s come for ‘the usual’. Mostly he’ll say that isn’t why he’s there, but he still ends up ordering something from his list of favourites. She leaves the coffee to Jaehee for the most part, and takes on the task of baking instead. It’s fun, interesting, and keeps her mind off things.

When Saeyoung has the last box of MC’s belongings delivered to Jaehee’s apartment, MC wants to cry, but she doesn’t. She instead takes the box, barely remembering to thank the delivery guy before almost slamming the door in his face, and then she carries it into Jaehee’s bedroom. She doesn’t unpack it immediately, nor does she do it in the next couple of days. Jaehee doesn’t say anything about the box, either.

Zen has a show in the middle of August that Jaehee and MC, of course, have front row seats for. He has one of the main roles, and as always enthrals both MC and Jaehee with his superb acting and singing. Often times, it feels like he isn’t _acting_ , it feels like he’s talking straight from the heart, re-enacting situations from his past or from dreams that stayed dreams and never became reality.

After the show, the two stay and chat with him backstage for a bit before they leave, and MC has to almost directly head to her weekly therapy session. She doesn’t have many of them left, according to Ms Yoon, since things still keep coming to her every now and then, now even more frequently than they had a few weeks back.

“See you tomorrow, then,” Jaehee says. “And good luck.”

“Thank you.”

Ms Yoon is, understandably, a little worried when MC tells her about the visit she and Saeran made to Rika’s apartment. Things had gone well, though MC hadn’t recovered as many memories as she may have wanted. Even so, she’s happy, because things are now coming back to her faster than it did before. The little notebook Ms Yoon had given her during one of their first session is over half full with notes, scribbled timelines and personal thoughts MC has written down either during one of these sessions, or whenever something’s come to mind.

It’s fascinating to go back and skim through her old notes, MC finds. In the beginning, she’d had next to nothing tied to Saeyoung and their lives together, and all she had written down in regards to him were things she remembered from when he came to Rika’s apartment. She also didn’t write ‘Saeyoung’ until a few pages later, which is probably when she found out from Zen what his real name is.

But now, MC remembers him. She remembers him as Seven who welcomed her to the RFA, who made her laugh and smile, and made her feel less lonely and scared living in a stranger’s apartment. She remembers him as Luciel, the mysterious hacker working nonstop and having more secrets than she has hairs on her head. But MC also remembers Saeyoung; the warm, loving, loyal and generous man she fell in love with, who loved her back, and would still make her laugh on days she didn’t feel all that great.

She remembers him, and she misses him.

It doesn’t help to call, she knows it. But she still finds herself with an index finger hovering over the call button next to his name in her phone every so often, and sometimes she also writes text messages to him that she ends up saving in her drafts. Just in case.

_How are you?_

_I miss you._

_Do you not love me anymore?_

_Please let me back into your life, Saeyoung_.

There are so many messages by this point that it takes a little while to scroll down the list to the first one she wrote and never sent. She wonders why she’s saving them if they’re never gonna be read by him, anyway. There’s no point in keeping them unless she’s planning on sending them, but the thing is, she keeps telling herself that someday, _someday_ , she’ll send him these messages.

 

* * *

 

It isn’t often MC returns to Jaehee’s apartment alone after work, but this rainy Thursday, she does. Jaehee’s spending her evening over at Jumin’s penthouse for rarity's sake, so MC has to fend for herself back at the apartment. Which she doesn’t mind, of course, but it still does feel a little weird to do as she pleases when she’s alone in an apartment that isn’t hers. It doesn’t matter that she’s lived at Jaehee’s place for quite some time now, there are just some things she can’t get used to.

She’s taken care of the few bills she’s convinced Jaehee to let her pay monthly, and after cleaning up a bit around the place, MC makes herself dinner. She makes enough for them to be able to bring lunch to work tomorrow, as well, and puts the leftovers in tupperware before heading out into the living room to eat in front of the TV.

There isn’t really anything on TV that catches her attention, so after she’s finished eating, MC turns it off, and heads out to do the dishes. Most of the time, she doesn’t mind being alone, but today she feels _lonely_. It doesn’t help that she’s in Jaehee’s apartment; even if she’s lived there for a while and Jaehee’s long since insisted on MC making herself at home, it won’t ever quite _be_ home to her. MC found a home elsewhere, and she’s still hoping she’ll be allowed to come back there soon.

When boredom gets too much to deal with, MC decides on going out for a walk. It isn’t dark out yet, and soon enough it won’t be bright out around this time, so she figures she should take advantage of it while she can. Besides, it’s been a while since she just went for a walk... her last walk might even have been at the hospital, and then she’d still had to be careful. She still does, to some degree, but it’s a lot different now that she’s gotten discharged.

The air is still about lukewarm when MC makes it outside and walks into town. There are a few people out and about; some walking their dogs, some taking a walk like herself, some sitting in the park enjoying the last remnants of summer. She stops a bit away from the park when a particularly curious dog walks up to her, and she bends down to pet it. The owner is kind, talkative, and they stand there talking about dogs for a little bit. It’s a little strange, but nice.

“I’m sorry for taking up your time,” she says after a while. “And thank you for letting me pet your dog.”

The woman smiles, shaking her head. “No, it’s my pleasure. And Jin’s, of course.”

They part ways, and when MC turns around to walk back to Jaehee’s apartment, she stops right in her tracks, eyes widening in surprise.

“… hey,” Saeyoung says hesitantly. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

MC swallows hard, clenching a fist by her side. Of course, that line should've been hers as much as it had been his. “I was about to leave, anyway.”

“Yeah, I… see that. How are you?”

 _And then he won’t let me leave_. MC doesn’t know just what to feel, what to think. Why is he making conversation now, after not too long ago wanting nothing to do with her? What’s the point of this? It’ll just get her hopes up, maybe that’s what he wants? Is he really that kind of person? No, she doesn’t remember him as such.

“Doing okay,” she says, half-honestly. It’s better to keep it short, she reasons. “You?”

“Same here.”

“Glad to hear that.”

How long has it been since she’d been able to just walk up to him, hug him, kiss him like it wasn’t a big deal? Weeks? Months? It feels like it’s been _years_ , almost, like everything changed between them to the point where they can’t go back to the way things used to be if they tried to.

And it scares her. Because that means her chances of reuniting with Saeyoung are close to zero now. Now that so many things seem to have changed, now that so much time has passed.

There are so many things MC wants to know. How is he _really_ doing? Does he still have feelings for her, has he moved on, _who is he nowadays_? But she knows she can’t ask, because he won’t have answers to her questions. And she wonders if she really wants to know the answers to some of the questions she has, just how she’ll react. What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, so maybe it’s better that she doesn’t bring it up.

Saeyoung awkwardly scratches the back of his head, and he clears his throat. “I don’t wanna keep you here if you’ve got somewhere to be.”

Should she lie and say that she does? Suddenly MC finds herself analysing just about everything he’s said up until now and what he just said. What’s the best course of action in order to get through to him without sounding desperate? Does she want to keep him there, or should she just go? Should she be selfish, or just do what he wants?

MC decides to let him go, because no matter how hard she tries, she’ll never be able to keep him there if that isn’t where he wants to be.

“Actually, I do,” she lies through her teeth, ignoring the little painful twinge in her chest. “Jaehee doesn’t have any keys, so I should be there when she gets back.”

“Oh. Okay,” Saeyoung replies. He almost sounds disappointed. “I’ll, uh… see ya.”

“Yeah,” she says, even though she doesn’t want to go, and her entire body is yelling at her that she’s an idiot. Saeyoung nods dumbly, and makes an _uh-huh_ sound before MC nods back, and starts walking back to Jaehee’s. Her chest aches, and she barely manages to not grimace in pain and with sorrow, as she leaves Saeyoung behind.

This is what he wanted, so why did he suddenly look like he _didn’t_?

MC comes back to Jaehee’s apartment and feels like she’s run a marathon. She completely disregards taking a shower, and barely has the energy to brush her teeth before heading straight to bed. It doesn’t take her long to fall asleep, but she does wake up again when Jaehee comes back home. A wave of relief washes over her as she hears the door softly close out in the hallway.

“MC?” she hears Jaehee whisper loudly, and she can’t help but smile a little to herself.

“In here,” she whispers back.

She listens to Jaehee’s uneven, stumbly footsteps, and her smile widens. Jaehee’s really sensitive to alcohol, and it doesn’t take a lot for her to feel the effects of it. And when drinking wine with someone like Jumin, she’s bound to have gotten pretty drunk, as he’s ridiculously generous, and likes his wine, to put it lightly. MC’s been in that situation a few times before, and she isn’t that much better at holding her alcohol than Jaehee is.

After quite some time, Jaehee crawls in under the duvet. MC notices she’s actually taken a quick shower, because she smells shampoo on Jaehee as she scoots closer to MC.

“How was your evening?” she asks. Jaehee sighs.

“It was good. Okay. Well, more than okay. I… had too much to drink.”

MC laughs a little. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“It’s just… it doesn’t _stop_ , you know? Whenever my glass is almost empty, he refills it. I try to drink really slowly because of this, but when he starts talking about cats, I just _have_ to drink. He's like a walking… I don't know, one of those 'bottomless wine' deals you get at restaurants sometimes. You know what I mean?”

“I do,” MC replies, still laughing, now more so at what Jaehee just compared her former boss to. “But it sounds like you still enjoyed the evening?”

“Yeah, I did. It still hits me sometimes that I used to work for him a few years ago. He’s come quite a long way since then, obviously both in the company, but… _mentally_ , too. He’s grown up, I guess.”

MC hums. “He has. I guess that just goes to show anyone can change. If he can, anyone can.”

Now it’s Jaehee’s turn to laugh, and she hiccups in the middle of it, too, which MC finds oddly endearing. “Yeah. So how was _your_ evening?”

Images of Saeyoung pop up in MC’s head, and she involuntarily flinches, which Jaehee is quick to notice.

“What is it?”

“I… well, I met Saeyoung by the park.”

“What?! Why were you in the park?”

“I took a walk,” MC says. “I didn’t expect him to be there.”

She’s got her back turned to Jaehee, but by the way Jaehee hugs her middle, MC can feel her friend’s concern. She can almost see the worried frown on Jaehee’s face, too. It feels very reassuring to have someone like Jaehee in her life, someone who’s stable, someone who can always point her towards the right path and be there for her when she needs it. Now is definitely one of those moments.

“What… what happened?”

“We talked. Well, it was very short, but… we talked. And then I left. We didn’t talk about anything important, so I figured it was best to just cut things short. I couldn’t stay there, anyway.”

Jaehee moves up a bit, and places her chin on MC’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I guess so. Better now that you’re here.”

“I’m always here, you know that. Even if I’m not… _physically_ here, you can always call, or text.”

“I know. Thank you, Jaehee. And of course, likewise.”

Jaehee giggles, and scoots back down to lie on her side of the bed. “I just feel like… you’re the sister I never had. And siblings are supposed to have each other’s backs.”

MC couldn’t have said it better herself; she often feels like Jaehee is like a sister to her, because they’ve become so close over the years and know next to everything about each other at this point. And since neither of them have siblings, it’s nice that they managed to find a sister in the other woman.

 

* * *

 

Once in a blue moon, the café is visited by none other than Jumin Han. Yoosung, Zen and Saeran visit pretty regularly, and before the accident Saeyoung did, too. But it’s very rare to see Jumin show himself around their café, so Jaehee’s and MC’s surprised expressions as he walks in are probably very much warranted.

“Am I that unwelcome here?” he asks jokingly as he walks up to the counter. A woman sitting at one of the tables excitedly whispers very indiscreetly to her friend as soon as Jumin walks in, and MC hears Jaehee snort at the whole ordeal.

“No, no,” MC says. “Hi, Jumin. What can I get you?”

“A double espresso to go, thank you.”

She raises her eyebrows slightly. “Tough day?”

“You could say that. I had a meeting with my father which lasted way longer than it should have, and now I have a headache. So I took a walk, and ended up here.”

Jaehee returns from having been out to clean a table. “That’s quite a walk.”

“Well, it gave me some time to calm down.”

MC makes Jumin his double espresso, and Jaehee returns to tending to the café. As should’ve probably been expected, he pays way too much for his coffee, and tells them to keep the change. Jaehee makes a comment about how it isn’t a restaurant and they aren’t waitresses, but Jumin waves them off, tells them to have a good day, and then he leaves.

“He’s always been a strange man,” Jaehee says as she watches Jumin leave, “but he’s got a good side, too. Weird, but good.”

“It certainly takes time to get used to.”

It frustrates MC that she can’t quite seem to stop thinking about her meeting with Saeyoung by the park the other day. It isn’t a constant thing, but it comes back to her every once in a while, and mostly at very inconvenient times, too. If he’s managed to move on, why can’t she? He probably doesn’t think about their meeting at all, probably just sees it as an accident, like stumbling or tripping over something. Nothing you normally think about every now and then.

On one hand, she knows this could very well just be part of his plan to get her to fall out of love with him since he claims to be ‘dangerous’. He used to have the same philosophy and way of going about things for _years_ , so she can’t really blame him if he’s still got the same kind of mindset now, after the accident that was caused by him not paying attention to the road.

But on the other hand, MC wonders if maybe he _did_ really stop loving her, and that he wants her to stop loving him, too. Maybe this accident made him realise that he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, and that they aren’t meant to be together, after all. Jaehee would tell her that the latter case would be ridiculous if true, and MC knows Jumin, Zen and Yoosung would agree, too. Saeran? She has no idea. He knows his twin brother better than anyone, but MC wonders if she really wants Saeran’s opinion on this, just in case it’d be something she doesn’t want to hear.

She wants to keep loving Saeyoung. She wants him to come back to her, she wants to be able to move back home. There’s no way everything they had, everything they’d built up over those years, would just be gone after something like this. For what reason? MC wonders just how many times she can think about this, how far she can overthink it until it becomes absolutely absurd, and nothing makes sense anymore.

Sometimes, when MC visits a café with someone other than Jaehee, she feels like she’s cheating not only on Jaehee, but on their own café, as well. It’s a strange feeling she doesn’t get very often, but today she does as she walks inside one of her old favourite places together with Yoosung.

“I still think about the chocolate milk incident from a few years ago sometimes when I drink coffee,” Yoosung mutters just as they sit down. “I can’t believe it still affects me to this day.”

MC laughs. “Oh, I remember that. I’m sorry for still thinking it was hilarious.”

Yoosung attempts to glare at her, but then even he laughs. “No, it’s fine. I guess I’ve gotten to the point now where I’m able to laugh at it as well. But wow, I was really gullible back then. Saeyoung could’ve told me the Earth was flat, and I’d believe him.”

“Well, you _did_ believe him when he said you had an incurable disease because you drink coffee.”

He groans. “Why didn’t I think it was weird that he didn’t nag Jaehee about it?! I mean, her veins are practically pumping out coffee, and that’s the way it’s been ever since way before those days.”

MC rolls her eyes. “Probably since around the time she started working for Jumin?”

“Sounds about right.”

They order when the waitress comes over, and soon enough they’re both nursing a cup of coffee between their hands. It’s definitely getting cooler out, and soon enough it’ll be cold to the point where they’ll have to wear thicker clothing again. That’s something MC is _definitely_ not looking forward to, as she doesn’t do well with cold temperatures.

“So how are you? I feel like I rarely see you these days.”

Yoosung smiles apologetically. “Swamped with work, and that’s probably why. I feel bad, because Saeran has to eat dinner alone most of the time. We’re gonna get a new vet into the office soon, though, so my days are gonna get shorter. I can’t wait.”

“I bet,” MC smiles.

Thinking back to the way Yoosung was when she’d first joined the RFA, it’s amazing to see just how much he’s changed. Back then he didn’t know just why he was studying at college, he spent most of his time playing online games, and generally wasted away his life. But then he hit a turning point, and finally started getting his life back on track. Now, he’s got an impressive degree and is the head veterinarian at his clinic. MC finds it inspiring, thinking about the journey he’s made.

“How are _you_?” Yoosung asks back. “How’s living with Jaehee?”

“It’s… well, it’s great, of course, and I’m so grateful to her for letting me stay for so long. But living there just reminds me of _why_ I live there, and where I’m really supposed to be.”

Yoosung frowns a little, and chews hesitantly on his lower lip. “I… I’ve actually gotten in contact with Saeyoung. Finally. He’s been avoiding us all like the plague since it happened, but I walked into the toy shop the other day to visit... well, them, and we got talking a bit.”

MC’s heart skips a beat. Not only did she meet Saeyoung the other day in the park, but Yoosung’s seen him, too. She wonders if he’s started making it easier on them to find him, to get in touch with him. Because she knows that if he didn’t want to be found, he could’ve easily made it so that they _couldn’t_ find him. Why else is he still working at the toy shop, where they could all very easily waltz in and see him?

Not that MC’s done that, of course, but she _knows_ she isn’t welcome there.

“Huh,” she says, and they’re both surprised by her reaction. Yoosung raises his eyebrows, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

“It just feels so weird, you know? I mean we used to be friends, hang out and stuff. Sure, he blew up on me that one time a few years ago, but he apologised and things went back to normal. It was all because of you that we became friends again.”

MC sighs, stirring her coffee despite it being plain black. “And now it’s because of me that he’s like this.”

“No, no! MC, that’s not it,” Yoosung hurriedly says, grabbing her hand across the table for emphasis. “You’re not to blame for any of this. Okay? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“It sure _feels_ like I have.”

“But you haven’t. I know it might be hard to believe considering how he’s been treating you, but... I need you to trust me on this one. Okay?”

She really wants to believe her friends, but it’s difficult when the man she loves is telling her something completely different with the way he’s behaving. It sort of reminds her of how insults stick better than compliments do; she wants to tell herself that it’s part of human nature to think this way, but it might just be her.

But MC decides to try. She knows Yoosung wouldn’t ever dream of wanting to hurt her, and even though it’s difficult to believe considering what else she’s heard and experienced, she tries. And that seems to at least _somewhat_ satisfy her friend.

“So, MC… I wanted to ask you something. I guess I wanted to ask for some advice.”

She looks up from her now half empty coffee mug, and raises her eyebrows slightly in curiosity. “Yes?”

“I… well… don’t tell anyone else, okay? It’s a little embarrassing.”

Yoosung _looks_ embarrassed; there’s a shade of pink slowly starting to bloom in his cheeks, and MC thinks the tips of his ears might be reddening, as well. Whatever it is, it’s clearly not easy to talk about, and MC finds herself strangely honoured Yoosung would turn to her of all people with his problems.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

He looks relieved as she says that. “Thank you. Well, I… there’s someone I like. A lot. And I’ve been trying to let them know, without outright saying anything. Doing things for them, you know—just hinting at it. I think I’ve still been pretty obvious, but they just won’t get it.”

MC hums in thought. She finds it curious how he won’t disclose the gender of his crush, and wonders what the reason for that might be. She’s always seen him as probably the straightest guy she’s ever met, which is why this, in reality very tiny, detail is a little strange. But maybe she's just overthinking things.

“Well, I think you might have to straight up tell them you like them. They might be slow, and… well, maybe they don’t understand that what you’re doing is out of more than just a friendly nature.”

Yoosung groans, and hides his now very red face in his hands. “I’m scared of telling them. What if I scare them off because they don’t feel the same way at all?”

“Well, you won’t know unless you ask, or tell,” MC says, shrugging. “I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but… that’s sadly how it is. Either you take a risk and try to find out, or you spend the rest of however long you have a crush on that person not knowing whether or not they like you back.”

It almost feels like they’re back in high school again, with the conversation they’re having. Yoosung isn’t that much younger than MC is, but he definitely feels and acts like he is. But she knows he doesn’t have much romantic experience, so that might be why they’re having a discussion at this ‘maturity level’. She can’t deny that she finds it cute, though.

“It’s too big of a risk,” Yoosung says. “I mean… ah, fine! Please don’t… well, never mind. It’s Saeran. I really like him.”

MC literally drops her jaw, and slowly sets her mug back onto the table. Yoosung looks like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and he isn’t making eye contact with her anymore because he’s so embarrassed. But then MC smiles, and a giggle escapes her, which makes Yoosung actually look at her again, this time with a surprised expression.

“What?”

“Oh my _god_ , Yoosung,” she gushes. “That’s… so cute. You know, I think you should tell him.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?!”

MC waves him off dismissively, still smiling. “Listen, I think he likes you, too. And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better—I really think he does.”

Yoosung seems to perk up at that, as he leans closer to MC across the table, his embarrassment now mostly gone. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve spent quite some time with him, and… he talks about you sometimes.”

It finally makes sense to her why Saeran would sometimes very casually just bring Yoosung up in a conversation they were having. It was such a smooth and subtle change that it didn’t occur to her, but now that Yoosung’s opened her eyes to this possibility, it all makes sense. Saeran never talked about anything that would make it glaringly obvious either, it was mostly just mundane things like Yoosung forgetting to turn on the washing machine, or Saeran pointing something out that MC would either agree or disagree with.

MC wouldn't call herself slow by any means, but when it comes to Yoosung and Saeran, she really has been. They've both been giving her all these hints for quite some time now without meaning to, and only now that Yoosung's telling it to her directly does it all come together.

“He… he does?”

“Yes. And now that I think about it, it’s been the other way around, too. Wow, I feel so honoured to have witnessed this thing grow from a tiny little seed into a sapling.”

Yoosung snorts, and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. So… you think I should tell him?”

“Yes, Yoosung. Please. I’m sure he hasn’t said anything because… well, you know how Saeran is. He isn’t as verbal as you are, or even me.”

“I guess you’re right,” he concedes, and then he smiles down at the table. “There’s… definitely something about those twins, huh.”

MC’s heart swells a little at that. “Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

“ _Hello! You have reached Saeyoung. Well, my phone, at least. I’m not here right now, but I can call you back if you leave a message._ ”

She knows it’s no use calling him, because the same thing happens over and over. But there’s a tiny, naïve part of her that says ‘maybe one day he’ll actually pick up’. That day has yet to come, but MC’s hope that it eventually will is slowly diminishing with each time she’s sent to Saeyoung’s voicemail.

So MC hangs up with a sigh, and instead goes back out of the living room into the bathroom where Jaehee’s waiting. Today they’re dyeing each other’s hair since their roots have started coming in after the summer; with the season now over, they’ve both figured it’s about time to revert to their pre-summer hair colours.

Jaehee’s up first, so MC puts on the gloves that came with the dye, and then she gets to work. Thankfully, Jaehee’s hair isn’t as long as hers, and it’s thinner, too, so it doesn’t take very long. MC really dislikes the strong smell of chemicals, but Jaehee seems to not mind them, strangely enough.

“Do you ever miss your short hair?” she asks as she’s combing through Jaehee’s hair to make sure the dye sets evenly.

Jaehee hums. “Sometimes. I don’t ever want to go back to that length, or if you can even _call_ it that, but sometimes I think of having it just to the point where it touches my shoulders.”

“I’ve actually been thinking about the same thing,” MC replies. “I don’t think I’d ever have the courage, though, seeing as I’ve had long hair for such a long time.”

“I think it could definitely suit you, especially with the bangs. But yes, if you feel like you’d regret it, then I don’t think you should do it.”

The thing is, the more MC’s thought about it, the less she thinks she’ll actually regret cutting her hair short. Since she’s had long hair for as long as she can remember, she’s just gotten used to having it that way. And she knows it’d be tough for the first little bit getting used to it, but in the end, MC thinks it could look better on her, and it’d be a lot easier to handle.

When Jaehee’s hair is all done and put up in a bun, they switch places, which MC is grateful for since she doesn’t have to smell the dye as strongly when Jaehee starts working on her hair. They keep the bathroom door open, as well as any adjacent windows so that they won’t pass out, and so that the apartment doesn’t smell like hair dye for several days.

Just over half an hour later, they’ve both washed and blow-dried their newly dyed hair, and after their talk, MC feels more and more like cutting her hair. She’s very curious to see what it’d look like, but mostly what it’d _feel_ like, not having all that hair in the way most of the time. It’s strange; Jaehee’s still working on growing her hair out, and MC’s considering cutting hers short.

“I hope I’m not influencing you into making a decision you might regret,” Jaehee says, and MC smiles, shaking her head.

“No, I’m actually glad we talked about it, because you’re making me more and more sure of the fact that I want to do it. I mean, I’ve thought about it before, but never had the courage. I guess you’re my courage, then.”

She takes the big step the next day when she walks into town and enters a hair salon where she requests cutting her hair to her shoulders. The woman MC talks to gasps, asking if she really wants to get rid of ‘all that long, beautiful hair’. But she hasn’t been this sure of anything in quite a while, so she insists that she does, and then she gets seated.

It’s a little nerve-wracking watching herself in the mirror, and watching the hairdresser slowly begin to cut her hair. She almost wants to close her eyes as the scissors close in around her hair, but she doesn’t, in the end. It’s strangely fascinating to see it fall to the ground and become a part of her past.

MC’s hairdresser is a fairly talkative, young woman who asks her a lot of questions and talks about a variety of things while working on creating MC’s new haircut. She constantly asks to make sure that MC is okay with whatever she’s doing, which is nice and reassuring, but MC keeps telling her the same thing. This is what she wants to do.

She gets so engaged in their conversation that she doesn’t even notice when the hairdresser finishes up, but when the woman tells her that she’s done, MC feels like the air rushes out of her lungs, and her eyes widen at what she sees in the mirror. Jaehee was right; it _does_ look good on her.

“Wow,” she says, unable to find anything else to say in a state of speechlessness.

“Do you like it?”

MC nods, almost fervently. “Yes, I love it. Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed.”

A change. Something new in her life when everything feels the same, like it’s standing still. It might not sound like a lot to other people, but to MC, cutting her hair from waist-length to her shoulders is a big deal, a big change.

She’s excited to hear and see Jaehee’s reaction, so she walks back to the apartment as fast as she can without jogging. Jaehee had offered earlier to come with her and hold her hand, but MC had just laughed and said she’s old enough to go on her own now.

“Jaehee, I’m back,” she calls as she walks in through the door. “Be prepared for a surprise.”

“MC…”

The voice she hears from the living room makes MC’s heart drop down into her stomach, and she stops in her tracks. As she’s standing there unable to move, Saeyoung emerges from the living room. The moment he sees her, his eyes widen with shock, and her first thought is that she wants to run right back out again.

But then he speaks, and her thoughts fly out the window.

“Wow. You… you look beautiful.”


	10. the long road home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things slowly go back to normal.

It feels like time is standing still. She doesn’t know if he heard him right, if what Saeyoung’s first words really were ‘wow, you look beautiful’. Is that really the first thing he wants to say when he’s made the effort of coming all the way over to Jaehee’s? Why is he here, even? So many questions explode in MC’s head at the same time, but what comes out of her mouth is somehow none of those, and it doesn’t even have to do with him.

“Where’s Jaehee?”

Even Saeyoung seems a bit surprised that she doesn’t ask anything related to him, but the surprised expression on his face is brief. “She went out for a bit… I’m guessing to give us privacy.”

“What do we need privacy for?” MC hears herself asking, but she quickly decides it was a good thing to ask.

“I… I wanted to talk to you. About a lot of things, really, but I mainly wanted to apologise.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Okay.”

“So, I’m sorry. I did the same thing I did all those years ago, I pushed you away when all I wanted was to have you right by my side. Where you belong.”

She wants to run straight into his arms. Forgive him in an instant, tell him it’s okay and that they should just leave this behind them. But she knows that she can’t do that, she can’t give him the impression that she’d forgive him so easily for doing this to her _again_. For treating her like the bad person when all along she never did anything wrong.

“I appreciate you coming here to tell me this,” she says. “But why now?” _What do you expect to get out of this?_

Saeyoung shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and briefly looks down at the floor before he looks back up again, right at her. The determination in his eyes is most definitely not fake, she can tell, and it makes her heart ache. It seems someone _did_ a lot of thinking, after all.

“Because I took in everything you’ve all been telling me all this time. I didn’t even realise I was doing the exact same thing I did when you still lived at Rika’s apartment—all I knew was that I thought I had to keep you away from me so that you wouldn’t get hurt again. But I… I know that there’s no other place I want you to be than by my side, because that’s the only way I can keep you safe.”

MC wonders just whose words eventually got through to him, but she guesses Saeran has a big part in it, and probably Yoosung, too. She knows Jumin’s probably chewed Saeyoung out once or twice over the course of these past few weeks, too, but she feels like Yoosung’s or Saeran’s words would have more effect on him in a personal way. Jumin is good at convincing and commanding people, but he’s still got some left to learn when it comes to appealing to people in a personal way.

“I never wanted to leave your side,” she says, and hates that her voice has suddenly grown quieter. “I tried to get in touch with you, I tried getting through to you.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I… I really screwed up, MC. And I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, apologising to you, proving to you that I’ve changed my ways, and that I love you.”

She takes a shuddery breath, and closes her eyes to prevent tears from falling, letting them just burn behind her eyelids instead. “How do I know you won’t do this again if something happens?”

“You… well, I guess you don’t. I’m asking for your trust again, MC. Trust that I won’t do it again, and let me prove to you that I won’t. They say you can’t teach an old dog any tricks, but I think I’ve finally learnt this one.”

MC wants to smile at that, but she can’t. They’ve grown so distant over these past few weeks that she almost feels like they’re right back where they were when Saeyoung first came over to Rika’s apartment to fix the security system that Saeran had broken into. The thing is, things _are_ different from then, because they’ve got a lot of history between them now that they didn’t before, not to mention memories that MC has only just recently started regaining.

It’s a matter of choosing whether or not to jump into the unknown, asking herself if she’s willing to take the risk involved in doing so. Things like rebuilding trust takes time, and time is something she doesn’t know if she has with him considering the nature of his ways. No, those are the ways of Luciel, of Seven. The Saeyoung she’s gotten to know and love is honest, keeps his promises, doesn’t forget, and is the most generous person she’s ever met.

She wonders just who is standing in front of her right now. Is it Luciel who keeps secrets, is it Seven who keeps a mask on and constantly jokes to hide the true nature of his personality, or is it the Saeyoung she’s lived with for years and loved for so long?

MC decides to take a step forward. It’s a tentative step, but a step forward altogether. One becomes two, become enough steps to get close to him again. Saeyoung doesn’t move, stands right there in front of her when she approaches, and stops. MC’s heart is beating hard against her ribcage, and she swallows hard as she slowly takes his hand.

Life is, partly, about taking risks, seeing where they take you and where you end up. It vaguely reminds her of Saeyoung’s previous profession, how he’d so often had to take risks that could result in him losing his life. The risk she’s decided to take isn’t nearly as scary, but that doesn’t mean it _isn’t_ scary. It’s a little scary, she has to admit, but she knows, like he does, that they should be together. That this is where they belong.

Saeyoung softly grasps her hand. “Come back home? I miss you.”

“Yes,” she nods, now smiling, and she lets her tears fall. “I’ll come back home.”

 

* * *

 

 

It feels weird to wake up in her own bed again. She hasn’t slept there since the night before the car accident, and that was several months ago. So much has happened since then that it almost feels like she’s in a completely new place.

But it isn’t new. It’s familiar, and it feels like home. Saeyoung’s still sleeping soundly next to her, and when she turns to face him, see that he’s really there, she breathes a quiet sigh of relief. They still have a lot left to talk about, and they need to rebuild their mutual trust, but they’ve at least taken the important first step. There’s obviously a chance they could take a step back or two, but that’s part of life. All MC can do, all _they_ can do, is stay determined that they’ll make it through this together.

Saeyoung stirs in his sleep, and frowns. Slowly, he opens his eyes, squinting, and he looks at MC.

“Hey,” he says. “Been up long?”

MC smiles. “No; a few minutes, maybe. Good morning.”

“Morning. I missed this.”

He reaches a hand up to cup her cheek, and MC closes her eyes, leans into his touch.

“Me too,” she replies.

It feels a little awkward, she has to admit. But MC knows that probably comes with them not having been like this for quite some time now, for two people who are supposed to be in love, and in a relationship. But she knows that they still are, and while they were separated for a while, they’re back together now. And she wants nothing more than for them to go back to the way things used to be.

“What gave you the courage to do this? Or who?” Saeyoung asks, and he moves his hand to MC’s hair.

“Jaehee,” she answers simply. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but she eventually convinced me that I needed to do it. Not intentionally, of course, but… I’m glad.”

Saeyoung smiles a little. “Yeah, me too. It suits you. Must be nice, too.”

“It is.”

They take their time that morning. Lie in bed, talk about everything and nothing, finally get up to make breakfast together, and then for rarity’s sake decide to take a walk. It’s something MC realises she wants to do with Saeyoung a lot from now on; while it may not sound like anything special, it is to her. Especially now that they’re finding their way back to each other after what feels like an eternity, and MC’s been wanting to just _be_ with him for so long.

“So, uh... how’d it go at the apartment?” Saeyoung asks. They’ve stopped down by the pier to just stand and look out over the ocean, enjoying the view. It’s a nice day despite a little bit chilly, but at least they’re dressed well.

“It went better than we both thought,” MC replies. “I guess… I was a little scared, going into it. I didn’t really know what to expect. But having Saeran there really helped, and I think we both got what we went there for.”

“I see.” MC hears the relief in Saeyoung’s voice, and she feels her heart skip a beat at that. “Then I’m glad. I know… I probably didn’t seem like it at the time, but I worried sick. For the both of you. Not because of security reasons, but because I didn’t know how you would react to having memories of that place coming back to you, or how Saeran would feel coming back to that place and being reminded of his time with Mint Eye.”

MC had worried about Saeran, too, wondering just how he’d feel going back there. He _had_ been the one to suggest going to Rika’s apartment in the first place, but she has a feeling he wanted to go there more for her sake, and not for his own. He’d even suggested her going with someone else considering how things had gone when they met while MC still lived in the apartment, but upon MC insisting that she wanted to take Saeran with her, he’d accepted.

“He definitely got what he came there for,” MC says with certainty. “We… we actually went to visit V’s grave a few days after that, because Saeran wanted to close that chapter in his life.”

She knows V is still a sore topic for Saeyoung, and up until recently, the same thing went for Saeran. She doesn’t know if Saeyoung will ever let himself move on from what happened like Saeran eventually did, but she does hope that they can one day talk about this properly.

“Oh… okay.” Saeyoung laughs a little. “He’s a lot more mature than I am. Not to mention stronger.”

MC takes his hand, and shakes her head. “Don’t think like that. It’s not a contest.”

He sighs. “Guess you’re right. Maybe I’ll get there, too, someday.”

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

No matter how many years have passed, Jumin’s stubbornness is one thing that doesn’t change with time. He’s hosting his own birthday dinner at the penthouse, but has forbidden his guests from bringing gifts unless it’s a ‘good brand of wine’ and from one of the few countries he’s approved of.

“He’s basically picking his own gift, even though he told us _not_ to bring anything. The same dick as he’s always been.”

MC rolls her eyes with a little scoff. “Come on, it’s his birthday. You can afford to humour him this once, and then you won’t have to do it for an entire year.”

“Still too often,” Zen mutters next to her as they’re walking up the road towards Jumin’s building. “Though I guess I should be grateful he at least got that cat out of the house for the day.”

“And it’s his birthday,” Yoosung pipes in. “Of all days he’d want Elizabeth around, I think today is at the top of that list. So yes, you should probably be grateful.”

Zen sighs. “Yeah, yeah.”

MC had been a little nervous about Saeyoung and Zen hanging out for a couple of hours, but she heard from Jaehee that they’ve apparently talked things over… at least for the most part. And since they seem to be on good terms now, MC assumes things are at least okay. Saeyoung had told her earlier that he didn’t want to dwell on the past, and that might be one of the reasons they’re able to hang out like this today. Out of the two, Saeyoung is more likely to hold a grudge, and since Zen didn’t have a reason to hold one in the first place, the issue seems to have been more easily solved than MC had originally thought.

All she really wants is for them all to be able to hang out like they used to, and while she knows it’ll take a little while for things to _completely_ go back to normal, at least they’re better off now than they were a few months ago.

As expected, Jumin’s personal chefs are responsible for their three-course dinner, but the quality of the food they’re served just never ceases to amaze MC. And after all these years, she still feels bad about having Jumin’s chefs work so hard to serve them, to serve _her_ , but she knows there’s no use in saying that now when she’s probably nagged Jumin to death over it already. There are just some things she’ll never quite get used to, but she’ll, somehow, have to learn to live with that, especially when being friends with someone like Jumin.

“Now you really _are_ a wizard,” Saeyoung says with a menacing giggle. “Wow, we’re getting old.”

Jumin scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I might be thirty now, but I never said I would turn thirty while still being a virgin.”

Saeyoung gasps dramatically, and shares a shocked expression with Zen. “No. Who?!”

“That is none of your business. Thankfully, it is also information you will not be able to find by hacking my phones or computers. Also, you are not old yet, Saeyoung. You are five years younger than me, and I don’t even consider _myself_ old yet.”

“You should,” Zen mutters.

“Well, I don’t worry about my age as much as you do, Zen. I have better things to do.”

It’s a very nice evening spent talking in the group, catching up on things and sharing old stories. With everything that’s been going on these past few months, MC feels like they really need this. _She_ does, absolutely, but the group as a whole seemed a bit split up after the accident, probably with how Saeyoung had distanced himself from everyone and consequently ended up creating some tension among everyone.

MC doesn’t blame him, however. She doesn’t know just how she’d react if she’d been in his shoes, but she knows she wouldn’t handle it emotionally half as well as he did, and both Yoosung and Saeran could attest to Saeyoung definitely not handling things well.

She thinks about her conversation with Yoosung the other day, and glances over to where they’re sitting. Something definitely seems to have changed between the two, and MC hopes it isn’t just her imagination because she _has_ talked to Yoosung about his, seemingly reciprocated, feelings for Saeran. She’s felt like it wasn’t her place to ask for a follow-up from Yoosung even if he _did_ come to her first, but she can’t deny that she’s curious.

“Things seem to go well between you and Saeyoung,” Jaehee says next to MC, breaking her out of her reverie. She blinks, and looks at Jaehee.

“Yeah, we’re making good progress.”

Jaehee smiles. “I… actually talked to him before he came over. He contacted me, saying he wanted to come over and talk to you. So, naturally, we had a pretty long conversation about it.”

MC raises her eyebrows. “You did? Wait, you talked to him just before he came to the apartment?”

“Yes. I wanted to see that he really _had_ changed, so I didn’t lead you into something that might not have worked out in the end. You saw how he became as soon as you accidentally called him ‘Luciel’… I couldn’t risk having my best friend, my _sister_ , getting hurt again.”

“Jaehee…”

MC feels like her heart swells to five times its size, and tears form in the corners of her eyes as she leans on Jaehee’s shoulder. Jaehee in turn puts a hand on her head, and MC can almost see her smiling.

She’d seen hints of Jaehee’s ‘overprotectiveness’ early on, but back then it had been about Zen. Jaehee deeply cares about the few people she chooses to surround herself with, and even though joining the RFA hadn’t been her own choice, she had willingly let the members in close, and eventually, that had also included MC. She wonders just what her life would’ve looked like right now had she _not_ become this close with Jaehee, if a life with Saeyoung would’ve even been possible at that point. Both of them have become incredibly important in MC’s life, as well as the others, but perhaps on a very different level.

“You’re the best sister anyone could have,” MC continues. “I mean that.”

“Likewise.”

“Hey, don’t steal my woman,” Saeyoung jokingly chides as he comes towards them.

“And you called _me_ yandere!”

Saeyoung laughs. “You don’t even know what yandere _is_ , Yoosung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and the next chapter will be the final one!


	11. something money can't buy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is approaching, and the RFA gather for some good news to wrap up their year.

There isn’t a single trace of it left, as if it was never inked onto Saeran’s shoulder to begin with. Now, his Mint Eye tattoo is a mere memory, and MC can see how happy he is about that fact. It’s taken him quite a while and a handful of laser sessions, but Saeran has finally gotten rid of his tattoo as yet another step in leaving that part of his life behind him.

“Proud of you,” MC hears Yoosung mumble to Saeran while taking his hand, and she feels like she really shouldn’t be there right now. But, they _had_ been the ones to invite her over, so leaving would probably be rude. And she figures she can let them have this—they’ve spent far too much time denying themselves the happiness they’re currently experiencing together, and all MC really wants is for her friends and loved ones to be happy.

“Thanks,” Saeran replies, and his warm, genuine smile makes it difficult for MC to hold back one of her own.

They look happy together. MC is really glad the two of them talked things out and decided to turn their friendship into something else, something more. She knows Yoosung had been scared of telling Saeran about his feelings just in case things wouldn’t work out, but MC knew, as soon as Yoosung started talking about it with her, that their feelings were mutual. And it’s obvious now, being with them both, that they’ve felt like this for quite some time.

Saeran clears his throat, and turns to face MC. “You said you had something to ask us before you came over, MC?”

She blinks in confusion, but then recalls what she’d texted Saeran earlier. “Ah, right! Saeyoung and I decided we wanted to hold a Christmas party at our house, and we wanted to ask if you two would join us.”

Yoosung raises a questioning eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t we? Don’t we always spend Christmas together?”

“Yeah, but…”

“She’s probably thinking about whether or not you and I would wanna spend it alone. Since... you know.”

MC giggles at Saeran’s surprising honesty, and Yoosung blushes at it. “Well, we’d love it if you came. Jaehee, Hyun, and Jumin are all coming, too.”

Saeran nods, still smiling. “Wouldn’t be a proper party otherwise.”

“The entire family gathered at Christmas!” Yoosung beams, and Saeran looks down at his feet on the floor.

“You’re right.”

There are some things that will take a little time getting used to, for all of them. Some good, some bad, but MC would honestly say that it’s mostly good. And it feels like it’s been a while since she could say that with a clear conscience. Some of the members of the RFA have had to take a longer journey to get to where they are today, to get to a place where they can honestly say they’re happy, and even though the journey certainly changed them, the destination is what matters in the end.

Saeran has to get used to not having his tattoo as a constant reminder of his past, which really isn’t a bad thing at all. MC and Saeyoung have to get used to their old but new life together, and while they still have some things to sort out before things _completely_ return to normal, MC is optimistic about their future. Jaehee will, unfortunately, have to get used to living alone again, but it isn’t as if they’re _completely_ separated. It’s strange, but MC thinks this whole ordeal might just have brought them even closer.

October passes, and they slowly move into November. There isn’t a lot left of the year, but MC feels like she’s gotten enough good things out of the year to be able to leave it behind with a smile. There have been a few hiccups, sure, but that’s how life works. MC knew from the beginning of joining the RFA that her everyday life would never be the same as it was before, but she knows she’ll never regret joining the organisation that essentially gave her the best friends she’s ever had, she has a ‘sister’ thanks to the RFA, and she even found love.

“I can’t believe my brother’s all grown up.”

MC laughs, shaking her head. “You’re twins.”

“Yes, but I’m the _older_ twin,” Saeyoung points out. “Details like these are important, MC. Pass me the garlic?”

“Fine.” She hands over the garlic to Saeyoung, and the two continue cooking. Once silence has settled between them again, Saeyoung begins humming like he usually does when he cooks, and MC smiles to herself.

Life is slowly but surely going back to normal for them. All of MC’s belongings are back in the house, and it’s almost as if she never left in the first place. Things are a little different between them, too, but MC had almost expected that. Things will never go back to being exactly the same as they were before, and that’s probably good. Maybe things can get _better_ now, even.

“I was thinking about this a while back, but… we’ve never really talked about it, or at least not in a long time.”

Saeyoung turns to face MC, propping his chin up on a hand in bed. “What is it?”

MC fidgets with the duvet a little, tempted to look away, but she doesn’t. “Well… you like kids, right?”

“Of course I do,” Saeyoung smiles. “Or I wouldn’t be working where I am right now. Why are you asking all of a sudden?”

“I’m just asking. I mean… would you want to have kids of your own?”

She thinks about the one time they’d actually talked about having a family, and that was when MC still lived at Rika’s apartment, before they’d gone to Mint Eye to rescue Saeran. Saeyoung had said that it didn’t feel right for him to start a new family with MC when he hadn’t even gotten his already existing family back together. Now that Saeran has been back in Saeyoung’s life for a few years, MC wonders if Saeyoung’s opinion has changed.

“Yeah,” Saeyoung replies, now smiling wider than before. “I’d love to. Wouldn’t you?”

It makes her feel relieved, and she mirrors his smile as he takes her hand, kissing her knuckles. “I would, too.”

Saeyoung lies back down again, and pulls MC closer to himself so she can rest her head on his chest. She often falls asleep like this, listening to his steady heartbeat, with the knowledge that he’s here with her again, and that he won’t leave again.

“What would you prefer, a son or a daughter?”

MC laughs a little. “I don’t think I have a preference. I would love our child no matter what.”

Saeyoung releases a slow exhale. “’Our child’. I like the sound of that.”

“Me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s been a while since we did this. Thank you for taking me.”

Jumin rolls his eyes. “MC, you’re as polite as ever. It’s my pleasure, of course. And you are not the only one whom I take out on occasional lunches.”

MC smiles. Jaehee’s been getting the same treatment every now and then as of about a year ago, and while it still baffles Jaehee, MC’s glad they get along now, considering their past as an executive director and his chief assistant. Jumin may have had a natural apprehension towards women because of his father, but even that has changed over the years. To be fair, Jumin’s only female friends are MC and Jaehee, but he apparently treats the women at C&R better now than he used to.

“I know, I know. It’s still courteous to thank someone for paying for your food.”

“I guess you’re right about that.” Jumin quickly eyes the menu in his hands. “Do you want to split a bottle, or maybe just a small carafe?”

MC shakes her head. “I think I’m just going to have water. It _is_ lunch, after all.”

“As you wish. I have had a rough morning packed with meetings, so I will treat myself to one glass.”

She laughs at that, and Jumin smiles.

The two talk about what’s been going on recently, or rather—Jumin’s the one mostly asking MC about her life, and how things are going now that she lives with Saeyoung again. As always, and much like Jaehee, he wants to make sure MC isn’t unhappy; she knows he’d definitely step in and do something if she wasn’t.

Jumin has also, finally, swallowed his pride and hired a new chief assistant. It’s a man this time, but Jumin seems pleased with him so far, and maybe that’s all that counts. It’s a little funny for MC to think about the fact that Yoosung could’ve very well been that chief assistant right now, if he hadn’t declined Jumin’s offer years ago, and continued studying towards his degree in medicine.

“It seems the other twin has finally found happiness as well,” Jumin says after a while. “They seem happy together.”

MC nods. “They do. I’m glad for them.”

“I’m honestly very surprised, though. I had not seen the signs at all… Yoosung and Saeran ending up together was not even on my list of possibilities.”

… however, Jumin is still as dense as ever in many ways. Some things will just never change. MC laughs, and Jumin gives her a confused look before he shrugs, and they finish their meal.

The colder it gets outside, the longer people tend to stay at the café, so some days, Jaehee and MC have a lot of customers around practically all day. It’s nice, though, because it both boosts their sales, and it’s also nice to know they’re still going strong, showing no signs of struggling financially anytime soon.

Since it’s Monday, MC and Jaehee receive orders early that morning, not too long before they open for the day. While MC re-stocks and organises their storage room, Jaehee opens the café, and their day at work officially begins. They did a lot of their baking the previous afternoon, so now there isn’t a lot to prepare in the morning before customers start coming in, other than the coffee- and tea related items.

“I know we’ve still got a few weeks to go until Christmas, but I’ve got to admit I’m already excited.”

“I am, too,” MC replies. “It’s always so nice when we can all spend the holidays together, considering the fact that we rarely do meet as a group these days.”

Jaehee hums. “You’re right. Honestly, I’m just glad we aren’t spending it at Jumin’s penthouse again—no offence to him, of course.”

MC can’t help but laugh. “I felt so bad for Hyun. It’s a good thing Saeyoung and I haven’t gotten a cat, then, because we _have_ talked about it a couple of times before.”

“Oh no,” Jaehee says and shivers. “If you do decide to get a cat, please wait until after Christmas, at least.”

“Of course we will; I do want Hyun to join us, after all.”

She thinks about Jumin’s birthday, and how that evening had been the first instance Hyun and Saeyoung had spent time around the other since the accident. They didn’t interact a whole lot, which is why MC’s a little worried about how things will go on Christmas. Saeyoung _had_ said it was okay to invite Hyun, though, so she figures he’s at least trying to move past that. Hyun, of course, has wanted to do so for quite some time now, but since the ball is on Saeyoung’s side of the playing field, there isn’t much Hyun can do.

Slowly but surely, the town is being decorated for Christmas. Before they got together, Saeyoung didn’t like Christmas and avoided it like the plague, but in recent years, he’s become very passionate about it in terms of decorating. His rule, however, is that they don’t start putting up Christmas decorations before December rolls around, but MC only thinks that’s a good thing, because it means they won’t get tired of it before Christmas has had a chance to arrive.

The everyday lives of the RFA members continue as usual. The twins occasionally drop by the coffee shop during their breaks, and their other friends pop in to say hello at times, too. MC feels more optimistic about life than she has in a long time, and she knows it’s all thanks to everything somewhat going back to the way it used to be. Now that everything’s settled properly, everyone’s been able to go back to doing their own things, relationships have healed, and life goes on.

After a particularly busy Friday at work, MC comes back home exhausted with an aching back and pulsating feet. She slowly trudges inside the house, calling for her boyfriend who apparently isn’t at home yet. It isn’t unusual; she does tend to be home before him most days. Some days she just wishes he’d be home before her, so he could welcome her home, for a change.

There’s something she needs to tell Saeyoung, that she’s been both worrying and been excited about for a little while now. Not even Jaehee knows, because MC feels like this is something Saeyoung should find out before anyone else. And maybe she’ll tell him tonight… provided she doesn’t just pass out from exhaustion as soon as she sits down.

Something’s a _little_ different when MC’s about to walk into the living room. There’s a note very obviously taped to the door, and it’s written with Saeyoung’s very scribbly, barely legible, handwriting, which is accompanied by cute little doodles of various figures and animals. Once she’s taken it off the door, she notices there’s another note behind the first one, and she raises her eyebrows in curiosity.

‘ _Welcome home, honey! I’ve prepared a little game for you. If you complete it successfully, my already maxed out love for you will continue to grow exponentially! Will you play my game?_ ’

Well, she _is_ tired, but somehow that cute note gives her the energy to read the second, which gives her instructions on how to play Saeyoung’s ‘game’. He tells her to go into the kitchen, where she finds a large bouquet of red roses in a pretty, light blue glass vase on their kitchen table. Smiling to herself, she reads the note attached to the flowers.

‘ _I was looking to get you daisies so that this would fit better, but roses are romantic, so I went with those. Just imagine these to be daisies for this one thing, okay? I would like to call this a bouquet of ‘whoopsie-daisies’. Now, before you laugh (because I know it’s clever), they represent the mistakes I made in the past regarding you, and they represent how many times I will make it up to you for them. Now, continue into the bathroom!_ ’

MC feels like her heart swells to twice its size as she reads the note, still smiling widely to herself. Why is he doing this? Not that she minds, but she can’t think of an occasion that would warrant him to pull such an elaborate setup. It isn’t yet Christmas, and her birthday isn’t until late January, so she has no idea what this is all for.

But she does as Saeyoung tells her to, and goes to the bathroom where she finds a note that tells her to continue upstairs into the bedroom. Her heart beats a little faster as she walks up the stairs, expecting Saeyoung to be waiting for her in the bedroom, but when she opens the door, she finds that she’s still all alone in the house. What she finds on her nightstand, however, is _not_ Meowy as she usually would, but a little doll that’s made to look like Saeyoung. It has a little note on its stomach saying ‘press me’, so as she’s picked it up in her hands, that’s what she does. When she hears Saeyoung’s voice, she flinches in surprise.

‘ _Hello, MC! Cute, isn’t it? I made the doll at work, and finished it at home with the little robot things that go with it. It’s got a few functions I’ll show you later, but for now, this is just the demo version. Now, my lady, would you go down into the backyard? Not much left to go, promise!_ ’

She assumes Saeyoung’s put the robot cat somewhere else as he replaced it with the doll, but for now, that’s the last thing on her mind as she heads out the bedroom again towards what is, supposedly, her last stop, which is the backyard. They don’t go out there once summer’s over, so it feels a little strange to open the door and walk outside. But on one of their lawn chairs, there’s yet another one of Saeyoung’s notes, and MC can’t help but laugh as she shakes her head, and picks it up.

‘ _Okay, this is really, really, your last stop. Come see me in the living room. I needed to take you around the house so I could sneak in without you noticing me._ ’

“What?” she asks herself in disbelief. Saeyoung _was_ at home all this time? He _is_ good at sneaking, having been a secret agent for so long, but sometimes she tends to forget about the things he picked up from being in the field. He may love pulling pranks on Yoosung, but it isn’t often that he sneaks around and scares people.

… MC just really hopes he won’t try and scare her.

She leaves the backyard, closing the door behind her, and cautiously heads towards the living room. The door’s still open from when she’d left, but she sees a strange light flickering from inside that she definitely hadn’t left on. As she walks in, she sees several candles lit around the living room, and amidst all of it, she finds the love of her life.

“Hey,” he says, smiling as MC walks up to him. “Welcome home.”

“What’s all this?” MC asks, standing on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. He grins.

“Well, it’s been a while since I did something like this for you, and I’m in a good mood.”

MC looks around her, finding more roses scattered about, and can’t seem to find the right words to say. It almost feels like it’s Valentine’s Day, but that isn’t until almost three months from right then. She still has no idea what prompted him to do this all of a sudden, but it feels like she’ll find out now that she’s finally found him, after having been led on a wild-goose chase around the house.

Saeyoung releases a slow breath, his shoulders sinking. He brushes a strand of hair away from MC’s cheek with a finger, and while still smiling, he gets down on one knee. And MC feels like this is the time she’ll pass out, when he opens the black little box in his hands, and presents her with the most beautiful ring MC has ever seen that almost knocks the air out of her lungs.

“I feel like I should’ve done this a long time ago. I fell for you so fast, so hard, that it scared me. I normally don’t believe in clichés, but it really feels like it was love at first sight for me. When you first walked inside Rika’s apartment all those years ago, and I saw you on the security feed, my first thought was that you were beautiful. I didn’t tell V, because he would’ve told me to first and foremost be suspicious, since you were a stranger to us, you knew the combination to the lock on Rika’s door, and you just walked in without us having been notified beforehand.”

It makes her heart jump when Saeyoung mentions Rika’s apartment, but since he’s speaking in past tense, she slowly starts feeling relieved instead. It’s all behind them now, and something they can take out only the positive parts from, and cherish as good memories. MC feels her legs trembling, and she knows she’s on the verge of tears. Saeyoung looks the most handsome and happy she’s ever seen him, and she feels like she’s falling in love all over again.

“But I knew you weren’t dangerous. Of course, I was proven to be right very soon, and then you joined the RFA. And I… I fell for you. Really hard. I knew I didn’t deserve to have you, to have relationships like that, as a secret agent and a hacker. So I tried pushing you away, even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to protect you, and I wanted you to be mine. So, naturally, after I finally gave in and listened to you, and we became one, I quit my job.

“It felt like the right thing to do, and you told me it was, as well. I have never been so glad about a decision I’ve made in my entire life, and it was such a relief to have you support my decision, too. That job brought me straight to hell; a place where I wasn’t able to see my twin brother, and a place that prevented me from attaining happiness in life. But you gave me all of those things back. You helped me rescue Saeran, you helped me not lose hope when he was still in rehab.

“So now… now that I’ve gotten my family back, and I’ve gotten the happiness I used to think I would never have, I want to take things one step further with you in life.” Saeyoung swallows, and MC notices his eyes are teary much like her own. “ _Nae sarang_ … will you marry me?”

MC nods quickly, almost fervently, and she laughs as her tears finally fall. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you, Saeyoung.”

He gets up from the floor, and swoops her into an embrace. MC feels like she’s almost floating, like this is a dream, and she doesn’t quite dare pinching herself just in case she won’t feel it, and she’ll soon wake up to realise this didn’t happen.

But when Saeyoung releases her again, when he presents her with the ring decorated with a sapphire in the centre, surrounded by tiny little diamonds, she knows this isn’t a dream. She wants to ask just how he knew she’d absolutely love this ring, how he even knew her size, but it’s probably useless. Of _course_ he knows.

“Do you remember the time I gathered everyone here with the intent to propose to you?” Saeyoung asks as the two sit down on the couch.

There’s no way she could forget that gathering; they still have the photo they took that time framed and hung up on the wall in this very living room they’re in. It’s a photo that holds so many memories, something that has become one of their most important, irreplaceable possessions.

“Of course I do.”

Saeyoung laughs a little awkwardly. “I can’t believe we all got so side-tracked after taking the group photo… after that, I just felt so embarrassed that I didn’t dare bringing it up again. Just in case… maybe you’d changed your mind, maybe we needed more time. This is one of those mistakes represented by those roses, or I guess ‘whoopsie-daisies’. I wish I hadn’t waited so long.”

MC shakes her head, and hugs Saeyoung again briefly. “Don’t apologise. Life just got in the way for us, and that’s nobody’s fault. Actually, I find the timing a little funny, if anything. It’s fine, really, Saeyoung. I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am right now.”

He smiles widely as they pull apart. “Really? Good… because I am, too. So, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest… and out of my pocket,” Saeyoung smiles, “you look like you wanted to talk about something, too. Ever since you walked in here. Or am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not wrong. I do have something I want to tell you.”

MC feels like she’s been waiting several months to tell him, when in reality it’s just been a matter of days, if even that. She takes a deep breath, and it makes Saeyoung frown at her in a mix of concern of confusion.

“… Is it bad? Is this something I need to sit down for?”

MC laughs. “Saeyoung, we’re already sitting down.”

“I know, but, you know—mentally.”

Still smiling, she takes his hands in hers, and she can’t help but quickly glance down at the ring now adorning her left ring finger. Not too long ago, she hadn’t been sure whether or not Saeyoung would be happy to find out considering his previous stance from a couple of years earlier. But now, she’s sure it’ll be welcome news, and she’s been impatiently waiting for the right moment to tell him.

“It’s not bad, I promise,” she says, but to her it sounds more like she’s whispering.

Her heart’s pounding against her ribcage; she’s excited but also can’t help but be nervous about his reaction, even though she knows he’ll probably be overjoyed. Even so, there’s that tiny part of her that tells her she, for some reason, should be nervous.

“We’re… I’m pregnant. We’re gonna have a baby.”

A very long second of silence passes after MC’s delivered the news, and Saeyoung just stares at her with a slightly open mouth in shock.

“Wait. No kidding? You… you’re pregnant?!”

Now MC’s sure she’s grinning from ear to ear. “Yes. We’re gonna be parents.”

“Oh my god.” Saeyoung lets go of MC’s hands only to pull her into his embrace, and he’s laughing. “That's why you asked the other day! Oh my god, MC. I can’t believe it! I’m so happy. It’s not a dream, right? Not a joke?”

“No,” MC replies, laughing. “We’re definitely having a baby.”

 

* * *

 

Christmas morning, Saeyoung wakes MC up with breakfast in bed. When she tries to protest, he tells her he partly did it with the excuse that he also gets to eat in bed, and that he wants to cook for her more often. Of course, when he puts it that way, there’s no way she can keep arguing.

Considering how he was when they first met, eating Honey Budda Chrisps for practically all three meals every day, Saeyoung’s actually acquired cooking skills now, and they only get better and better. The best part about him actually cooking now is that they tend to cook together whenever they can, and it’s certainly helped to strengthen their relationship.

The two of them spend a good part of the day cooking, cleaning, and generally preparing for the evening when they’ll have guests over for Christmas. Saeyoung’s been very excited about the coming evening for several reasons ever since they both got engaged and he found out he’s going to become a father, and now MC’s starting to feel the same excitement as well, as the time’s getting closer.

It’s been difficult keeping it from Jaehee, that’s for sure. MC has considered telling her several times at work, but ultimately decided to tell Jaehee at the same time the others will hear the news. MC’s really glad she’s still very early in her pregnancy so nothing shows, and the morning sickness has thankfully yet to start haunting her. So far, it’s been fairly easy keeping it from people, but she’s glad they’re finally revealing it tonight.

“I forgot to ask this when you told me, but what did you mean when you said you thought the timing was funny when I proposed to you?”

MC looks up at Saeyoung, and she smiles. “Well, normally if a guy proposes _after_ you tell him you’re pregnant, you’d assume he wants to get married just because you’re having kids.”

Saeyoung snorts in offence. “You think I’d do that? I think you’ve been watching too many drama shows on TV. That, if anything, should tell me you’re definitely pregnant.”

MC laughs at that.

“So what do you think it’ll be?” Saeyoung asks. It’s a little endearing how he’s resting his hand on MC’s stomach even though it hasn’t started growing yet.

MC hums in thought. “I have a feeling we’re having a son. I don’t know why, though.”

Saeyoung gasps overly dramatically. “What if… they’re twins? Isn’t that genetic?”

“I think that’s only possible if it’d been on my side of the family,” she laughs. “It would certainly be… interesting, though.”

“Would you mind it if we _had_ twins?”

MC’s given a lot of thought to their impending parenthood, but ironically, twins was never one of those things she could’ve thought about. She also doesn’t have any sort of preference in terms of the baby’s sex, because she knows she’ll love their child no matter what. It still hasn’t quite sunk in that she’s having a child with Saeyoung, and it’ll probably take a while for that to happen.

“I wouldn’t. Well, unless they both turn out exactly like you, in which case I’ll have my hands full at all times with two rowdy kids who love to play pranks on each other, probably from an early age.”

“Hey,” Saeyoung whines. “That’s mean. I’m a good guy.”

“Who tricks his best friend into thinking he’ll pass out from having had too much coffee.”

“Touché. He’s just so fun to tease, I can’t _not_ do it.”

Right around five, Jaehee is the first one to arrive, as MC had expected out of her very punctual best friend. She brings flowers and homemade cookies as a gift, which Saeyoung is very eager to receive.

“Your baking is the _best_ , Jaehee,” he gushes as he looks down at the very pretty box. “Thank you.”

“Oh, it was the least I could do. Thank you for having me over, and hosting this.”

MC smiles as she steps forward to hug Jaehee. She’s made sure to not wear her engagement ring until after they’ve told everyone the news, because Jaehee would definitely notice otherwise.

“Merry Christmas, Jaehee.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.”

Shortly thereafter, Yoosung and Saeran arrive as well, bringing tulips in various colours as a gift for MC and Saeyoung. The tulips go in one of their old vases, and MC places it on the living room table. Suddenly, their house has become a lot more colourful, and all it took were two bouquets of flowers, from different people for very different reasons.

Hyun and Jumin oddly enough arrive at the same time, but Hyun of course insists they didn’t come _together_ , and that it was pure coincidence.

“Zen, you’re hurting my feelings,” Jumin deadpans. “I thought you’d stopped being ashamed of me.”

“Shut up!”

As should’ve been expected, Jumin gifts them a bottle of seemingly very expensive, French wine, at which point Saeyoung and MC quickly exchange a look, but thankfully no one seems to notice. Hyun’s given them a gift card to one of the best restaurants in town which expires right at the end of the year, so it gives Saeyoung and MC an excuse to go out and eat sometime soon.

“Thank you so much, Hyun and Jumin,” MC says. “It almost feels like we’re having a shared birthday party or something with how generous your gifts are.”

Hyun waves his hand dismissively, grinning. “It’s the least I could do since you’re hosting this Christmas dinner.”

Jumin shudders next to Hyun. “I still cannot get used to hearing people use his real name, it feels dirty somehow.”

“Dirty?! You’re one to talk, old man!”

Dinner is served, and everyone’s seated around their now extended kitchen table. Jumin commends Saeyoung for his good choice in flowers, at which point both Hyun and Yoosung snort at it because ‘they’re just normal roses’. Of course, they don’t know the meaning behind them, but MC figures that’s something she wants to keep between her and her fiance.

On the menu is a mix of Western and Korean foods, which are greatly appreciated among their guests. As always, the conversations are lively and seemingly endless. MC watches her friends, her loved ones, while smiling, and is once again reminded of how lucky she is to have them all in her life.

When everyone’s long since finished eating and the plates and food have been cleared off the table, Saeyoung finally gets up from his chair, lightly clinking a little spoon to his glass.

“We have an announcement to make,” he singsongs. “ _Nae sarang_?”

MC smiles widely, and she gets up to stand next to Saeyoung as she quietly slips her engagement ring back on from where she’d hid it in her dress pocket. With everyone’s eyes now on them, their friends looking both surprised and expectant, MC can’t deny she feels nervous, but she’s mostly excited, and happy.

“There are two bits of news,” MC continues after Saeyoung. “The first thing is… we’re getting married.”

Immediately, Yoosung lets out a surprisingly high-pitched squeal, which makes Saeran laugh next to him. The others applaud them, and it feels a little to have people applaud them for such a thing, but MC appreciates it nonetheless, even though the attention makes her a little nervous. Congratulatory phrases rain over them in different ranges of tone and volume, but then they go quiet for a few seconds before Hyun speaks up.

“You _still_ have something to tell us? You said you had two bits of news.”

As if on cue, Saeyoung snakes an arm around MC’s middle, and places his hand on her stomach, much like he’d done before when they were cuddling on the couch. As soon as he does, MC hears Jaehee gasp excitedly from across the table.

“Really?!”

“Yes,” MC replies. “I’m pregnant.”

This time, even Jumin manages to sound happy and excited for them unlike when they’d announced their engagement. Saeran jokingly complains to his brother for not letting him know first, which makes Jaehee jump in and say she should’ve gotten to know before the others as well, since she and MC are ‘like siblings, anyway’.

The rest of the evening is spent like many other of their gatherings, where they just sit around and talk. Jumin and Jaehee are excitedly discussing something amongst themselves, and Saeyoung is as always trying to trick Yoosung while Saeran is the voice of reason that prevents it from going through. All in all, it’s a Christmas MC won’t soon forget, and it’s definitely the best one yet. To be fair, there’s probably nothing that can top everything that happened this evening.

“Man,” Saeran says. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be an uncle.”

At some point, Saeyoung had disappeared from MC’s side to go sit and talk with—or more realistically, _tease_ —Yoosung, so now he’s been replaced by his twin brother.

MC laughs, leaning her head on Saeran’s shoulder, and she sighs happily. “It’s gonna be interesting from now on, huh.”

“Oh yeah, definitely. You do know I’m now gonna have someone I can train to be better than you at in video games, right?”

“You wish,” she snorts. “That still won’t be for a very long time, if that ever happens. And you still owe me a rematch, you know.”

Saeran laughs. “Yeah, yeah.”

It’s strange to see that Hyun and Jumin are in a seemingly deep conversation now that at least Hyun isn’t pretending to hate Jumin anymore. On the outside, the two couldn’t be more different, but MC knows that there’s at least _something_ there that has finally made them bury the hatchet, and hang out as friends. Well… some sort of friends.

MC and Saeyoung’s guests leave around midnight, but not before they’ve all promised to gather again for New Year’s, when they’ll once again be at Jumin’s place. Thankfully, Jumin promised Hyun to get Elizabeth a cat-sitter so he won’t have to suffer through the entire evening constantly sneezing.

With the house now empty and quiet again, MC and Saeyoung get ready for bed. As always, MC crawls up into Saeyoung’s arms, and he embraces her while she rests her head on his chest.

“It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it?” he asks as he traces a finger along her engagement ring.

MC smiles, looking down at their joined hands. “Yes, it really has. But I’m very excited for the new year to come.”

“Me too.”

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I stole the little 'game' from the Valentine's Day DLC, but I couldn't resist. (How about that DLC, tho. WOW.)
> 
> \--
> 
> Thank you all _so_ much for reading and commenting on this fic. This is my first Mystic Messenger story, but it probably won't be my last. I'm very baffled and happy about the comments I've gotten on this, and only have you to thank for either sticking around, or for even just reading a part of this. Thank you. ❤
> 
> [[tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com)] | [[twitter](http://twitter.com/idiotmatsu)]

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com)


End file.
